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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

new (ish) daddy REALLY needing advice or reassurance please

14 replies

proudestdaddy · 31/03/2010 13:01

Hi everyone,
my name is austin and i am the proudest daddy to DS, I heard about mumsnet through toddler playgroup and wondered if anybody could give me some advice or reassurance regarding my little one's development.

DS is now two and a half years and is only just beginning to say his first words,(we have his first child speech therapist apointment today), and he was a late walker also but other than that he posed no significant worries reagrding his development,
BUT
my worry is his feeding himself, or rather his lack of it. He still wants to be fed by his parents with a fork or spoon, if you try and encourage him to do it then he throws a wobbler. He feeds himself with finger food but not with his utensils. Is this something other parents have come across? s he just being lazy or just enjoys us feeding him? I am beginning to get a bit stressed about it.

Thanks

Austin

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onepieceoflollipop · 31/03/2010 13:07

This is just my personal opinion, but is it that he can't or won't use utensils. If it's that he struggles to use them at all, then perhaps mention to the hv,

If it's just his choice not to use them then I wouldn't worry too much. I have 2 dds. The youngest is a similar age to your ds. She can (and will) use a spoon and fork, she likes to copy her older sister. However at times she prefers to use her hands, depending on what the meal is. Far easier to cram pasta in with your hands than a fork if you are only 2.

Often these issues can become much bigger if you pressure the child. Have your tried letting him go out with you and choose a new spoon/fork. And/or let him choose his yogurt or whatever and while choosing it mention he will be using his new spoon.

Does he get the opportunity to see other children eating/feeding themselves. Sometimes that can be an encouragement.

We had the opposite issue with my dd1, she flatly refused to eat finger foods until well past a year!

onepieceoflollipop · 31/03/2010 13:08

Sorry, just re-read my post and noticed the terrible punctuation.

I am going out now but I am sure other people will have other advice for you.

Original poster

proudestdaddy · 31/03/2010 13:14

hi, thanks for the reply,

I wouldnt say he has a problem with the utnsils, he used to feed himself when he was eating fruit purees, he would grad a spoon and just shovel it all in but only his purees.

i guess i shouldnt worry about it but i cant help it, i am trying to be a laid back modern daddy regarding his upbringing/ develoment but find myself getting bit stressed sometimes about the wee things

ta
Austin

OP posts:

piprabbit · 31/03/2010 13:14

My DS (23mo) is capable of uing his spoon and fork, but often chooses not to and will have a meltdown if pushed.

So jelly, yoghurt and rice (not together) are eaten with fingers, tea loaf is eaten with an adult-size fork and on one memorable occasion a cupcake was eaten with a straw (that took a long time).

If your DS is able to use utensils when he wants to (and I include things like pencils and paintbrushes in that) then I wouldn't be worrying too much as it may just be a question of testing his power to control a situation. Otherwise, a chat to your HV may help.

Octaviapink · 31/03/2010 13:15

I agree with onepieceoflollipop - he's probably just choosing not to. He may get frustrated at his inability to manage a spoon or fork effectively - you say he feeds himself finger foods. It is best not to make an issue of it - don't encourage him any more, don't even mention it. But you could give him spoons and forks to play with at other times - roll up some balls of plasticine and let him spear them with a fork, or if you're feeling really creative make a plasticine dinosaur and let him hack it to bits with a knife and fork! Play scooping up marbles with a big spoon - that sort of thing. It might just be about the dexterity - some children just don't like doing things they can't do well.

onepieceoflollipop · 31/03/2010 13:17

Don't mention jelly! dd2 requests jelly pots specifically so she can "mess about" with them. (she has confessed this to us and these were her exact words!) A bit like juicy play dough apparently.

KidsTunes · 31/03/2010 14:18

he used to feed himself when he was eating fruit purees, he would grad a spoon and just shovel it all in

In that case I'm quite sure there's nothing to worry about - he's probably just contrary. For a good while my DD would only walk when she thought no-one was looking, and still won't walk in her creche even though she runs around the place at home

DuchessOfAvon · 31/03/2010 14:22

My 3.5 yr old is just starting to reliably use cutlery, though if she's starving she'll revert to hands to shovel it in. It's a small independance in a world of adult control.

coldtits · 31/03/2010 14:25

It's really quite normal at his age.

If you think about it, by the time he GETS his food he's hungry. He doesn't want to fart about with a fork when his fingers will do.

The only think stopping adults from using their fingers is dislike of mess and fear of mockery. Toddlers don't have this.

NorbertDentressangle · 31/03/2010 14:25

Its not something to worry about IME as they tend to just choose to use hands as its easier/more fun etc , like others have said.

A word of warning though -if your DS is anything like mine was, the next stage involves holding cutlery in a cack-handed way (more like a weapon that an aid to eating!) but they do get the hang of it eventually.

TanteRose · 31/03/2010 14:32

my DS used to hold his fork/spoon/chopsticks very properly in one hand.....and then stuff his food in with the other hand, keeping the utensils aloft, and out of the way...

He carried on doing this until he was 5 or 6 a bit older, and then managed fairly well with cutlery after that.

Its early days yet...

bumbums · 31/03/2010 14:33

All the responses are axactly what I would say too. One way of dealing with it on a daily basis is just to put the meal in front of him and let him get on with it. He eats how he likes and as much as he likes (or not, he won't starve). Or you could use a bit of bribary. He uses his spoon/fork for three mouth fulls then he gets a reward. Sticker, choc button, special game, trip to park etc.

Eventually the desire to be a big boy and be just like Daddy will kick in and he'll want to do all these things. In the mean time carry on with the relaxed meal times.

Original poster

proudestdaddy · 01/04/2010 13:45

hi everyone

thank you for all the comments, i will try to relax a bit more

thanks
Austin

OP posts:

dinkystinky · 01/04/2010 13:47

DS1 was like that too - part laziness and part not wanting to get himself dirty by feeding himself (he's a very particular little boy). His eating improved alot by the time he was 3 and now at nearly 4 he feeds himself without prompting 90% of the time - still have some bad days but it will pass.We did the treat after meal reward plus reward chart which worked well - but really backing off seemed to help most. It will get better.

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