Oh help... OT is referring dd1 to an Educational Psychologist. I have no idea what to think or expect

[Aranea]

dd1 is 5 and has been being assessed by an OT because she has poor gross motor skills and co-ordination. He tells me that she has some sensory issues - auditory and vestibular I think.

In the course of this he told me that although she was bright, she was not interacting socially as he would expect - not making eye contact as she should, and not initiating social contact as she should. He wants to refer her to an educational psychologist to find out why. He also seemed a bit unsettled by how verbally advanced she is, I'm not sure why.

I couldn't get him to tell me what he wanted the ed psych to look for. I did ask whether he was thinking of autism, and he said he wasn't.

I presume there will be a long waiting list before anyone sees dd1, in which time I will be tying myself in knots wondering what the problem can be.

Is anyone an ed psych here? Or has experience of similar?

He might not be thinking Autism, but it sounds like he might be thinking either Autistic Spectrum or Dyspraxia. Try not to worry too much, and you may not have too long to wait, we only had to wait 2 weeks for DS (who has Asperger Syndrome).

Try not to worry too much, if there is any probs then its great that they are getting early involvement with appropriate person & if they find no probs then that can rest mind. In my experience, have a few friends who's DC's have 'additional needs' of some kind & any extra help has been very useful, and can only help them educationally

Thank you. Is Autistic Spectrum different from Autism then?

Autistic spectrum is a much wider range, generally autism involves the individual being vey separate from others, involved in their own little 'world', what most people think of as 'autistic'. Autistic spectrum involves, among others, Aspergers syndrome where often people can function really well & can appear as 'just' aloof or not very understanding of others, but it can vary hugely too. In the past, there would have been plenty people who would now be on 'autistic spectrum' but were never diagnosed, if everyone read the symptoms loads of people might say 'wow, my dad was like that!', usually got on fine with life but maybe a bit hard to get along with at times. Please note i'm pretty sure i'm probably making sweeping generalisations but just trying to explain a bit, sorry if went on a bit (hope don't do so much in RL, but thinking about it prob do)

Out of interest, who referred your dc to the OT .. was it a GP or school?

if you're autistic, you're on the spectrum somewhere

It isn't the process of being evaluated by the EP that worries me, I expect dd will quite enjoy whatever it is. It's the idea that someone may give her a label and tell me something is wrong with her. I would rather just think she is herself and not destined to be 'hard to get along with'.

MadameSin, she was referred to the OT by the GP. It was before she started school, as the nursery raised concerns.

I was diagnosed myself with Asperger Syndrome just over a year ago. I find in 95% helpful to have a label, and 5% unhelpful. My son has the same label, but because of that label he has had more support in school, and has now pretty much caught up in areas he found difficult (such as literacy, he has always excelled at Maths). Its a double edged sword, but can really help knowing. It certainly doesn't change how you feel about your child - she will still be herself

Aranea I understand where you are coming from as I too thought long and hard about getting my ds2 an official diagnosis of ADHD. But, on reflection, I had to understand that he wasn't going to be 5 forever and I was well informed that his problems will be with him for many years, through adolescence and probably into adult life. So, we felt he needed this diagnosis to allow others to recognise the areas that he finds tricky, and it was crucial to have the diagnosis for his education years. Right now our little boy has a family that can protect him, but we felt we needed to think of his future and any support he may need at that time. It's such a difficult decision and only one you can make .. I was always conscious I was making this choice on behalf on someone else ... made it even harder to be honest. xx

MaryBS, I'm glad to hear you don't think a label restricts your sense of the possibilities for yourself or your son. Thank you for talking about it.

MadameSin, I think that's what I'm finding difficult, the idea that she may have problems for many years to come. I've been sort of figuring that maybe she was just a bit immature socially, and a little bit eccentric and a little bit shy. Still, I suppose that's what the EP should clarify. It's just I am terrified of what they will say.

An EP cannot diagnose your child. They can report on how your daughter is coping at school and areas that she is struggling in. They will also give the teacher strategies to help her cope in an educational environment. He may suggest or mention certain disorders that replicate your daughter's traits - but he is not qualified to give you a formal diagnosis. My son had an assessment from a developmental pediatrician, OT, speech & language therapist as well as an EP. It was a collective diagnosis after a long period of assessments. I and the school had to complete a lengthy questionnaire relating to his behaviour. In my experience a 'label' is received differently by all those that come in to contact with my son. In school, he has an amazing teacher who is accepting and brilliant with him. I know that his progression and happiness will depend on the adults around him and it's because of this that I want him armed with as much support as I can get him. We all want our children to be happy and reach their potential - I think that if I had not got my son this diagnosis, he may not succeed at school and in turn his self esteem and confidence would be 'battered'. I am his advocate until he is old enough to speak for himself, but until then, I will ensure he is given the same opportunity as others and treated fairly with respect.

Oh, I didn't know that about the EP. I feel very clueless about this whole process, and I must say I don't think any of the professionals have communicated very well about it. Thank god for MN.

Your post is inspiring, thank you.

I hope it will feel better once we've actually met the EP. Part of my current tension is wondering how long we will have to wait.

I'm bracing myself to try to get the school to follow the OT's recommendations at the moment.... I think they are hoping to do a bit less than he is recommending, and I don't know how this will turn out but we have a meeting scheduled. Fingers crossed.

My DS is also 5 and in reception and his teacher wanted him to see an EP for pretty much the same reasons. He is also quite bright but his social skills are not consistent with his academic ability (her words-not mine!)...she said he talks like an 8 year old but acts like a 3 year old!

All this was back in October and while initially I felt very much like you I decided to see what the EP actually had to say but nothing happened. Went and spoke to his teacher again before christmas and she said she is very unsure but to let him have an IEP which in his school they have to have before an EP will see them but once again nothing happened.

Fast forward 4 months and still nothing has happened...teacher is off long term sick and supply teacher cannot understand what they were worrying about. She said he is different to many of the other children but nothing severe and to talk to his proper teacher after easter which is what Im planning on doing.

So after all that rambling what Im trying to say is I totally understand how you feel and tbh I would let the EP see her and see what happens. Im actually going to press for DS to be seen now rather than later cause I figured if a teacher of many years experience thinks there may be issues there may possibly be some and tbh I need all the help I can at the moment to back me up with my ongoing battle with the school over other stuff (to cut a long story short he is more than capable of doing harder work and read harder books but the school don't want to do anymore so he's losing all his enthusiasm for everything to do with school at the moment). At least then if there is an "issue" it can be realised now rather than get into Y1 and have to go through it all again.

Sorry for all that waffling-let me know how you get on cause would be very interested to see what they say.

Aranea, your DD may be ".... just a bit immature socially, and a little bit eccentric and a little bit shy", or she may be "a bit immature socially, and a little bit eccentric and a little bit shy" as a result of having an ASD (autistic spectrum disorder). The only difference is that if she has difficulties because of a particular diagnosable condition, it will be recognised, and strategies will be put in to place to help her

I am so glad that DD1 was 'flagged' by preschool - it turns out that she has significant special needs. I dread to think how much trouble she would be in every day if people didn't realise she had SNs and make allowances and adjustments.

DD1 was 2.9 when she was identified as having SNs (almost as soon as she started at preschool), which I think is probably an indication that something was significantly amiss. If your DD has got to 5 before people have had concerns, whatever her 'differences', I would imagine them to be of the milder variety, especially as you are not convinced yourself.

Please don't worry, the EP is there to help

Your preschool sounds very alert, lou. What a good thing for your dd. I kept raising concerns about dd1's gross motor skills from when she was about 2.9 onwards, but kept being told not to worry. And she did spend the whole first year at nursery playing by herself. The second year (preschool year) she played alone or with a child who is almost 2 years younger (and who she still adores). Finally when dd was 4.4 the nursery said they had concerns about her physical development so I at last had something to back me up with the GP.

ihearttc - hello, and how interesting about your ds. Aside from the physical stuff, he sounds rather like my dd. At the first parents' evening the teacher commented that she used language like an 8 year old. But her social skills are definitely not up to scratch.

I will certainly be pressing for the referral to go ahead, not least because now I've got all kinds of worries in my head and I don't think I can live with not knowing more. Otherwise I will be constantly judging and worrying over every little thing poor dd1 does.

DS saw an EP earlier this year, on a recommendation from his school. The EP ran a series of tests on how DS looked at things, how he coped physically with things and how he listened to things. He was quite subtle about it, and only the listening tests were really obviously tests, if you see what I mean.

We got a full written report on the results, highlighting areas of strength, and weakness. No diagnoses or labels (private EP) but good practical advice on how to help him with areas he finds difficult - writing, spelling and general physical clumsiness. The school have been absolutely fantastic following the advice, and my son has gone in a term from getting roughly 50% in spelling tests to getting 100% every week AND being much more confident that he can and will do so.

I bitterly regret not pushing DS previous school harder to get this sort of help for him earlier. It has done wonders for his confidence as well as his actual levels of achievement.

DS is 10.5 by the way. Previous school flagged up difficulties when he was about 5, but gave us bugger all help in how to deal with them - just complained about his behaviour in class. It still makes me fume to think about it and I bitterly regret not pushing harder then for more expert help.

Aranea, I think the fact that she would never sit still, found 'no' hillarious & fell over lots helped

Thank you so much everybody, this is all so so helpful. Every piece of information and bits of your experiences are helping me so much. I am very grateful.

neversaydie, that sounds fantastic. You have made me feel so much more positive about it.