DD is 4 and doesn't love her daddy. She doesn't seem to dislike him - just doesn't 'love' him. She will kiss and cuddle him at bedtime, etc - when asked to; she is happy to be with him (when I'm not there - if I'm there, DH doesn't get much of a look-in most of the time). I am 'the favoured one', don't ask me why as I am more snappy with DD than DH is. We are a happy little family, in general - DH works full time and I work 3 days a week. On the days I don't work, it's me and DD, the days I do work, she goes to a childminder; at the weekends it is always the three of us together and we go out places together. DH comes home from work around 5pm most days, and is there all evening - it's not like she doesn't see that much of him.
This week, our childminder is on holiday. DH has taken the week off to look after DD. The Nursery is on holiday too so they are together all day. He's been taking her out to various parks, to soft play, to the shops to get the weekly shopping (and he's bought her a couple of wee treats too, a toy and a dressing-up dress, which DD loves). DH has been really enjoying their week together, actually. But DD is - to me, anyway - not bothered in the slightest by DH. I was talking to her when putting her to bed last night and she told me she doesn't love Daddy "but it's ok Mummy, because he loves me anyway even when I don't love him". This is something he's said to her more than once if she's been in a bad mood about something. I asked her who she loves and she said me, on further prodding she said her auntie, her friends...but she didn't mention DH, so I said "what about Daddy" - that's when she said "I don't love Daddy, but it's ok Mummy, he loves me anyway".
This morning is the last day I am working this week, I am off tomorrow so it will be the three of us together again. This morning DD said "Mummy, you stay home and Daddy go to work. I don't want it to be a stupid DD and Daddy day, I want it to be a DD and Mummy day". I let her know that talking this way about DH was making me sad and upset, and that if Daddy heard her talking like that he would be very hurt...she said she was only joking and that she did love Daddy, but tbh I don't believe her, she just said that so I wouldn't act all sad any more.
For a while now I've taken this all with a pinch of salt - figuring that she gets on well enough with him, there's not really a problem, etc. But recently I've been thinking about when she gets older. I have two first cousins, and it occurs to me now that neither of them had any respect for my uncle, their dad. They were never too rude to him, but they never took much notice of him either. I have noticed this for years and I didn't like it. I am just scared now that this is happening with DD and DH. Does anyone have any advice? Up until now DH has not taken any notice of this attitude of DD's, he's pretended it doesn't bother him and doesn't like me to pull her up on it. But I think that we need to start doing something about it. When DD talks like this it makes me angry (because DH loves DD so much, and it's ungrateful, and it's hurtful, and....), up until now I've tried to hide that. Should I start to get cross when she says something like that? But how can I 'force' her to love him? I think she does love him, but for some reason she says she doesn't. Should I start 'making' her say it? Oh, I don't know. I don't want to leave it as it is though. It's breaking my heart. (Or perhaps I'm just overthinking it.) It's not fair on DH. Argh. Does anyone have any advice?
Thanks for reading - it's turned out longer than it should have (and I'm at work too!)