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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

DD pushing her limits or odd behavior?

21 replies

Confuzzeled · 02/04/2010 18:23

Dd (just 3) has started to burst into tears when she doesn't want to do something.

Yesterday she wouldn't put her toys back in the box before we went out. We had an hour stand off, she claimed she had a sore finger, a sore back, she wasn't feeling well, she was tired etc. She was screaming and lying on the floor big tears rolling down her cheeks, but I knew it was simply because she didn't want to tidy up. Then all of a sudden she realised she wasn't going to win, she got up, put her toys away and acted like nothing had happened.

It's happening at meal times too, it's almost become a habit. I'm trying to ignore it but it's hard when your child is screaming "I'm not feeling well" in a public place because people think your neglecting her.

She does it to her grandparents as well and even though I've told them she's fine, they shower her with attention.

She has even said "You hurt me Mummy" on a few occasions when I've been nowhere near her. Thankfully she's not done this in public yet.

I don't know what to do, has anyone else gone through this?

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Miggsie · 02/04/2010 18:29

My friend's DD is still doing this at 6 years old...becuase, every time she does it she gets lots of attention and avoids having to do something she doesn't want to do.

You do need to tell the grand parents not to indulge her when she fakes illness or cries simply because she can't get her own way.

Also, my niece did it as well, it's not unusual but it needs to be dealt with. I ignore my friend's child when she acts up in my house, then she starts trailing round complaining and saying her head/leg/tooth/etc hurts and I just say "do you think I am stupid enough to believe that?" which normally stops her. She is now really well behaved round our house as she knows that it gets her nowhere.

You do have to be tough though, and it isn't easy!

notyummy · 02/04/2010 18:50

You are not alone. Our dd (3.7) does this; not so much the crying (although we do get that when she is in a bad mood or tired) but the 'you hurt me/I ve got a sore throat' thing.

You just have to ignore. I (try) and say quietly 'No I didn't' - and then she will generally follow me round the house shouting 'yes you did!!' for a couple of times. If she is rude or aggressive in her tone whilst doing this then she goes on the time out step. I guess the key thing is that they don't get whatever it is they are trying to get by behaving in this way.

monkeyfacegrace · 02/04/2010 18:55

My daughter (3) did this the other day. She was running down the hallway and tripped over and hit her head (i saw it all as I was in the kitchen). She didnt know I had seen, and ran to me crying that daddy had hit her!! I was . I told her she was a silly girl as no-one wants to be friends with a liar. Ive had a few more incidents too, its so sodding draining!

2old4thislark · 02/04/2010 18:55

Fair play to her she's preety bright to have worked this all out!

DO NOT let her behaviour change what you are asking her to do, otherwise she takes the power in the realtionship and it's a very slippery slope. In my line of work, I meet a lot of children and some are still 'playing' their parents at 6 years old!

Be tough, I know it's hard!

geraldinetheluckygoat · 02/04/2010 18:56

when mine do this, I tell them they need to do whatever it is Ive asked them to do and to come and find me when theyve done it, then walk out the room. Works sometimes. If they still carry on being dramatic, they go and sit on the door mat till they are ready to tidy up or whatever.

lifesucks · 02/04/2010 18:58

my dd(3.2) behaviour is the same as yours.i have no advice but will be watching this thread.

Original poster

Confuzzeled · 03/04/2010 10:01

Phew glad to know it's not just my monster.

Okay, plan is to just stick with what I'm doing and not give in to her.

OP posts:

2old4thislark · 03/04/2010 16:43

And I would suggest 'rewarding' the instant she behaves well, or does what you've asked her to do withot throwing a strop. Even if that behaviour is simply sitting nicely at the table.

By reward it can just be lots of praise or you could try a reward chart or marble jar etc. Really praise the smallest amount of good behaviour and hopefully these will increase.

I'm training my dog at the moment and it works with her!

Original poster

Confuzzeled · 03/04/2010 17:04

Ha Ha, yes I know it's funny how dogs can be just like children.

OP posts:

2old4thislark · 03/04/2010 17:32

The training works the same - I think it might even work with husbands.......

Octaviapink · 03/04/2010 19:05

If it's any consolation, learning to lie is a big developmental step!

yummymummy11201422 · 03/04/2010 21:58

My little boy has stated doing a simular thing at bed time he will be 3 in July. He goes to bed without a fuss but will wake up 3 or 4 times through the night demanding juice, blankets, other pillows a film on, tissues anything he can think of.
I feel really really mean but the first time he wakes up I will go in and see that nothing is really a matter but when this list starts and he is normally crying too I ignore it. Its very hard as you never know if you are doing the right thing or not but before I used to get what he wanted and there would be something wrong with that or he does'nt want it anymore, it was wearing me out.
It is my 3rd nite at ignoring the behaviour no improvement yet but well see.
Am I doing the right thing???

PassMeTheKleenex · 03/04/2010 22:15

Yummymummy - we have almost exactly the same with our DS. He will be 3 in April, and I can't remember the last time he went to bed without waking up at least once, asking to come into our bed and/or asking for juice/the hall light on etc etc.

We are going to him, checking he is OK, then leaving him in bed. We got one of those Gro Clocks to try and keep him in bed til morning - mixed results so far.

I am now onto the sticker/reward chart. Chocolate seems to be the one thing that consistently motivates him...so I have a treat tin that he gets a small thing (eg chocolate coin) from when he does something good. I am sure there are plenty of people willing to say I should not bribe him with sweets - but I say, whatever gets you through the night. Especially with a 2 mth old as well, I can't survive on NO sleep. Definitely ignore the behaviour - I read somewhere that habits develop & need to be undone over 21 days (eek!) so don't give up just yet...sometimes I really believe it is a battle of wills, and you just have to hold out longer than them. Three year olds DEFINITELY know how to play you - DS knows his games have limited success with me, but he gets much more of a reaction from DH, so 9 times out of 10, that's who he asks for. We are that cliched family - "I'll get your Mum" is the ultimate threat!!

Keep going, we'll get there in the end...

loolop · 03/04/2010 22:19

Another dd 3.2 behaving exactly the same. Her classic at the moment,along with the sore throat,arm,finger,head,tummy thing, is doing something wrong deliberately then wailing 'it was an acccccccideeeent mummy!' grrrrrrr!

notyummy · 03/04/2010 22:27

An 'interesting' day here with dd (3.7) who has made several developmental leaps I would rather she hadn't.....

We had two playdates at our house today. One with a little boy who was dropped off by Mum and she attempted to boss about all morning, and every game they played 'I'm the winner and you're the loooosssserrr' (with accompanying 'L' sign on her forehead. (I'm not kidding here - I wish I was....)

In the afternoon we had friends with 2 children round, one of whom is the same age. She flat refused to play with her, and then made a series of stories up of how the other little girl was injuring her/not letting her play with x or y. The final straw came when (in front of the other parents) I told her to stop doing something and she threw everything on the floor declaring 'FFS' (in full) before stropping off to her room. Aghast, I chased after her to remonstrate/apply time out and she shouted 'leave me alone you big poo, I am not putting up with this any more.'

Double gin anyone.....?

mynewme · 03/04/2010 22:36

Oh, thank god for this thread, my ds was 3 last month and all we've been getting at bed time ever since - or at any time that he decides he doesn't want to do something - is: I've got a sore toe / tummy / throat / knee / I'm going to be sick, followed by tantrum, and we get the lies too. However the worst has been refusal of cuddles because - "I already gave you one this morning mummy" The terrible two's, with hindsight, were a breeze. We are on our knees!

loolop · 03/04/2010 22:48

Notyummy I think we have twin threenagers! DD is obsessed with being the winner with the accompanying ne ne ne neh nehs. Cringe.

2old4thislark · 03/04/2010 22:57

All I can advice is that you need to be firm and consistent with not giving in to their behaviour now. Otherwise they'll be calling the shots forever!

Original poster

Confuzzeled · 04/04/2010 07:38

Love love love, threenagers, thats sooooo true.

Notyummy, that sounds awful but I'm glad it's not just my child who shouted "oh for Flucks Slakes Mummy" in Sainsburys.

This morning dd got up super early and when I told her to go back to bed she went and brushed her head off the bedroom door handle and screamed "I need to go to hospital". A few weeks ago she ran into the door handle by accident and we had to go to A&E to get her checked for concussion.

I'm just sticking to my guns and not giving in to her. I've told her it's naughty to tell lies and she even admitted this morning that she told a lie. Maybe it's getting through to her.

OP posts:

Adair · 04/04/2010 07:45

Mother of another threenager here!
What works with mine sometimes is sympathising and agreeing but still insisting on whatever it is you actually wanted. So 'oh dear, does your tummy hurt? Maybe we can get some warm milk after you tidy your room.' It's terrible when they use your own tactics (distraction) on you .

yummymummy11201422 · 04/04/2010 09:11

Passmethekleenex,
Thankyou I feel much better now knowing simular things go on in your house hold too hehe! and great news the last two mornings when he's woken up the tantruns have carried on but last night I stuck to my guns how ever hard it was and this morning he woke with no tantrum what so ever, break through (grin).
Chocolate works for me too and like you a small token works fine, no problems with doing chocolate as a bribe.

and seeing that we are all experiencing very simular things where you get to the point of pulling you hair out it's a comfort to know that were not on our own.

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