disasterous weekend - uncooperative kids, as I can't resign as position of (skivvy) mummy, any ideas how to get lazy uncooperative kids to help??

[cuppa]

My kids will moan and complain about everything, they moan and complain even about nice things, if I ask for help I have to ask a zillion times, only shouting and punishment seems to work. Now I want to resign.

eg, this weekend - last weekend of school holidays. I planned to take them away to somewhere they really love going as a surprise, so I packed up the car in secret, loaded them up and then on the way I told them - surprise!!! We're going to XXX for the weekend. SOme huuays! but then loads of moaning from 1 cos they'd planned to visit a friend tomorrow. I was really p*d off and nearly turned the car round at the point. In hindsight I should've as whole weekend a disaster.

sk for help unloading the car, they did that, but moaning about actually unpacking bags, didn't want to help wash up (have dishwasher at home) moaned about everything I asked them to do, or plain didn't do it, eg said leaving playground & going back to room come now - don't come, turn up 15 mins later caked in mud.

Supernanny etc all aimed at toddlers.

wtf do you do with older kids (eg aged 10) to get pleasant cooperation without consatnt moaning and complaints, asking 2000 times. I feel like a skivvy to the whole family. Now they are sent upstairs I honestly wish I'd never taken them away. SOmetimes they are wonderful, but times like now they seem to be really spoilt lazy and diobediant.

Probably all my fault. SO how do I turn it around?

Children don't appreciate the things you THINK they should appreciate.

If YOU were bundled into a car onto a well meaning trip that nevertheless meant that you had to cancel your social plans for the weekend, that then led to a lot of farting about like unpacking clothes and washing up that you don't NORMALLY have to do, you'd try to see the work that the organiser of this trip had put in and you'd try to be grateful.

Kids don't do that.

Kids like the plans they have made to take place, and for things not to change suddenly. Whipping them away as a surprise, no matter how pleasant, was asking for trouble, really.

ok, to a certain extent I agree, though 'social plans' was a 6 year old 'maybe' going to a friends house (which wouldn't have happened anyway, as said friend wasn't there, that was the only thing), nothing had actually been planned or organised, they were sitting around doing nothing.

but anyway, the 'surprise weekend' is a bit of a red herring. My problem is they moan and argue constantly, never do what I ask on the 1st or 2nd or 3rd time, always either ignore or moan or 'just finishing' x y or z.

I don'r expect unending gratitude. I would just like to enjoy some time with my children, and feel some sort of mutual respect and cooperation, but it feels like a constant unending battleground, and the instant reation, no matter what it is, be it help clear away the dishes, lets have a pizza, should we go to the cinema, help put away the laundry, it doesn't matter if it's a job/homework/ a treat, anything, it's complaints and moans. I even took them for an ice cream on Wednesday and 1 moaned about that. can't remember what the problem was, but I felt like screaming.

Ive no advice, because my DCs are exactly the same.

Hopefully some super mum will come along with all the answers

Go on strike. Really. Don't lift a finger - don't make food or clean up - have a proper chill - a long bath, read a mag, and when they ask what's happening say "I don't feel like cooking, washing up, driving you to your mates.' Try and do this for a whole day. When you feel empowered by this you'll find it easier to explain without getting angry or hurt, that a lot of what we do in life is through necessity not choice.

And then maybe try the 'we help each other because we're a family, we're a team' stuff, instead of pleading with them to help you, as though they're doing you a favour and you're doing them a favour. Try making it normal that everyone mucks in to get stuff done.

I've felt like you at times and this does help a bit. The other trick - more successful but you have to put thought into it, is to make the helping out fun - the person who unloads the most stuff from the car chooses what to watch on TV later or chooses what to do on the first day of the holiday.

All easier said than done. We all want to resign sometimes.

I remember my mum went on strike once for basically a whole weekend - we survived on cereal and toast, had to find our own sports gear and stuff and made lots of noise about not caring and it being really cool to do whatever we wanted. It clearly wasn't though because the following week she managed to sneak a job / chore chart into action and we seemed to follow it without too much complaining initially. From memory the job chart only ever worked for about a month or two at a time and then it would get revised as we became a bit useless about doing what we were meant to do each day. But her going on strike worked on us, we all still joke about it years later - I reckon it is worth a shot.