9 month old son is not happy with me.

[LittleMrsHappy]

OK since last week ds2 just turned 9 months has decided over night that he is a daddies boy, and tbh Im not likening it one bit.

I play and keep him entertained all day and do all mummy things and then in between do housework, but still he wants his Dad and cries after him when I am in.

It started after I kept telling him off for opening the oven door (cant have a safety gate, as its a open kitchen) and he was very upset by my assertiveness, and carrying him away.

My older son is a daddies boy also, as hes fun and doesn't believe in telling the boys off so im left looking like the bad guy

Today I told ds1 off for hitting and back chatting and after 3 warnings I put ds1 (4) on time out, and I asked dh why he didn't do anything about it, he said he only does it with me.

I answered back, so that makes it OK then and he just lol-ed at me.

Dh I can deal with, having a talk regarding the boys discipline later in the week, but I cant deal with my boys being all for their daddy and only 10% me.

I now thinking I should give up on the discipline, but then I dont want brats for children or not being a parent in guiding and teaching my children from right or wrong.

You are defo doing the right thing in teaching your children right from wrong. It's just far too easy to be the 'good guy' and let kids get away with bad behaviour. My DH chickened-out of chastising our 3.9yr old for a long time until I threw a major radge about it and he eventually understood how I was feeling. Despite this my 9mth old DS still prefers my DH to me. I think some children just have an affinity to one particular parent. I'm lucky that with DS1 that's me but God, think I'd be feeling pretty hard done by if they both preferred DH. It does sound like it's because he's the goody though.
On your DH - I'd be pretty livid about his response of 'He only does it with you' reply. It's like he's saying that it's all your fault. By the time he then laughed at you I personally would have then threw a shoe at his temple (in my mind - obviously I would never condone physical violence ). You need support not critic! Hope your chat this week will help you. Maybe write a few points down or something so that if it does turn in to a 'you do this' and 'you do that' type of argument you can hark back to your written word and stay focused on the task at hand. I'm rambling I know. I'll stop now. x

I think that the problem will be solved when your DH works with you as a team on the disciplining front. At the moment he's "fun-time frankie" and you're bad cop, it's not fair! once DH lays down boundaries too and doles out discipline equal to you, I think the kids will settle down.

DS gets fed up of me too, even though my entire existence is all about making him entertained, nourished, rested and loved. I think he gets bored of me! If I'm away for a few hours though he misses me - could you get a break from them this weekend? On the proviso that DH runs a tight ship in your absence? Then you get a break and kids learn it's not just mummy who can be strict! xx

Hi LittleMrsHappy
Have you had the talk yet? Any progress?

If it makes you feel any better my 9mth ds seen my dh tonight just before muddy dh went in the shower. He screamed for 10 minutes after him until I realised Journey's 'Don't stop believing' calmed him down. The words weren't right and I sang it about 20 times in succession but it worked. Journey it is then...

Talk to your DH, you must have a united front. He isn't being fair. He is the parent, not best friend. If you can't get him to understand I would suggest parenting classes-they are very good.

Does your DH work? I found that when I was on mat leave with DS and DP was out at work all day then when he came home DS was delighted to see him. Even if he'd been in a total grump with me all day he would be full of smiles and cuddles for DP. It used to peeve me a bit especially as DP would then assume I'd had a lovely day with this delightful smily baby who in reality may well have been gurning constantly!

I just assumed he was a daddy's boy but now I am back to work too and I get just as many smiles and cuddles when i pick DS up after work as DP does when he gets home an hour later so I guess it's just that he misses us during the day.

My DD (2yo) is totally a Daddy's girl and if I tell her not to do something often the first word out of her mouth is, 'Daaaadddeeeee!'.

It does annoy me sometimes as DH is softer with her than I am but I think there are positive aspects to having differing parenting styles.

I think it is a factor that she is with me more often and that I am always there to collect her from nursery etc so she is always sure I will be there whereas DH sometimes works late so not always back for bathtime and bedtime and so she is not quite sure of whether he will be there or not.

Importantly my DH does back me up though when I ask her to apologise for something or tell her not to do something. And he won't pick her up when she is crying when she has been told by me not to do something as I feel it is undermining. We have had to discuss these things though as his natural reaction would have been to offer her comfort if she was crying regardless of the reason (and the same would go for me if the situation was reversed).

Another up side is that she calls out for Daddy about 50% of the time when she wakes in the night!

I am also able to go off and do things about the house without being followed by a little shadow but he is constantly hounded to play and asked every five minutes, 'Daddy, whatyoo doing?'.

Sometimes it does get me down but she often wants me more when she is tired or feeling a bit poorly and she definitely settles better for me as I feel I have set stronger boundaries and she knows where she stands. I think DH gets messed about a bit more and in fact have told him he needs to be a bit firmer as she will really run rings round him in a couple of years time.

Unless your younger son is incredibly advanced, I doubt he's got a Daddy preference because you told him off. At 9 months that's just not how they think.

The older one is a different matter. You definitely need consensus on that one.

My daughter has had a mummy preference from birth. We split childcare 50:50 and although we have different approaches neither of us have ever been disciplinary (she's only 16months so we distract rather than discipline) it's just how she is. She'll have a blast with her Dad all day but as soon as I come home she won't be anywhere but in my arms till bedtime. I have to get him to do bedtime because she just won't go to sleep for me. And I get the shadow thing.

Because we're 50:50 I think it must just be the way some kids are. Some have a preference, is all. They'll grow out of it.