Tantrums at home but not at nursery

[havinganightin]

Hi

After advice please. My lo (now 15 months) has been gong to nursery since he was 10 months. He goes for 2 days a week and he has mostly settled in well.

I often stay and chat to the girls when I collect him at the end of the day and try and wrestly my lo into his coat. He often clings on to me (happy to see me - all smiles and laughter) but then often has a tantrum. One of the girls said today they are interested in how he is because he never has a tantrum during the day!

On the days that I am home with him he is starting to have more and more tantrums. Often the 'throw himself on the floor' type when he can't get something he wants / do something he wants to do. I try (and think I mostly succeed) in not getting angry with him - I make a comment about being silly and walk away.

Can anyone tell me why he is an angel at nursery but has these temper tantrums with me (and my husband)? Is it how I am reacting - and, if so, what can I do to change it? I am not sure whether the girl meant anything by her comment - I didn't think so at the time but, on reflection, think she may have.

Thanks

Mine do this too. Nursery is way too much fun to waste time tantrumming.

And kids save their tantrums for their nearest and dearest, at least that's what I tell myself.

I've helped out in a pre-school as a parent helper for a few years and there are lots of kids like this. Scream the place down when their parents drop them off and then turn it off like a tap, two minutes later.
Then at hometime, they scream blue murder and don't want to leave the school!
I think it's because they feel very secure with mum and dad and can 'let go' properly which results in a flood of emotions and a tantrum.
Don't worry it's perfectly normal and it does get better.

I think they also kind of know from a young age what is expected of them at nursery - ie what behaviour is acceptable. And I think that maybe in their comfort zone at home they feel freer to lose control and try it on with their parents. I don't think they'd dare to try it at nursery! But they might hold in any frustration and then let it all out at home!

Thanks all. You have made me feel a lot better (I think, although a solution to stop it at home would have been nice!)

Thinking back at her conversation made me feel bad (but I didn't feel like that at the time). I just wanted to see if I was reading too much into it.

I think you ARE reading something into her comment. They probably genuinely find it interesting to witness such contrasting behaviour. My DS2's nursery teacher is always shocked when I tell him that he has had a big melt-down at home that morning or something or is refusing to do something I've asked him to do - she always says he is as good as gold and never plays up at nursery. I think good nursery staff are genuinely interested in their charges' behaviour - and the really good ones are interested in how they behave at home, not just when they are at nursery.

That's alright then. Not being judged as a bad mother ... Thanks ChA.