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Original poster

my child ignores me and his dad

15 replies

kierra09 · 01/04/2010 02:43

help my son ignores me and his dad all the time hes cheeky, rips wallpaper, he hits out at us everything we do just dose not seem to work, hes 3 years old and we are out of ideas to get him to bahave we need some help and alot of ideas thanx ruth fleming

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
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doodlemama · 01/04/2010 06:57

I do find myself having to repeat myself lots with my son before he listens. Spoke to the health visitor about it and she said to generally try to get more involved in what he's doing. So if he picks up a train, then sit with him and say 'wow look at that blue/ grey or whatever train' or that train can make all sorts of sounds 'chug chug', 'choo choo'. Or whatever just to get him talking and interacting - also gives him lots of attaention. He has got a lot better.

On the hitting out and tearing wallpaper, if he doesn't stop after you've told him twice to stop, I'd give the age old 'naughty' step a go. It works for me most of the time! Roughly, one minute for each year so 2-3 minutes for your little un and then a genuine apology so that he realises that it's not OK. But they're only little - they do eventually learn! Good luck

thecloudhopper · 01/04/2010 08:26

Whatever behaviour stratergies you go for I would make sure you are consistant, deside with your husband what behaviour are acceptable and what are not and stick to it, if you have dicided that he needs chill out time on a quiet chair then follow through even if this meens placeing him back the 100 000th time.

Tips to rememer:

  1. If you can distract. If you see that your son is going to go into one then try and distract him away with a toy or something to do and make it sound like the best thing in the world to do.
  2. Ignore where possible, if he is stremping on the floor and it is noise and hardly any tears then I would walk away, eventually he will stop when he realises that he is not getting your attention.
  3. Changing your tone of voice can be a fantastic tool, use a high pitched voice for praise and a lower deeper tone for when he has done wrong.
  4. WIth unacceptable behaviour chill out time is needed, by removing him and placing him somewhere were he can chill out and calm down.
  5. Play with him and let him lead the play.
  6. Give him lots and lots of praise when he is doing the right thing and be specific ie I love the way you tidied the cars etc. Don't underestimate the power of praise.
HTH
Original poster
kierra09 · 03/04/2010 00:44

i hope so we are both just totaly out of options pulling our hair out? i hope this works? its like am telling him the same thing over and over again the health visitor is getting him treated for autisam do you think this could be conected?? thanx ruth x

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mummiedearest · 03/04/2010 00:56

i wondered if he was autistic when you said he ignores you. does he talk to you. does he show any emotion, cuddles etc or is he frustrated so he resorts to this destructive behavior.Im no expert but ive worked with autistic children and they just dont seem to connect.

Original poster
kierra09 · 03/04/2010 01:32

sometimes he shows some emotion other times he just seemes very closed out he even plays alone sometimes?

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mummiedearest · 03/04/2010 01:48

well all childen do that but i would be worrying if he doesnt engage with you like not showing affection or showing innappropriate responses. Your health visitor is probably best to advise you tbh.

Original poster
kierra09 · 03/04/2010 01:58

thanx very much for all ur suggestions will hopefully talk to u again very soon! what do you mean by inapproparate responses?

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mummiedearest · 03/04/2010 02:05

well , like if he reacts unexpectedly. Like having a major freakout about a teeny weeny thing, or not reacting at all if say the cat died, or some other calamity that would upset most other children. just different to what youd expect.

Original poster
kierra09 · 03/04/2010 02:13

he dose do that he gose nuts when cbbs has finished on the teley and its time to go to bed

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mummiedearest · 03/04/2010 02:31

mmm but hes only 3 isnt he . most kids will get upset about things like that. most children of that age would be happy to watch the same episode over and over and bed time is never a good time is it.It could just be that hes struggling to express himself. Tantrums are a daily joy in three year olds. Sorry if im not being much help. Do you and DS spend much time with other children. seeing him interacting with other children will give you an idea of how normal his behavior is.

thecloudhopper · 03/04/2010 08:09

You could try giving him a picture timetable for that part of the day with now and next on so that he knows what is happening and when that might help a bit.

thecloudhopper · 03/04/2010 08:11

With autism knowing the routine does really help, so a visual timetable at key times should help.

Original poster
kierra09 · 03/04/2010 15:02

hes the best little boy when hes with other people and when he comes home to me and his daddy hes so cheeky violent? he gose to nursery and i watch him playing with other kids but when they come to the house he wont play with them i am just so excausded trying diffrent things, we try and spend as much time with him as possible but i have a 6 month old girl so its not that easy, you are helping alot thank you

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Miggsie · 03/04/2010 17:33

My friend's boy was like this and she got the book "playful parenting" and she says it is a great book and really worked for her and her son.

I noticed she was far less stressed!

Original poster
kierra09 · 05/04/2010 15:57

could you ask your freind were she got the book from thanx

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