Clingy almost 3y/o suddenly super fussy again at nursery drop off and bedtime

[BlueBumedFly]

Please can someone knock some sense into me?

My DD is almost 3, has always been very shy and clingy, even with DH and Grandparents. Mummy must do everything, which is obviously not healthy or realistic.

She has been at the same nursery since she was 9 months old for 3 days a week. She is with my mum for one day and I do the 5th day. As she has gone through the classes we have always had difficulties with drop off, crying, clinging on, hysterical sounding crying IFKWIM, however, I know 30 seconds later she if off playing and fine. At night I cannot get her out as she is having so much fun.

We had a good period when she was fine and now in the last 2 weeks she has started crying again. She moves up class in the next 2 weeks and I am absolutely dreading it. Instead of getting better its getting worse!

Have also noticed bedtimes are harder, one more kiss, one more cuddle, crying etc. Nothing much has changed as far as I can tell although we are trying to push back on some ritualistic behaviour like Mummy doing EVERYTHING, allowing Daddy to take over some things. But not bed as he is never home in time so that falls to me.

So, am I over-reacting when she starts the hysterics (with tears) am worried about damaging her already fragile confidence or am I letting myself be played? Do I become more strict at drop offs or less?

Her step sister has recently been diagnosed as AS, they are here at weekends then gone but she is quite used to it. I think there may have been a little more stress recently over SDDs behaviour however.

Please help me gain some perspective?

bump please

Hiya, might also be worth you posting on the nursery thread but my DS, 2.5, is exactly the same, very attached to me and is a nightmare at nursery drop off. He's been there for nearly 18 months now, and there has never been any improvement apart from a brief spell of 2 weeks or so when there were no tears. Just as I thought we were getting somewhere we went on holiday, and when we got back were back to the tears again. He starts whimpering even as we get to the car park but like your DD is fine once I have left and he settles (unless tired/cranky) and recently I've had to start bringing chocolate buttons with me in order to get him out of there without a 45 minute tantrum! Reports are always that he has been happy, chatty and he sleeps and eats fine so I know he's ok.

I think best thing with both drop off is be consistent. Whatever line you are going to take, stick to it despite protests. So when you drop off, be happy, as relaxed as you can be, try to distract as much as possible and don't hang around, just a cheery 'bye bye, have a lovely day' wave, and leave. Don't show any emotions on your face and don't go back endlessly for cuddles etc. I'm the same at bedtime. I recently put up a stair gate and now I do exactly the bedtime routine I've always done, 2 stories, 2 songs, then 'night night, mummy's going over the magic gate, settle down now, I'm not far away' then if he comes to the gate and calls for me I just repeat from bottom of stairs 'ok, mummy's not far away, settle down now'. Unless he is crying I don't go up if I can help it. Like you I do the bedtime routine on my own as DH disabled so can't help. So DS is very reliant on me and think with a sensitive child this can be extra obvious. I'm going to buy a book called The Highly Sensitive Child as suspect DS may fall slightly into this category! It's a tough one and I don't pretend to know all the answers but these techniques for the most part work for me. Good luck!

Oh, the other thing I was going to say with your nursery, do they do the thing that mine do where one of the nurses they have been with in the previous room moves up with all the children when they go? So they are all constantly moving around the rooms so that there's at least one they are familiar with all the time. If not, perhaps your DD's key worker wouldn't mind visiting her briefly each morning to reassure for the first few weeks? Worth an ask - I know they're busy but sometimes prepared to try things in certain situations. Worth you talking to them about your worries (maybe over the phone rather than in front of your DD who might pick up on your concerns) and they might be able to suggest something or reassure you?

Thanks bondgirl, I was super quick and decisive this morning. In, coat up, hug and off. She had also asked for a cereal bar before we left so said she could have it if she did not wail when I left. Who knows what worked but she did not cry for once.

New class starts on Monday and I have been assured she is going up with her best friend. I am going to go in and see the room leader as she has an allergy so I will take that opportunity to reiterate that she is rather over sensitive.