REception aged boy acting up

[bronze]

After ds2 (5) pooed himself for the third time in a fortnight at school I got a letter home yesterday saying " We are afraid ds2 has had another accident today. We have decided that because of the frequency of these accidents we are going to implement an intimate care policy. We will talk to you after we have done this"

I'm not sure what to do. He did poo himself a few times when hje first started school so I think it's his sign that things aren't right.

At home we had the house on the market, ds1 has been being assessed for aspergers and then dh has just been made redundant. Though we are worried we are relatively chilled about it but I'm guessing hes sensed something.

I have two questions. What is an intimate care policy? (and shouldnt they tell me before they do it?) and also any ideas what I can do to help him?

Yesterday I started a reward system where every day he comes home without having had an accident he get a reward. Problem is my children don't look ahead very much so I'm not sure he'll remember at the time at school and whether it will just cause more upset when he gets home and realises he didn't get a reward.
Dd had two thinking moments at playgroup yesterday for being verbally aggressive so its obviously more obvious to them than we had realised
I can't really change the other things that have been going on.

Please anyone? I'm kind of at my wits end

An intiate care policy is just the guidelines they will put in place if he poos himself again..there are prob rules regarding what school staff can and can't clear up -there are also child potection issues, protecting both your child and the staff.

He's currently refusing to get dressed saying he doesnt like school. there arent any problems at school as far as I'm aware

its hardly unusual for a child to do this at that age and to be hones they should have an intimate care policy anyway!

There is a little boy in my ds' class who does it and now he has spare pants and trousers left at school. If its V messy, they call his mum. Try not to fret its not that uncommon (says me who frets about everything!) Have a word with his teacher and see what she says.

Bronze - we were having significant behaviour issues with ds in reception - not the same, but quite disruptive. He has his own chart where he has 3 opportunities for a 'stamp'. So, if he's 'good' to the end of morning break, he gets a stamp. If he's good to the end of lunch he gets a stamp, and the last one takes him to the end of school. This splits the day up into more manageable chunks for a child of this age to cope with. You could suggest to school that they have a similar sitution - but I would also be asking them to find out how often they are prompting him to go to the toilet etc. (BTW, we've had similar upheaval with dh being unemployed and me having to increase from 4 days to fulltime as a result)

Thank you for replying. Sorry I had to go out. He went to school fine in the end, just a little late though I sent on my other two earlier.

I saw the ta just now and hes been fine so far today

I'm not sure what to make of it

I think l I feel a little crushed. DS1 was always different and difficult and has problems at school hence being assessed (long ol process)I used to think it was cos I was a crap mum then I managed to realise it wasnt that as my others were ok and that it was ds1. Now my others are playing up of course I'm doing the is it me thing again on top of all the other worries.
The fact that I don't know what to do to help him is a worry too

And the dogs just pissed in the kitchen...
life is interesting at least

And though they pretend not to school have managed to make me feel incredibly crap

It is really hard when subsequent children don't behave in the same way as the others. My older two are challenging at home but great at school, my reception boy has been in trouble at school.

I agree they should be telling you what the policy id before implimenting it. What if you are not happy with it? I would be seeing the teacher after school to discuss it.

Toilet accidents are not out of the ordinary at this age. Their is a child in my son's class who has clean underwear in their drawer for after accidents.

Bronze - I was a sobbing mess in front of ds's reception teacher about 6wks ago. Luckily ds has pulled his socks up and he's now reasonably cooperative during the day (and also at home which is fantastic) - sometimes I don't think they realise how your childs behaviour at school and their attitude to it can have such a big impact on how you're feeling generally. Particularly if there is a lot of other stuff going on as well.

oh and ta said teacher wanted to talk to me other school

that feeling of dread again

Was your DS assessed as Aspergers or on the ASD spectrum or is he dyspraxic at all? if so this can cause messaging systems to brain to go awry and these children simply dont get the messages they need to go to the toilet...we have found with my DS that rewards for success dont work terribly well as it felt like he wasnt getting a sticker for something he basically couldnt help and had a neurological base...with DS time has been a great healer as they say and he has simply become more efficient at toileting just much later than his peer group...hang on in there...it is most definately NOT because you are a crap mother although I have frequently blamed myself for all sorts of stuff...
Good Luck

So soory-just realised you said it was other DS who you had tested for aspergers-.
But still think you are better off letting this ride its course-make minimal fuss and I can promise you from very bitter experience this phase will pass...

Its ds1 who is being assessed. Suspected aspergers. Psych says definitely on the spectrum enough to push his case on further.

Is ds2 who is pooing though he didnt today and I am rewarding with chocolate as it is a language they talk

So soory-just realised you said it was other DS who you had tested for aspergers-.
But still think you are better off letting this ride its course-make minimal fuss and I can promise you from very bitter experience this phase will pass...