113mo has 'stranger danger' but only for men...

[MrsGeek]

My 13mo DD has recently developed 'stranger danger' and becomes very upset and clingy when new people come into the house but only really when it is a man.

She has now had hysterics when my DH brought home a work colleague (she has met him before but not seen him in a while) and now even had a breakdown when her uncle came over. Its getting a bit embarrassing really.

Is this normal? She is fine with my DH, whom she adores, and isn't too bad if we go to someones house and there is an unknown man but if a man comes into her house she goes into meltdown mode. Any ideas or suggestions?

So sorry for mistake in title, she is 13 months old not 113 months, which would make her about 9 years old I think!

Stranger anxiety is a normal developmental stage - usually starts between about 9-12 months. Just reassure her as much as you can, it'll get better as she gets older.

I don't think this is too unusual. My Ds got very nervous around strangers at the one year mark, and that took a while to wear off. He was fine with people before, and he's fine with them now, but for a while he got very clingy and nervous. I think it could be because she's beginning to be more aware of different people, and separating them from the people she knows.

My Dad used to only see us infrequently as he worked aborad a lot, and DS refused to go anywhere near him. I felt quite sad, but he's grown out of that phase now, and is happy to sit on someone's lap even having not seen them for months.

yy normal

stranger danger reaches its' peak at about 18 months then gradually fades

Lots of little children seem to dislike beards as well for some reason - and men are generally bigger and louder so understandably more intimidating for a small person.

mine was blokeophobic at that age too

at 3 she has totally grown out of it. she still has the odd person that she's a bit wary of, but that's now the the exception, and no longer divides along gender lines.

'Blokeophobic' - I'm going to use that!

Also, I thought it could be beard related but my DH has a beard so she should be used to it you'd think.

Its driving me mad, she has turned from totally laid back and playful to screaming if I put her down or move away from her at all. Baby#2 is due in June so could really do with her getting over this quickly or the stream of visitors that will arrive to see new baby won't be fun!

I think you mean fear of strangers, not stranger danger.

I think "stranger danger" is used to describe the risk that an older child will be tempted into someone's car in return for an offer of sweets, etc.

lingle - I'm sure it means that too but in my circle of other mums it is the same as stranger anxiety but a little more catchy!

Mrs Geek - I had this as a toddler, my parents are always going on about it! Think I was a bit older than your daughter, but I was scared of pretty much all men, especially those with beards (and this being the seventies, presumably there were quite a lot of them.)
I am normal-ish now, and like men - well, the nice ones!

my dd is the same she is about 20 months and is scared of men and says man, points at them in shops and says man but likes her Dad and grandadsa and uncles, think before she could talk was the same as she woudl suddenly burst into tears on meeting new people

My DS(15mths) has this and I put it down to the fact that he meets loads of 'strange' females in the week at toddlers, swimming etc but rarely meets new men. All the women at these groups will smile at him if he waves a toy in their face so he has become used to the idea that new women are friendly but he doesn't have any interection with men he doesn't know so has developed a kind of caution.

Exploding - Yes, thats just the same as us, she is used to meeting lots of other mums at swimming, toddler group etc but rarely any men. Hope it doesn't last long!

My dd was exactly the same - it started at about 11 months. She's now 5yrs old and to be honest, it's not much better, only she has learned to control her reactions a bit more. For example, she will not get in the swimming pool if a male teacher replaces her normal female one. She burst into tears at school when a visiting male music teacher came into her class. She refuses point blank to see a male doctor. We have recently had a new bathroom fitted and she hides under the table from the builders....

I tend to ignore it and hope that she'll naturally grow out of it, but I'd be interested if anyone has any tips!

Sorry - just realised that wasn't very reassuring! I'm sure my dd is the unusual one and that yours will outgrow it as quickly as it arrived!

Runoutofideas - I had no idea it could last that long, gulp!

Sorry! Didn't mean to worry you! My dd seems to be a very sensitive child, and it's probably down to something I'm doing wrong which no doubt you won't do!

dd2 burst into tears any time an unknown man got too close to her: a photographer at toddler group, a man walking near us in teh supermarket.

It didn't last long so I wouldn't worry.