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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

I feel like my son prefers his grandma to me...

7 replies

Flemka · 01/04/2010 16:16

My 10 month old has forged a really strong bond with my mum his grandma which at first was great especially when I needed some breathing space or babysitting but now I feel really quite jealous. He cries when she leaves the room and practically jumps from your arms when he sees her (neither of which he does for me or my hubby). He is the first granchild (I have 4 siblings) and so is lavished with attention but I now feel like some sort of surrogate who only gets the tears and tantrums.

I have recently also had pangs of guilt that I am doing something wrong and that it is my bad parenting skills that have led him to gravitate towards his grandma and wonder what she offers that I don't??

Is this just a phase he is going through?

Has anyone else experienced this? Am I just being paranoid??

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LoveBeingAMummy · 01/04/2010 16:18

Totally the same with my dd and my mum, not a phase as mine has just turned 2. If we get in the car and don't go to my mums its almost tears (and sometimes is) not good as they live round the corner!

Batteryhuman · 01/04/2010 16:20

I'm sure it is just a phase. Try and feel delighted that he has such a wonderful relationship with your mum. He will love lots of people - the more the better surely?

jocie · 01/04/2010 22:18

odly my mum feels like that about my eldest ds as he has a very strong bond with my mil and will always 'choose' her but i think its because me and my mum parent in a very similar way and discipline in a similar way whereas its poss that mil is more lenient!
He also went through a phase(which my youngest ds is at now) of my dad being the 'be all and end all'.
I think in response to the 'what does she offer that i don't' its prob just that she is like the 'friend' who can lavish all attention on him whereas you still need to get stuff done whilst he's around, she can do the housework etc when he's back with you. Its the perks of being a grandparent, you get to do all the fun stuff and then hand them back for the hard stuff! Hopefully one day we'll all get to be grandparents!

Gracie14 · 05/04/2010 20:39

Flemka - This sounds so familiar - my DS is completely besotted with my mum he is also the first grandchild. She is also besotted with him which is lovely to see. I do have times when I am jealous but most of the time just extremely thankful that they have such a great bond especially as she looks after him whilst I work for a couple of days a week.

I think it goes to show how well they are looked after by our mums which means they must be happy when we are not there.

I still go through the guilt part but really I wouldn't want it any other way. I have a very close friend whos mother doesn't want to know her grandchildren and it is heartbreaking so I think we have to be thankful for that

pamelat · 05/04/2010 21:03

I wouldnt worry. My DD is 2.3 now and usually a real mummys girl. However, depending on her mood, if we are around either set of grandparents she will say "no not mummy want nana".

She does it between me and her daddy too. She is just being a madam and learning the reactions that showing a preference has.

(maybe not the same at 10 months) but you never know.

However if she falls, feels unwell, is tired etc she doesnt want anything to do with anyone other than mummy. So I enjoy the "want nana" moments

Phoenix · 05/04/2010 21:06

Sounds very familiar to me too. My ds1 (4) is also my parents' 1st grandchild. He's slept over at their house on a friday since he was very small and he goes their when i work too.

My mum drives me insane though when ds says 'mummy' and she answers him and she laughs and says 'oh i still can't get used to you been mummy and not me.' HE's 4 FFS!!!! He does get confused sometimes and call them mummy and daddy or us grandma and grandad.

Now i've got ds2 (9mth old) and he loves them both too. He also sleeps on a friday night and goes there now i'm back at work. He isn't as bad yet but i suspect he will be as he gets older.

My parents hate to go a few days without seeing my boys. I know they love them but it is upsetting when they seem to prefer your parents to you.

pamelat · 05/04/2010 21:20

Having recently lost my grandma, who looked after me during most school holidays, and babysat at least one night a week, can I just say that we should all (including me) try to look at it from that angle.

My grandma was a huge influence in my life (my mums mum) and when she died (10 months ago) it hurt me like nothing before has ever hurt me. Obviously it would be different/worse to lose my own parents but fortunately that seems a long time off. I miss her so much and sometimes it feels that I have lost the person who loved me most in my life . I think a relationship between a grand daughter and grandma is "easier" than that between a grand daughter and mother.

I would love for my DD to have that relationship with her grandparents. Although I will continue to be jealous .

As a teenager (half my life ago) it really helped me to be close to my grandma as I told her things that I could never tell my mum. My mum probably resented that (I would) but it helped me a lot and kept me safe. I also want that for my DD.

I am currently pregnant and glad I am having a boy, should be an easier relationship

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