I sometimes get so depressed about my dd's moods

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Dd2 is 7 (year 2). She's a highly intelligent sensitive child who has many highs and lows. She's v emotional, things 'get' to her a lot. But on the plus side she is very loving and sweet. She's the middle one of 3 girls, oldest is nearly 9 and youngest is 3.

I find her mood swings v difficult to deal with. She'll be going along with her day quite happily when suddenly I'll hear grunting/shouting/loud crying (no tears) and 'something' will have made her cross. One particular issue is that she doesn't like to miss out on anything. If dd1 is going out to play, dd2 will insist on dd1 waiting for her much to dd1's annoyance. Or if we've started a game and we give her the option of joining in or waiting for the next game, she'll want us to restart it just for her. Dh and I are fairly firm, we don't give in to her demands as she has to learn she can't always have her way and there are other members of the family to consider. But it doesn't make it any easier to deal with. When she's really angry she'll shout either 'this is the worst day of my life/I hate you/I hate my family/I wish I'd never been born' The other week she said 'I hate life'

I am a SAHM and dh works quite long hours although he's v hands-on when he's here. I find her outbursts v draining and upsetting and sometimes I wonder where I've gone wrong she seems so unhappy. Dh says she isn't unhappy generally, she just has problems controlling her emotions.

She's actually quite similar to me - I remember feeling similar frustrations as a child, I eventually became calmer. I don't think my mother handled it very well - I often got the message that I was only lovable if I was good and why can't I be more like such and such... So I am careful to convey to dd2 that I love her all the time even when she's grumpy. But it's v difficult to keep calm myself when she's like this. Sometimes I feel so angry with her, couple of times I've lost my temper with her and shouted - she immediately became remorseful and sorry. So maybe she needs a firmer hand I just don't know...

Any advice?

My middle dd is yr 2 as well. We get lets of aggression when life isn't going her way - she is very particularly about playing make believe games and finishing them etc.

No idea if how we handle it is any good but she gets a warning about her aggresiveness - shouting/growling etc and if it doesn't calm down she gets a time out.

AS a STAMM with 3 DCs and a minder\nanny of one family of 3 . It's really interesting that you are both posting about middle children.

One of the ways i managed to control problems was to always be scrupulously fair to all the DCs: remembering whose turn it was to choose the TV programme and for how long etc. sometimes having a chart with all names on so they all see there was no favouritism, also discussing it at length.

I think that middle DCs have a harder time in families of 3 'cos they are not the oldest or the baby. Maybe yr DH could have the others while you take out yr middle DD somewhere special (I saw that idea on one of the TV nanny shows and thought it brilliant it worked well).

Lots of luck.

Ah, you sound like you're describing my sister - also a middle child!

We've got a great recording of her aged about 11 singing "nobody loves me, everybody hates me, i'm going down the the garden to eat worms". Also our kitchen door has bite marks all along the rim as when I went off to school she went and bit it. She is definelty the more emotional one and does not like to miss out - even now in her late 20's. We always knew when she was awake and grumpy as we'd have doors slamming and her thumpy walk.

My parents were fairly consistent in regards to all of us. I as the older "good" one often had to pick up the things she and my younger bro wouldn't do. eg getting washing in, peeling potates, ironing.

I think it's fairly normal behaviour for a middle child(have done some research into birth order) so try not to worry too much about it and be consistent as you can. Also make time for one on one for each child.

Interesting I actually have 4 children so have 2 middle children IYSWIM, but she is truly a "proper" middle one due to a large age gap and then 3 close together.

I am very fair though, inbetween the aggression she is actually very sunny and lovely but she has been my only biter!