What can it be?

[whatsgoingon1]

My nephew just turned six. He spends a lot of time in our house and I start to worry for him. He has some very strange mannerisms. For example when he is talking to me or especially my kids, he shuts his eyes, sort of puts his face into your face and shouts, he is also trying to spit while doing it. He is constantly patting me and DH on the head, bang his head on my shoulder, etc. He often hits his parents and gets time out, but it never really helps. At my son?s birthday party he annoyed his classmates so much, one kid was actually crying because nephew was biting him and spitting into his face. He is attending a very good private school, and according to SIL doing brilliantly, with a reading and spelling age of a 9 year old. Honestly, very hard to believe, as I never manage to have a proper conversation with him, he talks like a 3 year old, but I don?t think SIL would lie to me. Can it be some autistic disorder? Or just a spoilt 6 year old?

Could be either, but if your SIL or school are not worried about his behaviour, I would stay well clear of mentioning such. I'm sure his school would be addressing any concerns they may have, but it may take another class teacher to see it. On the other hand, he may just be a poorly behaved, spoilt child who has not been 'trained' in the art of socialising which doesn't come naturally to all children .... is he an only child ?

Yes, he is the only one. DH thinks he is autistic, but I amnot sure, think school would pick up on it by now?

Some times it's hard to tell at 6 without a formal assessment by a group of professionals i.e.: pediatrician, educational physiologist, speech and language therapist to name a few. My son has recently received a diagnosis of ADHD and it has taken all of the above to give a formal diagnosis and it took 18 months. It's often a teacher who picks up on 'things' (as in my case) unless it's affected their development earlier. Did he settle into nursery ? The autistic spectrum is huge and I believe we are ALL on it somewhere. However, for some, it's more tricky to socialise appropriately and look at the world as a majority do. ADHD is also thought to be a 'spectrum' disorder, and I do think my son has unusual personality traits, albeit mild. In my experience, the loger anything like this is left, the harder it is to implement strategies to help the child. Private schools are full of 'quirky' children (I also know this from experience) because sadly, many parents with diagnosed or undiagnosed SN children, do not feel their needs are being met in state education. It's such a mine field and emotive subject .....

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Thanx for your answers! The thing is, SIL is very strict with him, he is spanked on a regular basis (for example for calling her a fat cow, throwing food on the walls, etc). He is at private school because his dad used to attend it when he was a child. My nephew also has temper tantrums like falling on the floor in the shopping centre, he is also having at least one meltdown every hour, he reminds me of a toddler. But SIL also treats him like a toddler, he still eats with a plastic spoon and a fork (maybe for safety reasons?), drinks from beakers, plays with a fire engine and Teletubbies. Maybe because my son is quite mature for his age, I find this behaviour very strange. I thought maybe him being autistic explains why he is doing well at school subjects, but not behaving appropriately for his age? Or maybe it?s a normal behaviour for a 6 year old and all children are different?

"On the other hand, he may just be a poorly behaved, spoilt child who has not been 'trained' in the art of socialising which doesn't come naturally to all children .... is he an only child ?"

why do people think that they can continually get away with this kind of stereotyping? He is a badly behaved child, period. If he hasn't been properly socialised then it's his parents' fault, but there is no cause and effect relationship between being an only child and this kind of behaviour. Most only children are (ime) better socialised than children with siblings because they have to be. Please stop this offensive scapegoating - it's completely unfair and unjustified. It sounds like to me like he has been badly parented and spoiled, but this has nothing to do with being an only child.

I have to say he sounds spoilt/ simply badly behaved to me too.

Thanks drivingmisscrazy! Just what I wanted to say but not as well as you put it!
The nephew does sound quite badly behaved IMO

oh and hitting a child is not 'strict' it's cruel and (clearly) ineffective. They need to set clear boundaries for him, ones that are age appropriate -

Coco I agree, a majority of poorly behaved children are not on the autistic spectrum. I didn't want to jump on the autism bandwagon or say he was a badly behaved child either .... as I don't know him.
driving ... I wasn't stereotyping and certainly not trying to get away with anything ... simply giving my opinion which is what I thought these forums were about ?? I was giving another view as I didn't know the child personally or his home circumstances. Hourly melt downs are not 'normal' for 6 year olds unless they have emotional difficulties, whether they be environmental or a mental health issue. Young children are not bad by nature, so her nephew's behaviour is related to something or someone. Oh, and some children do need to be taught to socialise, just like some mum's need to be shown how to be mums - it's not always a natural instinct to do either well.
Whatsgoingon You may want to post this on the Special Needs Children board, many there have first hand experience with ASD's and could help shed a bit more light on your nephew's behaviour, hopefully putting your mind at rest and reassuring you it is part of his own development.

Madame I don't disagree with anything you've said about him/need to socialise him etc etc, but I don't know why you have to connect these behaviours to the fact that he is an only child as if there were a cause and effect relationship between these things. It just irritates me that people do this - it's so sloppy and thoughtless - just as most badly behaved children are not ASD, so most only children are adequately socialised - a process that needs to be undertaken by adults not by other children, siblings or not

driving Apologies, as I feel you've misunderstood my post. The question about being an only child was purely curiosity and I was trying to gather more info about her nephew, I didn't mean to conclude that it was the answer to his behaviour issues. My ds1 was an only child for 8 years and he never displayed any difficult behaviors. I hope my thoughts haven't appeared 'sloppy' or 'thoughtless' as that wasn't my intention. Having a son with special needs myself, I'm not is a position to pre-judge anyone else's child although it's been done to me plenty of times. I was wondering whether the fact he was an only child had led him to be somewhat overindulged by his parents which in turn can make for a poorly behaved spoilt child (in very general terms) I felt this had been confirmed by Whats previous posts. I'll crawl back under my rock now - don't want to hijack Whatsgoingon's post anymore.

Madame accepted - I think you probably put it badly and I take your point absolutely about SN as well. It just sounds like this child isn't very well behaved and at 6, that's most likely to be down to his parenting. Oddly, we have kicked off in this direction, rather than addressing the fact that he is smacked and that this was recommended as a course of action.