Please tell me what happened to my happy, smiley, playful toddler?

[NobbyD]

My ds is 20 months and has always been a really happy, smiley and playful baby. People have commented (strangers even) on how happy and contented he is. We never had a problem taking him anywhere, especially nursery which he seemed to love.

But it seems that overnight something has happened to him. He doesn't want to do anything anymore. He used to love reading books all day but now hardley touches them. He is fixated on two DVDs that I let him watch when he was particularly miserable once(Toy Story and Jungle Book). From the moment he wakes up, to the moment he gets in from nursery he points at the TV and asks for Jungle Book or Woody and Buzz. He knows the songs off by heart and will recite many of the phrases in both. Its cute, but I want to know what happened to my bookworm? If I encourage reading books, he will just get upset and want to watch the films.

He is also very whiney. Its a battle at bath time every night to the point he will get violent and kick and punch to not be taken upstairs (he used to love bath time and would run to the stairs).

Mornings are even harder. He doesn't want to brush his teeth, wash his face, get dressed or get in the car and will cry if you mention nursery. Its taking longer and longer every day to get out of the door.

What has happened to him? I am suspecting he is teething his back molers (the kid is like textbook with his teeth) but it seems to have changed his personality or is this the start of those horrible toddler tantrums?

I am not handling it all particularly well and let him off most of the time as I assume he is in pain. But then he gets so naughty. He will kick and punch. And when in the bath he will throw the water out and drench the floor and me. I have said no firmly and cut the bath short, but nothing really works.

Are there any pearls of wisdom out there about what is going on and how to handle it better?

My toddler plays up far more if she misses naps or sleeps badly. How's his sleep?

You could try some bonjela if you think its pain?

My DD goes through phases of watching favourite tv programmes and not reading books, if I offer to read a few with her that helps. But maybe you could try adding some rules on tv time and when for routine and consistency and offer other things other times if the tv is taking over? You will probably get some tantrums but stand your ground and be consistent and he'll get used to it.

I leave mine to calm down if really getting out of hand and they come and find me once calmer often. I say something like "you come and find me when you've calmed down" and then when they have, I resolve it afterwards.

If the boundaries are always the same and you are consistent they will settle down. Just pick your battles on what's important to you or not.

Praise as well is very important, not to forget that, as sometimes children play up more if we do not give them lots of praise and love.

Would going to the park to burn off some steam after nursery help before returning home?

Sorry its all a bit disjointed but those are some of my initial thoughts x

Thanks so much for a quick response teaandcake.

To answer some of your q's:
His sleeping isn't great (it never has been really) but is always worse when teething. He wakes once or twice a night and is waking much earlier than usual too. So that has got a little to do with it, but he's had less and been happier! He naps for about an hour after lunch and thats been consistant.

I think the rules on TV time is good. I think I might introduce family movie time once a week only and he gets to choose the film (it will be jungle book every time!!!). The rest of the time is play and reading time.

It probably also doesn't help things that we put all his toys in our conservatory but early morning and night time its cold in there so we shut the door (we let him get what he wants out of there but maybe he feels he can't roam freely where his toys are and play so he'll watch the tv snuggled with us in the warm!!) I think bringing some stuff in the living room could encourage more play less gogglebox.

But it is more the crying and tantrums I'm concerned with - especially in the morning and when trying to get him to bath. Its just such a change from how he was before. He loved going to nursery and loved having a bath. Now he hates both! How can I make it fun again?

He does get lots of praise. He is a very clever little boy and gets told it a lot. His talking is amazing so we are always encouraging and praising for new phrases or songs learnt and numbers counted. I also spend a lot of time hugging and kissing so attention can't be an issue unless he just like negative attention!

Going to the park is a good idea now the weather's hotting up. Am also thinking of getting him some plants for the garden that he takes care of, so when he gets in from nursery he knows he has to water them. Hopefully that will give him something else to focus on.

NobbyD, I can tell you exactly what has happened to your DS - he has been copying my 23 month old DD!!

She loves nursery when she is there, but the mornings are a PITA. I get "don't want to", "don't like it", "no mummy go away" etc. to nappy changes, getting dressed, drinking milk , putting shoes on ...

We have also had episodes where you would think I was asking her to bath in acid from the fuss she was making. However bath time is currently working really well because I had a flash of inspiration and let her put her entire tea set in the bath. She now spends all of her bath time pouring cups of 'tea'. The only problem is, she won't get out, even when the water has gone cold. Of course, after the bath, she doesn't want a nappy on, doesn't want to get dressed, doesn't want to go to bed ...

I think getting molars through is certainly not going to help. They are big teeth and any one would be grumpy if they are constantly aching. Have you tried a dose of Nurofen at bedtime?

Sorry for the long ramble. I am trying to say that your DS sounds like a normal, active toddler. He is at that stage where he is probably very frustrated that he can't control everything in his life and he can't communicate all that he wants. Lots of praise and cuddles and running around is definitely a good strategy.

Then every evening, when he has gone to sleep, pour yourself a large glass of wine and repeat "this is just a phase, it will pass".

Have you been into ELC and bought the bath crayons? I'm not sure they sell them online but you draw on the bath with them and it rubs off with water. We have spent hours drawing in the bath and it's a lot of fun. The tea set in bath is good too as other poster said.

I try distraction with getting out of bath, "lets go and have a story" etc. Usually works.

It is tricky though

23 mo DS has been exactly like this re getting dressed - all my previous tactics like distraction/ which trousers do you want to wear etc suddenly stopped working. We had lots of screaming, running away, tears and we were both exhausted by the end. I found Charlie Taylor's book Divas and Dictators really helpful (despite the humungously off putting title!). The nutshell is: pick one behaviour that you want to change, explain to DC what you want them to do eg:'DS this morning I would like you to get dressed really FAST, and not cry or run away. Let;'s see if you can do it. If you can get dressed really FAST, we will go and tell Daddy how fantastic you have been.'
Then - and this is the key bit - lots of over the top EXTRAVAGANT praise all the way through the process. Go and tell Daddy as promised, lots of praise from him. I then mention it a couple of times later in the morning too. Next morning: 'DS do you remember yesterday when you got dressed quickly and were absolutely fanatstic? Let's see if you can do it again.'

We are about ten days in ,so hope I am not speaking too soon but this has totally transformed our mornings (and nap and bedtimes re dressing).

The only other ha'porth I have is that when DS is in a tantrummy phase it usually he means he wants more independence so i try and figure out ways of giving him more choices and that usually helps to calm things down overall.

(NB it is great to praise him for all the new words and songs etc but don't forget to notice the mundane stuff too like holding you hand crossing the road, staying close to you in the supermarket etc The D&D book has some quite good stuff to say on that kind of thing too.)