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Original poster

3 year old playing with his penis

28 replies

Jemnot · 02/04/2010 01:21

Hi, I wondered if I could ask for some advice please. I'm not sure how to deal with this situation. I'm scared of where to ask for help so I found this place and thought it seemed more safe than the internet in general to ask for advice from other mothers.

My 3 year old is just getting out of nappies and into 'big boy pants'. He's started playing with his private parts and I came into the room tonight and he was lying on his back on the floor with his penis out, playing with it. I just looked at him in shock but I was thinking, 'don't act shocked! just distract him!' so I just said 'do you want to play cars?' and he eagerly said 'yes mummy!' and he jumped up and we played with his toy cars for a bit.

Am I right in thinking that the best way to deal with this is to distract the child and to not make a big deal of it? All the books I read said that you shouldn't stress about it and that it is normal and you just have to distract the child and not give them a complex by reacting to it but at the same time you're supposed to let them know that they aren't allowed to do that in public but he's 3, I can't explain the difference between public and private to him. I don't know how to make him understand that and I already feel guilty that I have to work and go to college and don't get to be with him 24/7 anymore.

I'm scared of not dealing with this the right way... Do you have any advice or experience please that you could help me?

thank you
x

OP posts:
BelleDeChocolateFluffyBunny · 02/04/2010 01:24

Just tell him it's OK to do that but in his room when he's alone.

Don't say anything about feeling guilty, they cope. Enjoy the time that you do spend with him.

GardenPath · 02/04/2010 01:58

Don't give it another thought, Jemnot - it's PERFECTLY NORMAL. Especially as he's just out of nappies, it's a new toy and it feels... well, 'nice'. He'll be doing it for the next sixty years. Lol. I read somewhere Victorian nannies used to stroke little boys willies to sooth them to sleep. You won't see that on Supernanny!

He's hardly likely to be dressed - presumably - for willy wiggling in public and as he gets older he'll just see other boys don't do it and anyway, a three year old willy is hardly offensive, is it?

You're doing exactly the right thing, don't stress, don't stress him, don't make a big deal - in fact, ignore it. Little boys are forever playing with their willies, they don't even think about it. Willies are just in the right place for little boys to play with, aren't they? At the end of their arms. Anyway, he'll be able to count up to eleven.

Original poster
Jemnot · 02/04/2010 02:32

lmao. Oh Gardenpath you just said all the things that I was kind of thinking but feeling too shy to say! lol. My mum always says that boys go through a difficult stage between the ages of 2 and 92... lol

I heard that too, about the nannies I mean. I only told him that it was called a willy 3 days ago. He asked me and I told him. I was worried about that actually as we have a relative who is called William and known as Willie but thankfully for my nerves he hasn't made the connection yet! ;)

OP posts:
nooka · 02/04/2010 02:38

It's also fine to say "put it away now" every now and then, not as a big deal, but just the same as any other slightly annoying behaviour. If you're not sure that he's got the hang of public/private then you could just be more directive, and say "don't play with your willy on the bus/nursery/at Granny's house etc". Pretty much the same as things like picking his nose really!

MrsFlittersnoop · 02/04/2010 03:01

I had the (discreetly whispered) "Don't play with your willy - it's private" convo with DS (aged 4) on a v. crowded bus full of leery teenagers, scary hoodies and respectable grans in saris and cardies.

He was most indignant, and shouted at the top of his voice..

"Mummy! - I am NOT playing with my willy, I am FEELING my BALLS!!!"

The whole bus just - well. Exploded with merriment. It was a delightfully bonding communal experience, I suppose, but not one I'd ever care to repeat. .

Just distract him! Reinforce the message that it's a nice thing to do (and therefore perfectly normal) but people will think it's impolite - like, er, picking noses, farting etc....

CheerfulYank · 02/04/2010 03:04

PMSL mrsflitter!

MrsFlittersnoop · 02/04/2010 03:09

Ha! DS is now 13 - I threaten him with this anecdote whenever he steps out of line!

Facebook is a dual-edged sword when wielded by the correct set of claws paws!

GardenPath · 02/04/2010 03:50

Hhahahahahah ahahaha hahahhahaha hahaha ooh, my pelvic floor just gave out!

Octaviapink · 02/04/2010 08:07

LOL MrsFlittersnoop!

tillyfernackerpants · 02/04/2010 08:39

MrsFlittersnoop

Jemnot, just to echo everyone else, its normal. Ds1 is now 4 & still plays with his penis but now understands not to do it in public, that its a private thing.

Next thing to tackle though is that he shouldn't really play with ds2's penis in the bath...

Tee2072 · 02/04/2010 09:26

ROFLMAO Mrsflitter!

Jemnot I am shocked he's just started playing with it! My son is not quite 10 months and every nappy change I swear I have to say to him 'Yes, you have a penis. Would you mind moving your hand off it now so Mummy can fasten your nappy?'

And the totally surreal 'Please remove froggy from your penis' as he was playing with his stuffed frog while I was changing his nappy and he kept sort of hitting frog against his penis!

So really, your son has started a bit late.

Original poster
Jemnot · 02/04/2010 18:55

I'm crying with laughter here at some of these! Thanks everyone!

Actually he's been doing it occasionally but since he's been wearing his 'big boy pants' it's like he's just discovered a new toy!

Or maybe he's just copying his dad, he's always 'adjusting' himself too! Though thankfully not in public!

Next issue is how to get him to stop pushing the door open when someone is using the bathroom and then going downstairs and telling everyone what the person is doing...

He walked in on his dad in the bathroom recently and then came downstairs and announced loudly (we had family around so the room was full) 'mummy, daddy is doing a poo!'

OP posts:
BuzzingNoise · 02/04/2010 18:58

OP, you are right. Don't mention it, just distrct him. It's perfectly normal.

BuzzingNoise · 02/04/2010 18:58

distrct????? DISTRACT

AmazingBouncingFerret · 02/04/2010 19:02

Oh yes completely normal. My 3 year old DS has his hands pretty much constantly down his pants when we are at home. I will sometimes hear the cries of "mummy! my willy's up!" Thankfully Im still waiting for him to shout that one in public.

tiredemma · 02/04/2010 19:06

Normal, normal, normal.

a few years ago Ds1 asked DP "Daddy does your willy stick up aswell when you see the Pussycat Dolls on MTV??"

pigletmania · 02/04/2010 19:43

Totally normal, men eh, just dont make a fuss of it. I walked in on my dh watching the tv with his hand down his pants which quickly moved away when i came into the room

Original poster
Jemnot · 02/04/2010 22:09

I can't stop laughing! Some of these are just so funny and I don't feel nearly so alone now!

I'm dreading the 'willy up' question. He's not said anything about that yet! Although once when my sister was changing his nappy (when he was just a few months old) it was definitely 'up' and he wee'd in her mouth!

Lesson 1 - when changing a little boys nappy do not lean over him with your mouth open!

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GardenPath · 02/04/2010 23:00

Even funnier when they wee in their own mouths - and you remind them of it when they're 28. Preferably in front of their GF's. Ah, revenge is sweet.

MyCatIsABastard · 02/04/2010 23:09

I've still got this to look forward too, but my DS (13mths) giggles when I wipe his willy when changing his nappy.

V Funny!

MadamDeathstare · 03/04/2010 01:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GardenPath · 03/04/2010 02:08

"...and telling everyone what the person is doing..." ROFL!

In our house, we only had one loo and that was in the bathroom. One morning, I was desperate for a wee and my daughter, then about 4, was on the loo and was likely to be some time. After jigging about and crossing my legs I could hold it no longer so, just had to do it, I perched on the side of the bath.

This 'scoop' appeared later in her school diary, complete with coloured-in picture!

'Today, mummy did a we in the bath'

I noticed Miss at least had the sensitivity not to correct her spelling, but had given her a smiley face sticker!

Klops · 03/04/2010 21:28

I can completely understand how you must have felt and you were clearly trying to think how best you could respond. First your little boy has found his penis and discovered that stroking or fiddling gives him pleasure. It?s best not to give this activity too much attention once you accept that it is very normal ? emphasise ? normal development.

Your reactions are crucial. Just try to remain calm and in control. Any shock anger or sharp intakes of breath will communicate the wrong message. He is still very young and if it recurs when he is older ? say playing more publicly. Then you can quietly suggest that he just goes to his bedroom when he feels the need.

The good news is that it is normal behaviour after he has found a simple way to obtain pleasure.

Congratulations on the way that you did respond!

Klops

missmoopy · 03/04/2010 21:43

My dd (now 5) spent months with her hands down her pants when she first came out of nappies. She still has a fiddle from time to time! Its normal, its natural and as long as they understand that its for the privacy of their own home then its fine. And that whilst it istotally fine for them to do it, no one else can do it to them.

dd has recently discovered her nipples and is now often found with her hand up her top!

It feels nice so they will do it, they do not associate it with sexual feelings. It normal exploartory behaviour.

Kids huh!!? So funny.

Original poster
Jemnot · 03/04/2010 22:52

"This 'scoop' appeared later in her school diary, complete with coloured-in picture!"

lmao. This is funny because it didn't happen to me! (I said that in a Homer Simpson voice) Although it's just made me realise that I've got all this to come!

I'm thankful for all the kind, reassuring, and hilarious replies. I know I've only just got here but I feel really safe and comfortable already. I love talking about my son and hearing other women (or men for that matter) talking about theirs but I don't normally get the chance in 'real life' because the women that I work with have only grown-up children and the women that I go to college with are (like me) too busy with the actual college work to talk about anything else.

I love it! I will be going about my daily life and I'll suddenly remember something funny that I read on here, I was on a crowded train today and I suddenly remembered this one from littleboyblue in the top 1o of funny things kids do:

"We have our xmas tree up and ds wants to play with all the baulbals (16m), so he touches them or goes to touch them and I tell him no. He now hides behind the floor length curtains and you'll see a little tiny finger slowly come out, poke the tree and dart back, followed by a little giggle.
So funny!!!! "

and I was just sitting there opposite a couple of business men when I just remembered it and snorted with laughter! I tried to turn it into a cough but they looked at me very strangely! lol.

This place is great!

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