Extreme toddler behaviour - please please please tell me how to handle

[lipglossandcigarettes]

DD is currently having several tantrums a day, at least 10 often much more, usually when she doesn't get what she wants.

She's also argumentative, whiny, demanding, bossy etc.

I know toddlers have tantrums, it is normal etc, but none of the other children I know seem as bad as mine. She is so persistant. I'm beginning to dread leaving the house with her because I'm embarrassed by her behaviour

I'm also starting to dread my days off with her which I never have before

Her nursery have also commented on it, they say she cries when she doesn't get what she wants, and often refuses to do as she's told like help tidy up.

I know a lot of it is her personality. She has always been strong willed, has strong ideas about what she wants / likes and is very independent, almost scarily so.

I just need some ideas on how to deal with this. Ignoring her tantrums doesn't work she just carries on regardless. Star charts have limited success, but she becomes fixated on the 'reward' and pesters me constantly about it.

I have been sending her to her bedroom to calm down and I tell her to come out when she is calm. She can sit up there for 15 / 30 mins screaming DH thinks this is too harsh but can't think of any better ways of dealing with her apart from giving her exactly what she wants.

She is 2 but will be 3 in May.

bump

Have you tried reading that book 'Toddler taming', have heard some good reports.

This is going sound harsh, but since you asked here is what I do:

1. Never ever give her what she wants if she has a tantrum. Tell her so, if is something you would usually give to her. "If you scream, you won't get X". "Only if you ask nicely" (ie in a normal voice, please and thank you can be bonuses, but don't expect miracle.)

1. If she is still screaming/or if the screaming has an unknown cause I often just walk away from her (ie go into the kitchen and start washing up/making in a cuppa) I do not go and find DS, I let him come and find me. If he is still screaming,,I say to him that I will not play with screaming boys and walk away again. Usually then he will stop and come and find me in a calm manner. I then play with him as if nothing has happenned.

1. If she starts screaming in the midst of an activity at home, warn her that if she carries on you will take the toy away, or stop the activity. One warning only then do it. Tell her why you are taking the toy away "because you didn't stop screaming". Proceed to step 2.

1. The same applies to being out and about. A tantrum = 1 warning that if this doesn't stop ou'll go home straightway. Then go home straightaaway if she doesn't take any notice. Tell her why you are going home. Use distratction techniques on the way home (look a big bus! look a man on a bike!) and don't bring up the subject again, unless she asks then explain again that you came home because she had a tantrum.

At first it is hard work and annoying (especially if you can't get the weekly shop done). But in the long run it has worked for me and DS (2 and a bit). He still gets angry about things not going his way, or frustrated or tired, but he realises it doesn't get him what he wants and as a result he doesn't scream for long.

all of the previous answer is exactly what i would say... but keep mumbling the
mantra "ITS ONLY A PHASE" as long as you are consistant it will be ok

Very good advice from catataina. I am deploying exactly these techniques with dd 18m as her tantrums are so extreme does lotsa screaming to get her own way and it was working so well that ds 3.5 was crying and screaming to get his own way too!

She screams up plleeeaaasssee uppppp pleease over and over again!!

You are by no means alone take lotsa deep breaths too.

Good luck we will conquer the tantrums!!!

Hello my dd threw massive tantrums and I had similiar stresses as you, have you had her hearing checked because it turned out that my dd had glue ear and had pretty rubbish hearing which increased her frustration, made it difficult to communicate with her and also made her very tired! def dont give into tantrums, just ignore or seperate yourself ie go into another room. The only thing that seems to of had a lasting impact is conviscating favourite toys and also talking post tantrum along the lines of what to do when we feel really cross.