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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Don't know how to deal with this...

30 replies

BlackYellowRed · 15/04/2010 20:17

DD (8) has on two occasions weed on the carpet in her bedroom. On purpose. First time was last week, day before an estate agent was due to value the house. A big puddle. DH just went to her room and there are several smaller puddles around the room. Got two estate agents coming tomorrow, and she knows about it. I can understand she is feeling a bit stressed and worried because we are about to put our house on the market and move abroad, but I'm just baffled by her behaviour and don't know how to deal with it. I am going to try to talk to her when I've calmed down and she's gone to bed now anyway. Any advice?

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Original poster

BlackYellowRed · 15/04/2010 20:23

Please?

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liahgen66 · 15/04/2010 20:24

well for the tomorrow meeting, take her away from the house and keep her away till they have been and gone.

Mor elong ter, have you tried asking her calmly why she is doing it? and if so what is she saying?

Original poster

BlackYellowRed · 15/04/2010 20:27

She didn't say anything about the first incident. I figured she was too embarrassed. This evening I tried to talk, but she said "I forgot why I did it".

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Original poster

BlackYellowRed · 15/04/2010 20:28

And she blamed it on her little brother (3) first, but we found her knickers were wet.

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liahgen66 · 15/04/2010 20:28

well that's not true is it so you need to sit her down and tell her so. She's 8, unless she's having petit mal episodes, then of course she didn't forget.

Try the sympathy approach, I know its a scary time for us all moving so far away etc but she must know that this kind of behaviour is not acceptable. How does dh react?

thisisyesterday · 15/04/2010 20:29

is she worried about moving? anything else?

liahgen66 · 15/04/2010 20:30

Just a thought but how do you know it's on purpose if she tried to blame her brother and you found, ( i assume hidden) wet knickers, maybe she really did wet herself and was very embarassed?

(am thinking aloud really, trying to think how I would approach it so apploogies if not all appropriate)

Original poster

BlackYellowRed · 15/04/2010 20:33

DH was furious, but mostly with DS as he thought he had done it. He said to both no more privileges for a week.

I don't think she's particularly worried about anything else and did seem ok about moving, but she is very sensitive and it's a big change.

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liahgen66 · 15/04/2010 20:37

perhaps you could take her out tomorrow when estate agent will be there and have a chat, I dunno, go for a milkshake or something. It might be something else completely unrelated to the move.

Original poster

BlackYellowRed · 15/04/2010 20:38

I suppose it could have been an accident. But the bathroom is right next to her bedroom. And why would she wee in little puddles all over the room (on was actually a bit under the bed, like she'd lifted her mattress and weed between the slats!), she could have ran to the loo?
The knickers weren't hidden IIRC.

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Original poster

BlackYellowRed · 15/04/2010 20:40

DH will be here to deal with the estate agents, so that'd be a good idea.

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thisisyesterday · 15/04/2010 20:43

to me it sounds like a call for attention.
if she is worrying about the move for example then this is a way of expressing that worry... unfortunately by the time you find it she has realised that actually she'll be in trouble for it and then tries to hide it.

might be worth an afternoon out, just the 2 of you? for a little chat about house and anything else that might be up?

Original poster

BlackYellowRed · 15/04/2010 20:46

Thanks all, will get DH to sort estate agents and take her out to have a chat. Hope I get an answer this time!

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Danthe4th · 15/04/2010 20:47

sounds like she needs lots of cuddles, ignore what she did, she may not really understand herself. Please don't let dad punish her you may make the situation bigger than it really is.

thisisyesterday · 15/04/2010 22:18

what works for me sometimes, with ds1 who is a worrier and quite sensitive, is to pretend something similar has happened to me.

so i'll say "when i was little, i worried when I had to do x, and I felt like I wanted to do Y.... "
if they feel like you get where they're coming from they sometimes open up more

mummywizz · 15/04/2010 22:19

have a chat with her and just check that this isn't happening on other occasions. If it is she may have what is called an'overactive' bladder where the bladder starts to contract to 'empty' without any warning whatsoever, very common in girls. just a thought....

Original poster

BlackYellowRed · 16/04/2010 10:06

Ok we had a quiet chat this morning. She said she and DS were playing dogs. She weed under her bed (by crawling underneath) and then tiddled in a few other places too. DS did one wee near the window. Obviously DS thought it ok to follow her example.

She said she is happy at school and only a little worried about the move. She likes where we are moving too and we've tried to make it all very positive but honest (she will have to learn a new language).

I am now even more confused and upset that she would do such a thing on purpose.

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Original poster

BlackYellowRed · 16/04/2010 10:10

Also, when it happened the first time I was very sympathetic and told her about my problems as a child with bladder infections and an incident where I weed in the classroom and being very embarrassed.

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EndangeredSpecies · 16/04/2010 10:17

Couldn't help but laugh (in a nice way) when I read her explanation of what she was doing. I also have a daughter who likes pretending to be an animal and gets really involved in the games she plays, she went through a bizarre phase of crawling across the floor pretending to be a dog every day whenever she got down from the dinner table, then not responding to me unless I called her by a certain animal name. Perhaps this is just a more extreme form? Wouldn't worry just help her make the distinction between pretend and real.

Original poster

BlackYellowRed · 16/04/2010 10:26

EndangeredSpecies, I know, I nearly laughed. She plays dogs with her friends at school. She gets holes by her knees in her trousers from crawling around pretending to be a dog. I think she took it way too far though, her room stank!

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Octaviapink · 16/04/2010 10:27

I'm sorry, but I had to laugh as well - I think it's the best possible explanation! You could explain that playing that way makes a mess for mummy to clean up, and perhaps if she wants to do it again she and DS could go and play it in the garden, knickerless!

EndangeredSpecies · 16/04/2010 10:37

yes, mine also wears out her trousers from playing dogs, I suggested playing birds instead but apparently the best friend prefers canines. I've had to learn how to sew in desperation, cannot afford to replace six pairs of trousers in as many weeks

thisisyesterday · 16/04/2010 12:28

it's good that she felt she could be honest and tell you instead of trying to pretend it was an accident though.

you want to keep a hold of that, let her know it's good she told the truth. but maybe ask her to think about what happened afterwards? someone had to clean it up... you! and it isn't nice to have wee smells on the floor etc etc. it's ok to play dogs, and it's ok to pretend to wee on the floor... jsut don't actually do it

i think it's an impulse control thing you. where you reeeeally wonder what something will be like, and you know you shouldn't, but you just can't help it! i remmeber sitting on the floor one day in front of my mum and trying to stop myself cutting a hole in my tights with scissors. but eventually the bit of me that really wanted to see what would happen won!

Original poster

BlackYellowRed · 16/04/2010 12:45

True, thisisyesterday. She was at least being honest. Whatever next though, heh?

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Original poster

BlackYellowRed · 24/04/2010 18:18

Just went into her room. She was sat on a chair and I could smell wee. Asked her calmly if she'd done it again and she denied. Saw wet patch from underneath her. The whole chair was soaked and she had weed through her trousers. Chair is ruined.

We made no fuss this time. She was told to have a shower. Taken tv out of her bedroom.

I have no idea what's going on with her. What do I do now? Would a visit to the GP or school nurse be a good idea?

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