whats the point in time out / naughty corner if you cant do it when you're out the house?

[Meglet]

For the last few weeks I've been doing time out with 3.5yo ds if he is playing up / tantrumming. It usually helps and clears the air so we can both calm down.

But it all goes wrong when we're out the house. There's nothing I can 'threaten' him with as he knows there's no where to be put to have time out. As a result most of our outings are miserable and involve me sternly telling him off / desperately begging and bribing him - and he usually takes no notice and carries on messing around / running off etc.

I've never smacked him but I'm starting to think its the only way he might behave when we are out.
It probably doesn't help that I'm a lone parent running on stress and andrenaline. I also have his little sister to deal with, work 3.5 days a week and they don't see their dad.

Any suggestions welcome, or sympathy with reasurrance that he will grow out of it . He's lovely at nursery BTW and he does what he's told.

I used to think it awful on those parentng programs with tania Byron when the parents put kids on the naughty step in public
one time a child was so distraught she made herself sick on some steps outside a museum or similar
personally I say well if you don't Pack it in we won't go to the library for a DVD on the way home or to a cafe for a milkshake, works better IMO

Bribery it is then .

I never treat them (although we do go to the library) so he won't have a clue what's going on. Maybe he needs a few more treats then he'll know what he's going to lose if he plays up.

Well the thing is, change it to the naughty 'spot'.

Then it can be anywhere you want it to be. The corner/step thing works at home as it is a neutral place. But when out, the 'spot' works. Use a wall, corner, or wherever you are. Just a spot that is out of the way of others and is safe. Explain the naughty 'spot' is wherever you decide it to be, be it the base of a pole or tree or on a park bench. Just choose a spot where you are.

That is what I have done with my two and it seems to have worked ? (ish!! As much as it can!! LOL)

Bribery is preferable to naughty step/corner/spot nonsense imo

Have you tried having a talk with him before you go out on good behavior and explained the consequences of not behaving, such as being taking back home or if it's an essential trip such as supermarket tell him before hand he can have a treat at the end for good behavior. This doesn't have to a sweets it can be something simple that he chooses such as watching a favorite DVD when he gets home or going to his favorite playground.

The reason I'm against timeout/naughty step in public is that it's humiliating for them instead of truly understanding that their conduct was out of order all the child remembers is the confusion and embarrassment. Sure he will apologies to you but will he mean it? Children quickly learn the process of the naughty step, the apologizing is a means to an end for them and is rarely in my experience sincere.

Children always behave much better with others than their parents because Imo they are secure in their parents love for them they know not matter what you'll still love him. Take it as a sign that your DS knows how much you love him. At least that's what I tell myself when DD is behaving appallingly.

We also have 'time out' and use it anywhere and everywhere. Like you say what's the point otherwise, they don't just misbehave at home.
Don't worry about other people and no it's not awful like 'compo' says. I bet compo has something to say when children are running 'wild' or being naughty and parents don't do anything.

Yes bribery might work as well, but consistency in discipline makes things so much easier.

Your children will learn that they can get away with murder if out and about and no consequences for behaviour are given.

Are you still using a pushchair for your younger child? Time out for my DS when we're out is to put both hands on the pushchair.

Ha ha... I'm imagining how the naughty "spot" thing would work, say, in a cafe or restaurant... you'd have to leave them bawling in a certain spot for two mins, then return and ask for an apology etc. In front of lots of other customers. Aaaaagh

Don't worry about the customers, don't you think they would prefer a better behaved child after the few minutes? or maybe find a spot that is less invasive, I've gone just outside sometimes.
It works, toddler comes back in and is well behaved.
You do get the 'sympathy' smile from other mums who know exactly what is going on.Don't be put off by other people, the process has got to better than smacking or not going out.
Good luck

back again...

bran yes we still have a double pushchair, a Phil & teds so DS can hop in the back when we are walking to town. If DS mucks about in town he has to go in the pushchair.

diaryofanobody I will start talking to ds about behaving sensibly before we go out. We are meant to pop out to town later so I am considering telling him he can have a comic if he doesn't have a tantrum and mess around. Am weighing up the pro's and con's as I type!

Try a very small sticker chart/ or a sticker on the hand. when he is being really good when out then give him a sticker. If he get say 5 or whatever, then he gets a treat (small one). If he misbehaves then a sticker will be removed after being warned ONCE. You will find they hate having stickers taken away. You could also try this by giving him X stickers before you go out. And if he manages to keep them all or most of them, he gets his reward! If all else fails, and he carries on like a baby, then he will have to have reins on etc. Most of all, don't be embarrassed by his behaviour (or at least don't let him see)as this will enpower him to carry on. If you have a car then wait in the car with him till he has finished having a paddy etc, then make him apologise and carry on with what you were doing i.e shopping, park.

Great idea milkybar, might have to borrow that one