3.5.yr old completely ignores her dad

[tetleytea]

Anyone had any experience of this?

My daughter has always been very mummy-oriented. But now she refues to speak to her dad in the morning. If he gets up first, she refuses to get out of bed till i get up,she says she doesn't even want to see him, she won't let him get her dressed, i have to do everything. This seems to fade by the evening and she's happy enough to see him when he gets home, and go to sleep with him at bedtime. This has been going on, off & on, for a few months.

The problem seems to be the morning. I realise it's just a phase and will probably pass, all to do with control etc., but it really upsets my DP and he's not good at dealing with it and trying to remain neutral.

This morning he flipped (I was in a hurry to get dd and me out the door to nursery/work and was getting hacked off with having to do everything ) and he yelled "go away!" at dd, who of course dissolved into tears I felt terrible for her.

Anyone got any advice? Am starting to feel like i have 2 pre-schoolers to deal with.I feel i can't really tell DP how he should be reacting....

hun i wudnt make an issue of it. she wil grow out of it as hse gets older just go about ur day as u need 2 an dnt let it worry u ther will b loadsa times wen she will only want u or only wat her dad its just kids. try not 2 let it stress u or ur hub out try an just go with the flow an tell hub 2 do the same its not personal

I think it would help if you could talk to him bout how he is recting - you say it's like hving two preschoolers, the difference is, she is one, he isn't! He needs to not take it personally, definitely, for a start. Then how to actually deal with it is up to him really - you could go for an approach like "Tough DD, Daddy is getting you dressed now" (ie present it as facts rather than options) or try to get her to do it herself, or even "Shall we get dressed for Mummy, she is busy, it would help her lots if we could get dressed really quickly" or "Daddy will get you dressed and Mummy will do your teeth" or even a star chart type thing.

Do you have a very set routine in the morning, or does it change every day? Toddlers like knowing what to expect and maybe it is worrying her if you take it in turns, it might help her to know what to expect if you try to follow the same routine with the same parent doing the same things.

bertiebotts our routine doesn't change much day to day really, only how soon we have to get out the house. We've tried doing the "tough luck, this is how we're doing it" approach but to be honest it gets really unpleasant for DP because she runs away from him, follows me around hysterically and if he tries to e.g. put her socks on, she just kicks and yells. With other "spoilt toddler" behaviour I've started saying she's acting like Troy from Grandpa in my pocket on Cbeebies and it generally does make her stop and think, but not in this case.

cookiejo i think i'm going to suggest to DP that he really does try to ignore the behavior, just say hi to her in the morning and leave her be...we'll see what happens...