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My 18mo is very clingy/whingy and not great in social situations...how can I help him (I'm part of the problem I think)

2 replies

bootus · 28/03/2010 10:52

Firstly, I know its common for an 18 mo to be all of the above but I'd like to encourage his social skills and his constant neediness for me. Ds has always been cautious in character, he wont do something until he is 100% sure he can (walk, climb the stairs etc) but his speech is very good. Unfortunately the nature of my job means I'm around all the time for a month and then I go away for a few days, I suspect this does have a negative effect on my DS although he is absolutely fine when I'm away (no whinging/asking for me). But when I'm around he is constantly complaining and moaning. My bigger concern is how anxious he is in social situations and the behaviours seem to breed each other if that makes sense. He will play happily on his own and is not worried about other children he knows well (especially older kids as he has lots of cousins) but if he is approached by another lo at toddler group or at soft play he immediately starts crying and asking for me and woe betide anyone who might bump into him, he gets SO upset. I always just say 'you're fine' or 'nothing to worry about'. If i'm out of sight he freaks out. I just want him to start enjoying these outings and while I'm not expecting him to dive in with big groups of kids and hold court I want him to be comfortable and not 'the whingy one'which tbh he is at the moment. I dont think i encourage his wimpy behaviour(that sounds so mean but it kinda is) but I'm starting to wonder if i'm doing something wrong!!! TIA.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Kathyjelly · 28/03/2010 14:47

He's only 18 months old and seems completely normal. I have one a month older and he's exactly the same. With family members he's fine but at playgroup he "parallel plays" quite happily. He doesn't want to join in play with others.

When I go away to work, he's fine but after I get back, he acts up for a little while, and needs to keep me in sight.

I'm sure his confidence will grow as he gets older.

CharlieBoo · 28/03/2010 15:17

You explain my ds to a tee at that age! He was all for me and not a big fan of soft play, noisy mums groups, other kids and strangers. He is 5 now and the complete opposite, he is so social and very popular at school. At the time I was quite stressed and it got on top of me as I was a stay at home mum. In the end I stopped going to these things for a while as they just weren't fun, ds would cry, I would be totally stressed so I re-introduced it when he was bigger and more ready. Try not to worry, it doesn't last, like I said my ds loves new things now and is very social.

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