Please help me reassure DH re toddler behaviour

[Jacksmama]

Our DS, 2.1, has DH a bit worried when he gets angry or frustrated because he sometimes smacks himself in the head (with hands or toys), or head-butts the wall, or head-butts DH.

From everything I've read, this is normal toddler behaviour when they're angry or frustrated. DS doesn't do this with me so much, but then, I have the magic bullet to soothe him (boobies!!).

DS is usually a very sweet, sunny-tempered boy - he has the occasional tantrum, but even those aren't particularly note-worthy, I think - no throwing self down on the floor screaming for minutes on end, or the like. I think I'm just seeing normal frustration where what he wants to do or say is more than he can do or say, or if he's tired or overstimulated.

But he's our first and really, neither one of us knows what's "normal" or not. DH is worried that he's doing something wrong with DS (I know he's not, he's a wonderful dad)... could anyone help me reassure him that this is all normal for a toddler?

Hi, JM.

Having googled done some intensive research, I have found this old MN thread and an online article. The article suggests that the headbanging meets some need of the toddler's. There's nothing to suggest that it's something your dh is creating or provoking. There are lots more online articles.

If dh is fretting about this, could you teach Jack to do something else to vent his frustration - jump on a cushion, say?

Thanks T&E!!

Hiya JM:
My DS (2.3 yo) went through a similar phase about 6 months back. I think I read the thread TandE has put in for you at the time, or one similar to it.
We tried telling him not to do it; but since he found this got him attention, itt became an attention seeking device. We then ignored him; he stopped in a couple of weeks. He still hits when frustrated, me, DH, DD etc etc; but we are quiie firm and he is put in his cot for 2 minutes and then says sorry and kisses the victim better. It works, more or less.

All in all, Mr. JM, don't stress. Toddlers can be weird in so many ways. But I'm retty sure they are easy to handle compared to a stroppy teenager.

Ds used ot do this from about 16m to 2.5 - the ONLY thing that stopped him was totally ignoring it. He was only hurting himself (and actually not really doing that, he was quite clever at how eh headbutted and where!)

Apparently I used to do the whole 'round and round on the floor headbanging thing' and I'm none the worse for it . Used to cause bemusement and laughter for my parents, I think. If it helps, I then grew into a pretty non-rebellious teen, my sister having covered the whole rebellion thing pretty well herself...

Apparently, when I was capable of walking but not really expressing myself properly, I once refused to walk, refused to sit in the pram, sat down on the pavement and hit my head on the pavement... That hurt, made me cry, so mum comforted me, and that made things OK again!!!

I think I'm reasonably normal - but perhaps not, you tell me !

Thank you all!