Advice on Monster behaviour of nearly 2 year old.

[Tyson86]

Hello, i need some advice please.
My 22 month old Ds has become a nightmare in the last week.
He has been such an angel and now he keeps throwing everything at people and my Mums dogs, he also keeps hitting her dogs which is obviously hard work as we live with her and she gets understandably angry about his behaviour.
I dont and never will hit him so just saying No and sending him to bed but it isnt working and it is getting frustrating.
Last night Dh and I took him out for a meal and he threw chicken at a random womans head
Can anyone help me get him to listen, even if just slightly as iam now 15 weeks pregnant with a very bad cold and dont want to be annoyed at him all day as when he is in a good mood he is brilliant.

Sounds pretty normal for a "spirited" toddler I'm afraid! I remember getting v upset was DS was around 2, he kept hitting other children and I ended up feeling like I could not take him to any toddler groups or meet up with mummy friends. But it was just a phase. Which was then replaced by another phase of a different type of bad behaviour. And so on... .
You just need to keep repeating the NO message, calmly but very firmly. I don't think there is a lot of point explaining to him at this age that he is hurting others when he hits them, DS doesn't really get this and he is 3.3. But consider what kind of punishment you are going to give and in what circumstances (e.g. how many warnings etc) and then action it, consistently, every time. Make sure your mum, and others around, are following the same tactics or he will start playing you off against each other.
Not sure there is a lot else you can do really. Good luck!

Ditto Jack. My DS1 turned into a terror a month before his 2nd birthday. He kept pushing and trying to hit other children with toys. It lasted about 2 months, then we had a respite of about two months and now he's started scratching and pushing.

How I deal with it is to give his action absolutely zero attention. You say one quick firm NO, then pay the other child/adult ALL the attention. It's their way of getting some attention from you, even if negative.

I found that if he hits DS2 I'd whisk DS2 out of harm's way and tell him never, mind. Your brother didn't mean to do that as he knows it is wrong and hurts you. I am sure he'll say sorry and won't do it again. DS1 usually does eventually come back to say sorry. But he'll do it again a couple of hours later. I think it's developmental and they just can't grasp the concept of right and wrong yet. Seems very typical, especially in boys.

I find it gets worse when he's overtired or we've seen too many people/had too many visitors and I've not played with him much. So try to limit too many activities/outings on the same day with other people for a while.

My ds 'turned' this way at 22 months. He's now 5. It's been very hard and stressful.

All I've come up according to my extensive (!) research is that you have to be consistently firm and disapproving of 'bad' behaviour.

It can take a lot time for the message to get through and take effect but it will get here in the end.

Personally though, I think until they're 3 they don't really understand punishment like being sent to bed. Before 3, I'd just say a very strong, "No" and remove the child from the dogs or whatever situation he's in.

Shouting or spanking can make the situation worse as it makes the child wonder who, if anyone, is in control.

As well as the above advice I'd say that you have to lower your expectations for a good while. If he kicks off in cafes, then only go to places where you know you'll be served v quickly, or don't go for a while. Keep visits to soft play etc short, and leave if it's going pear-shaped.

Over-excitement used to trigger pushing etc in DS2

Tiredness, and hunger were a major trigger for my DS1, so always carry a banana (or similar). Honestly, he would absoultely "turn" when hungry

Re: the dogs - there's little point getting angry with him. I think they need to be kept apart.

It IS important to be firm, but don't shriek or harp on about bad behaviour - they just hear "bla bla bla". At worst, a strong reaction can give them a "reward" in the form of attention. A better strategy is to remove them from the situation, with very little talk. Sit them on the floor, on a chair, or on your lap, and don't give attention for a short while. Once it is over, forgive and forget. Have a cuddle!

Try and remember this is very normal. TRY not to worry or label as this will make it worse. My DS2 was similar (pushing, biting etc), but grew out of it and is now a very well-behaved, sociable 7 year old.

Finally, girls can be like this too. And DS1 was not at all aggressive.

sorry - in second paragraph - should have said DS2

Oh, also, IME, saying NO could be a red rag to a bull. Try and use sparingly. Distract, or avoid the situation in the first place if you can. He is REALLY little, and I know it's a shock because he used to be a baby. But this is just a phase

Can't keep away - another reason why your son might have bee particularly difficult this week is that he might be sickening for something. Many's the time I'd find mine a nightmare one week - for them to develop a cold the next week.

Put him in the dustbin at the bottom of the garden!

Mine went through this too, culminating in him actually knocking the entire table over in Nandos!

He grew through it, still has his moments but slowly I can see my gorgeous little cuddly boy emerging from the monster suit. I stopped going out for lunches with them for a while, nice idea but the reality was so stressful!! Maybe it's just a phase they have to go through?

Excluding seemed to work, putting him in the corner or facing him away from everyone whilst I carried on playing with other dcs.
Hang in there!

As I type my DS just wandered past in his scooby doo jammies and said "love you mummy"

My 21mo DS just started pinching and kicking the other day- I'm also 14 weeks pregnant and am too tired to cope with this change in behaviour.
Glad it's not just my DS. It's really hard when they go from being sweet babies to being angry and agressive. I think with my DS, it's as much about seeing what will happen when he does something I don't like.He says 'don't pinch mummy' then lunges for me, so he knows I don't want him to do it. He also asks for a cuddle immediately after which is a bit disarming and makes it hard to stay firm. They're not daft!
Hope the phase passes soon for you. Just keep repeating the message,it'll sink in eventually (am hoping).

hairy - you are absolutely right. It's sometimes an experiment to see if you mean it. DCs need boundaries, and they need to test whether they are still there. Sometimes, though, it's just pure lack of impulse control.

jamie how scarily right you are, ive had a horrible day today with him crying and having a temperature, he has a cold which has affected him quite bad.

Everything is 10 times worse when they're ill- tyson, I think you are my doppelganger cos I too have a stinking cold. Being pregnant & ill & looking after a rampaging toddler is no fun at all. You have my sympathy.

Hi Tyson86

RE 22 month DS who is throwing things everywhere... This is very normal so don't panic. DS has entered the Trajectory Schema....It is a developmental stage. He is learning by experimenting and his current interest is seeing how things travel/fly though the air. This might even be feeling himself travel/fly through the air.

To help him develop his knew found interest, and retain an element of safety provide toys and objects which can be thrown safely such as (balloons, leaves, sticks for the dog, blowing bubbles, soft balls, bean bags, cushions, pillows. inflatable balls etc). But always supervise in case of choking on small parts.

Hope that helps... Cazi

I have a 22mth old DS and when she doesn't listen I warn her about time out and then I count and most of the time (if I can keep a straight face) she comes around - but then she does have two older brothers and she sees that they respond to warnings and counting and to an occasional timeout. I never use her bedroom though (on the 2 occasions that I have actually put her in time out.) If you think he can't understand time out yet, the I would just try the tried and true distraction technique - take plenty of colouring in and toys etc when going out etc. Remove him from the area where the dogs are when he does the wrong thing and set him up with an activity. He is just probably watching the effects on you and your mum. It might get worse once he realises that he is going to be usurped by a younger sibling soon. I even say to my dd now - Who is the Boss? Mama is the Boss. They need their boundaries - GOD I sound like the Super Nanny - someone shoot me!

< polishes crystal ball >

Interesting post Cazi. Too true that a lot of this behaviour that causes us a problem is developmentally necessary

I understand that he needs to throw things for developmental needs but this morning he aimed a heavy car at mums border collie, lucky she's nimble. Tired him out today so got a relaxing evening whilst he sleeps.

My DS has been going through this sort of thing, too. Only today he was trying (and succeeding) to ram people in the park with his dolly pram. I ended up having to pick him up under my arm and take him home.

Consistency is the only thing I have hope in, although I do shout occasionally as it gets a lot. That and what Jamieandhismagictorch mentioned, of not putting him in situations he can't handle (which is also Baby Whisperer doctrine for toddlerts - very sensible and humane for all!).

I think at this age the main tactic is avoidance tbh!

With ds, I had an extremely fidgety boy who, once he had eaten, was off like a shot. So, no sitting in cafes having a coffee and chat while he played with stuff on his highchair; I spent a couple of years not really going in cafes! And I would do the same thing with a child who 'needs' (bless him) to throw food.

Because of their developmental stage they ARE impulsive at this age; the ability to temper their behaviour is based on an understanding of the social consequences imo - and at this age, that's just not there so it's pretty pointless to try and 'cure' this behaviour

I really think the trick is avoiding situations; for now, the dogs need to be where the boy is not, and vice versa. Etc etc. All too soon the phase is over and you don't have to avoid any more.

Of course at times you can't avoid, if you're together on a family do with the dogs/cafe or something, but then it's just rely on good old distraction to stop him enjoying the throwing game; and control the environment a bit, eg one bit of food at a time rather than a plate in front of him etc