agressive 4 year old

[mummypud]

I am sure there are some of you who have had the same situation but i am increasingly worried so thought i would ask your advice.
my 4 year old daughter is becoming increasingly aggressive, at first mainly towrads her younger sister but now twice i have had to talk to her nursery as she has pincjhed and slapped anouther child,
now i know she is aware what she is doing is wrong, and she seems sorry for her actions but i am feeling very inadeqaiet that i cnat stop her doing it, like its spiraling out of control and i hate to say it but i am almost ashamed of her.
At home she is disiplined by time outs and responds well to these, she is not in an agressive invironment and is shown a lot of love,
i have even thought of having her tested for adhd. am i being silly? i am so upset with it all i just feel so low.

Gosh you sound down .
DS2 can be aggressive -- I have 3 other children who are not like that, which helps me know it's nothing I programmed into him.

With DS it's all about impulse and self-control. I really don't know how to help them master that. Perhaps someone else will come along with an idea!?

My son is very similar and I hate the preschool / nursery pick up as I hate being told ds bite / hit another child.

Because of other problems my son is under the care of a development paed and still see's the hv reguarly. I asked both about this and was reassured by both that this is a normal behaviour for 4 yo's. They find it hard to self-control and self-regulate their emotions and also when stressed / upset find it hard to find their voice to vocalise the problem. The easiest thing is to lash out. The advice I've been given is to discipline when this behaviour is being displayed but to ignore the behaviour. We have also been advised to try and get in there before ds is at hitting / biting stage and help him calm down and distract. We are finding this to be very effective and over the last month have noticed him try and calm himself down by himself and walk away from the situation and distract himself.

She sounds normal to me, my ds1 is 4 and can be aggressive too. A lot of people find 4 harder than 2. Don't fall into the trap of thinking everyone else is better behaved, it's just that you are super alert to her behaviour. If you think you would benefit from a bit of support do you have a helpful health visitor you could speak to? They might be able to call out to you and then reassure you?