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Car seat tantrums

6 replies

Gaby · 10/07/2001 21:06

Can anyone offer any help with these ? My four and a half year old has frequently had tntrums over being strapped into her car seat or booster seat as it is now. Today we had an epic one, with lots of hitting, kicking, scratching etc. I tried all my usual things eg ignoring it ( hard when you are being kicked in a confined space), lowering my voice and being assertive, shouting and eventually I put on some music and waited for her to calm down which took about 40 minutes. I am exhausted now. Has anyone else experience of this and can offer any ways of dealing with it ? And do tantrums getany easier as kids grow older ?

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Sheesh · 11/07/2001 11:55

God help me then! My daughter is only 15 months & already ducks her shoulders out of the straps of her car seat at every possible opportunity!! My sister-in-law's little girl had a chat with a policeman who pulled her over cos she had undone her straps...but even that didnt work!! I bought her an extra clip from JoJoMamanBebe that goes over the top of the clip so its harder to undo & she was very grateful...so I guess it works for her.

Tigermoth · 11/07/2001 13:03

Ahh.. fellow sufferers. I posted some messages on this a while back and got lots of useful advice from mumsnet people. See 'doping your baby' and 'baby houdini' boards if you're interested.

I have a major, major, wriggling problem with my toddler. My oldest didn't exhibit this behavior early on, but he made up for it later with in-car tantrums so very similar to the ones you describe, Gaby.

It's a wonder older son and I aren't covered in battle scars. We certainly ended up having near-fisticuffs at times.

I can't offer any failsafe solution, only tons of sympathy. This sort of situation can make you into the sort of parent - and person - you don't want to be. My son, now aged 7, has grown out of it. Hardly a murmer, though I have to make a point of asking him if he has his seat belt on mid-journey. He has a worrying habit of taking it off, thinking it's 'cool' to travel unrestricted. Anyway I'm rambling...

For what it's worth, here are the things I did when he was 4 - 5 ish. None worked 100%, but they made life a little easier. You say you've tried all the usual things - same here. I tended to settle for a very matter of fact voice, firm manner and tried very hard to resist being drawn into long verbal arguments, fighting on their level. Not easy, though. Bearing that in mind here goes:

Prepare the way. Hopefully this will ease your daughter into the idea of a car journey. Say 'we're going in the car in 10 minutes, so choose a toy to take with you (or something nice to eat or drink)' Then put the chosen item into your handbag. When you get to the car tell her she can have the item only when she is strapped in nicely. Stay firm on this. This tactic works well with my son, especially with food and drink.

If she still tantrums, or you don't want to try the handbag idea, what about this? Very matter-of-factly, and without looking at her for a reaction, begin to take her out of the car. Tell her she's going back home while you go out now and say good bye to her. Ideally, for authenticity this line has to be taken when there's an adult in the house you are leaving. However in desperation I used to go into 'strange mad mum mode' and tell my son I simply had to go out now, and if he wasn't coming with me that was absolutley fine but would he mind being along for the morning? Then say an airy 'good bye'. The 'good bye' bit seemed to be the trigger for a reversal of behavour. This tactic did work very well, though what the neightbours thought I cannot imagine.

You could try sweet reason. Say that if you go right now, you will have time to go to the shops AND the playground. Any delay and you'll have to give the playground a miss. This tended to make my son even angrier, though.

Lastly, and leading on from the above, 'counting
to five' for a bit of cooperation with some bribery thrown in for good measure. As in " If we go right now, we can see a video when we go home. No sitting, no video. Now I'm going to count to 5 and I want you sitting in your seat". Strangely while reason was ignored , 'counting to five' was pretty successful.

The very best of luck.

Gaby · 11/07/2001 18:28

Thanks Tigermoth and Sheesh for your suggestions. I will try out your ideas and hope they make car journeys easier. I will also look at the previous boards. I think we are going through a difficult patch with our older daughter at the moment- we've just had another big tantrum around bed time. I think it's to do with nursery ending and school starting in September- changes always seem so hard for her to cope with, and result in big tantrums.... Hopefully it will all calm down in a couple of weeks..The joys of parenthood!

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Carolemc · 11/07/2001 22:10

Dear Gaby,

I have two older kids now (9 and 13) and both wear seatbelts without the tantrums we used to go through - my 9 year old was the worst for tantrums and could always slip out of a seatbelt.I solved it by bringing a different toy with me each time we went out (starting with a favourite and ending up with huge 5 foot polar bear or an alien) and making a big thing of putting the toy in a seatbelt in the back of the car as well... talking to the toy, saying you sit here and Joe sits here... now do your seatbelt up... I'd even take a drink for the toy in the car, exactly the same as for Joe. This worked wonders most of the time and after a few times of this, he would run to get the toy to take on the journey!

Good luck!

Hmonty · 12/07/2001 09:52

We had this problem this morning with my 21 month old and I must admit I resorted to inventing the 'car seat monster' who chases after little boys who won't get in their cars seats.... This worked well this morning (but will probably give him nightmares!). Monsters are ba standard feature in our house. We already have one living in the composter (to stop the boys tipping it up) and one that lives in a cupboard that is called upon when they won't get dried after a bath. We do have several 'nice' monsters as well who can be called upon to chase the nasty monsters away!

Gaby · 13/07/2001 20:11

Just seen Hmonty and Carolemc suggestions, glad I am not alone in having this problem. I think I will try strapping her favourite rabbit into a doll's car seat- I remember i did try this a while ago, and it did help !! Sometimes the promise of her choice of music after getting in her car seat works- I just tend to forget these ideas when we are in the throws of a major tantrum. My sister gave me one suggestion which was to act out a car seat tantrum with some soft toys so my daughter could deal with some of her feelings.... I did try this altho I think she thought what on earth is mummy doing... it made me feel better anyway.

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