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Original poster

Sharing a room - strategies for making it work from the start . . . . !

36 replies

EddieIzzardismyhero · 10/04/2010 07:41

DS1 is 22mths and sleeps in his own room, with another cot that is earmarked for DS2. DS2 is still in our room, still in his Moses basket at six months (he is ridiculously small!), but now needs to move out. He is too strong for the Moses basket and I'm worried he's going to climb out soon !

So, they will be sharing a room (cot too big to fit into our bedroom).

I know a lot of kids still share bedrooms, although some people look at me as if they want to report me to the NSPCC for even suggesting the idea in this day and age . So, it is clearly possible. But how best to do it?

DS still wakes for a night feed - should we feed him in the boys' bedroom or bring him into our room to feed and then put him back to bed? I don't want DS1 to wake up and want cuddles in the middle of the night too!

We are also moving house next month so figured it would be best to get them used to sharing now before moving.

Any tips/strategies/words of warning (although no horror stories please ) would be most welcome.

Thanks.

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Original poster
EddieIzzardismyhero · 10/04/2010 09:31

No one?! Am I being cruel then? : )

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JustMyTwoPenceWorth · 10/04/2010 09:37

Strategies? 2 beds, 1 room. Toy boxes.

No planning, strategies or overthinking required

Your kids will fight. This is normal. Mine are 9 & 10 and share a room and are the best of friends and also fight like cat and dog. Possibly if they had their own rooms they might have a space to retreat to when fighting, but me and my sister had our own rooms and it never stopped us! In fact, I think I used to barge into her room just to pick a fight and then of course you get the "get out of my room" "mum, she's in my room" "mum she's touching my stuff" "GET OUT" to deal with, so it's no better anyway.

Peabody · 10/04/2010 09:38

My kids share a room and were about the same age as yours when we moved them in together.

I have to say that we moved the little one back out again for a while (turning the sitting room into her bedroom, which was less than perfect). This was because the older one kept throwing things in her cot.

She's back in with him now and he still throws things in, but she's now tough enough to take it. He's not doing it maliciously, he just wants to share his toys with her. We've tried everything but can't be in with them all night to stop him. We have therefore removed all heavy/sharp items from their bedroom. Every morning I struggle to find my daughter amidst the sea of teddies and pillows in her cot, but she seems to quite like it.

One good thing is that they don't seem to wake each other up at all when they cry in the night. So you would probably be fine feeding in the boys' bedroom if that's easier.

Good luck!

Original poster
EddieIzzardismyhero · 10/04/2010 21:23

Justmytwopence, they're a bit too young to fight at the moment! We're more worried about how easily they'll settle to sleep and whether they'll wake each other up.

KWYM about going into each other's rooms to fight though!

peabody, good to know that your two don't wake each other. I don't think the throwing things will be a problem cos DS1 is still in a cot himself.

On the first night should we put them to sleep at the same time or settle one and then put the other one in?

Probably worrying more than is necessary but just want to try and get it right without too many hiccups!

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NonnoMum · 10/04/2010 21:32

I think you'll find it'll be much easier than you think. My DDs share (3 years between) and sometimes the younger one still wakes up.
The older one doesn't even notice.
We don't put the light on.
And we have a baby down the corridor who frequently wakes and SCREAMS and neither of them notice. Or the teenage DSS.
I do though

LittlePushka · 10/04/2010 21:40

Mine share - have done since DS2 out grew his moses basket at 4 mths.

DS1 never woke when DS2 woke for night feeds.

presently neither wake if the other wakes up in the middle of the night. only ever had two occasions when I was faces with two screaming boys and only one pair of hands!

Currently they chat and sing to eachother in the dark for half an hour or so before sleeping. In the morning they chat before DS1 "gets up".

When they sleep in separate rooms away from home, they still wake up at the same time in a morning - so no gain there!

Agree with other here, just let them share, it will be ok. I also agree with you OP that there is some bizarre unsaid pressure for every child who walks this land to have his/her own room at ridiculously early ages! it's barmy!

fabhead · 10/04/2010 21:48

I think they get used to it very quickly. My 5y old and 2y old have shared since the younger one was turfed out of our room at 5 1/2 month-ish. It was slightly tricky at first becasue the younger one went to bed earlier but once they were both going at 7/7.30 ish it's been fine. The older one sleeps like a log and never wakes up - in fact they wake up independently but never disturb each other really.

In fact I went in last night at about 9pm (grr) as ds2 was still messing around as had had a late nap and he was in ds1's bed, lying virtually on top of him, driving a train up and down his back and ds1 was flat out, completely oblivious!

2andcounting · 10/04/2010 21:54

it'll be fine- my 2 dds share 13mo and 2.9yrs- they love it. dd1 sings and chats away to dd2 before they fall asleep- its too cute- and no tears at bedtime . have only been sharing for a couple of months, as dd2 still woke occassionally at night and i was worried that she'd wake dd1 up- its the opposite- she sleeps MUCH better, and has only woken twice, and settles very quickly after- she seems to take comfort from the fact her big sis is there dc3 is on the way- and they'll be sharing the same room- and im definitely going to be putting them in there once they outgrow their moses basket ( instead of temporarily putting them in the dining room, as I did with dd2 )

WeNeedToLeaveInFiveMinutes · 10/04/2010 21:58

Our two boys share but we didn't put them on together until DS2 was nearly two as he liked to go to sleep alone in the dark, and DS1 liked a long story/chat/hug until he went to sleep.

One day they just decided they were sharing and that was it! For the first few months DS2 just pulled his blanket over his head to go to sleep, grumping at the noise.

Nearly all the two boy families I know share a bedroom. The boys just seem to like it. I don't know much about girls ...

fabhead · 10/04/2010 21:59

yeah i think you're right - they like having someone else in the room with them I think - ds2 sometimes wakes up and just gets into the bottom of ds1's bed which is quite cute and saves us going in for him

We have a room for them both but I really like them being in together - I think it maybe helps them be close - I dont understand the rush to get them into their own rooms straight away either.

JustMyTwoPenceWorth · 10/04/2010 22:21

I know, Eddie, I was giving you a glimpse of the future

roisin · 10/04/2010 22:27

I have a 22 month age gap. ds2 went in with ds1 from the age of 6 weeks. They shared a room until they were about 8 and 10!

From the age of 3 and 5, they had a choice (as we had more space), but they chose to continue sharing for another 5 years or so.

They had a fairly spartan room, basically with just beds in plus wardrobes, no toys. And we had fairly strict rules that bedtime was for sleeping (then later reading -> sleeping), not for playing.

LittlePushka · 10/04/2010 22:44

Thats really interesting roisin, about them making their own choice. Mine are 18mths apart and I could do as you have done when they are a little older...I don't think I'd have thought to ask them! (they are too young presently!) Doh!

chixinthestix · 10/04/2010 22:44

We moved DD in with DS when she was 6 months and he was 2 1/2. She was a terrible sleeper and we kept her in with us cos we were terrified she would wake up DS. But he loved 'looking after' his little sister and she immediately started sleeping better - we would have done it much sooner had we known! They have never woken each other and love sharing. We always have bedtime stories downstairs and DD goes to bed first as she is the youngest. DS goes 20 mins or so later (which gives him a chance to have a longer chapter story now he's 7) and DD is usually asleep by then so no chatting.
Sharing makes them much more tolerant of each other and I'll let them carry on for as long as they want to.
I would say crack on with it and don't worry - they will really like it.

Original poster
EddieIzzardismyhero · 11/04/2010 11:45

Thanks for the glimpse of the future!

Thank you for all your positive stories of sharing - I'm feeling much more excited about the idea now! We've wanted the boys to share since we found out we were expecting DS2 but he is such a bad sleeper in comparison to his brother that we got cold feet!

We're moving to a chalet style house next month that only has two bedrooms upstairs - it took some time to sell and one of the reasons most buyers were put off is cos their children would have to share a bedroom! Their loss is our gain as the downstairs space is amazing .

Hopefully our experience will be positive too . . .

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Oblomov · 11/04/2010 12:13

6 and 1.5 . 6 yr old is begging to share. they do not wake eachother up and wake up at the same time anyway. Infact ds1 now lifts ds2 out of the cot bless him. at 6.30 am and they play !
I have to get ds2 going to bed before ds1 though, because thats only fair.Thats my next task.

Original poster
EddieIzzardismyhero · 11/04/2010 19:37

That's so sweet Oblomov! I'm hoping DS1 doesn't try and lift DS2 out of his cot though - he's a little too fond of lifting him up already with sometimes scary consequences!

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LittlePushka · 11/04/2010 21:24

My DS1 (3)climbs into DS2 cot(2) and shares everything with him from a story book to a juicy pear!

Original poster
EddieIzzardismyhero · 11/04/2010 21:26

I think we might move DS2 tomorrow with all these lovely stories - plus we can't wait to get our bedroom back to ourselves!

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Ellokitty · 11/04/2010 22:29

My two girls (6 and 3) choose to share and they love it. In fact, we're moving house again next week and we asked them again what they wanted to do in the new house, and they both said they wanted to share again. In fact, my eldest DD feels sorry for those children that have to go asleep on their own - as she says, mummies have daddies to go to sleep with, she has her sister to go to sleep with, who do the other children have? An odd view, but hers, all the same

The only problem we find is that whichever child wakes first in the mornings (at the weekend), usually wakes the other child to play with them. That can be very annoying when they have had a late night and are very tired and irritable the next day.

However, I did find that they play up for the first few weeks, but soon get used to it and then become quite heavy sleepers. Both children seem to sleep through the other child's disturbances - illness, wet beds, nightmares...

For us, it has been overwhelmingly positive, and as I say we have a 3 bed house - for us they have always been able to have their own rooms, we / they have chosen to share - and I'd make that same choice again tomorrow (as have they!)

Ellokitty · 11/04/2010 22:29

PS Good luck!

RedTartanLass · 11/04/2010 22:58

My 2 LOs share, there is 20mths between them. DS3 is 6 and DD1 is 4. We have other bedrooms so if they decided they wanted their own space it would not be a problem, but they love sharing and I believe ever so close because of it. Listening to them whispering and giggling to each other in the mornings and evenings melts my heart.

Some of my favourite childhood memories are sharing a bedroom with my wee brother, and I also feel a bit sad with the current fashion for siblings to have their own rooms ASAP.

Obviously there is going to be a time when they want their own personal space and we are lucky enough to be able to give it to them when they want it.

BTW they don't tend to wake each other up when the other has a bad night.

Original poster
EddieIzzardismyhero · 12/04/2010 09:03

Ellokitty, lol at the 'odd view' - it's exactly what I said to dh! I share a room with him and hate it when I have to sleep alone, so why should my little boys have to sleep all on their own!

Redtartan, I too do not understand this rush for kids to have their own room - I have had friends say to me, "well we have a boy and a girl so they can't share"!! When they're babies/toddlers it doesn't bloody matter!

Anyway, I have started the process this morning and put DS2 into the cot for his morning nap - he went down with v little protest which is an excellent start.

Finger crossed for tonight .

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LittlePushka · 12/04/2010 22:40

Hi Eddie Iz - Just wondered if the boys were asleep nicely or getting up to nocternal fraternal mischief

(he is my hero too BTW,..and entirely responsible for me taking up a pair of trainers and entering the great north run this year for charity...wahey! He is magic and SOOO talented)

Original poster
EddieIzzardismyhero · 13/04/2010 17:50

Hi LittlePushka, thanks for asking .

They both went to sleep brilliantly - both sparko in 20 mins (by 7.30pm).

DS1 then woke crying at 12.30am, dh went into comfort him and DS2 woke for a feed (don't know whether DS1 had woken him or not!). Dh fed DS2 in the nursery, but DS1 refused to go back to sleep and we were in and out til 2am when DS2 then started screaming! Found him wedged with both his legs out of the cot and he then needed another feed to go back to sleep .

DS1 then carried on crying on and off til about 4am when we all fell into a sleep-induced coma, before both boys woke at 7.30am (not bad!).

So not the most successful night, but he's not coming back into our room (and the Moses basket has been cleaned ready to go back to our friend so no choice there).

Fingers crossed for a better night tonight!

(Good luck for the GNR - I'm running the GSR this year too ).

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