Well glad we're not alone. The other funny/worrying thing about children like these is that they mirror you exactly. DS1 did a bit but not exactly whereas DS2 will literally say 'Daddy I'm going to ask you again to let me have that seat and if you don't then you won't be able to have any breakfast...I'm starting to count...1, 2....' Sometimes this breaks the tension in a confrontation because you can't help but laugh.
Yes our DS is also much better behaved at his grandparents, nursery and at his friends houses but I think that may be down to the fact that when he goes to those places he's the centre of the action. We are still worried about him starting school in September though.
Been reading the Supernanny tips online written by Victoria Samuel and it makes a lot of sense although of course a whole day of being challenged is when I get worn down....here is the theory...
Introduction
Shouting at your older child whenever she misbehaves could just make her angry and resentful. Solving the issue together teaches her key skills and keeps her on your side. By Dr Victoria Samuel
The Parent Support Service
Supernanny Expert
30/03/2009
Positive discipline takes a different tact as your children get older and more able to understand the consequences of their actions. Problem solving issues together with your child helps her learn to express herself and negotiate what she wants without sulking or shouting.
Start solving discipline problems with your child
Sit down with your child when things are calm (not in the heat of the moment) and use a five step approach:
Show concern and empathy by acknowledging your little one?s concerns using a non-accusing tone. E.g. ?Tom, I?ve noticed that there?s something about teeth brushing you find really difficult? or ?getting up for school in the morning seems a real struggle?
Define the problem: i.e. explain briefly, and without lecturing, why the behaviour needs to change: ?brushing teeth stops them rotting? ?getting up on time makes the morning calmer and gives you time to have breakfast?. Use the ?when, then? technique to teach your child the impact of their behaviour on other people. E.g. ?when you call people names, then they get sad and feel hurt? ?when you say sorry, I feel ready to have fun again?.
Ask for ideas: "let's think about what might make this easier" "what do you think would help?"
Listen to your child?s ideas, respect their feelings and praise practical solutions. Agree on a mutually acceptable, feasible solution.
E.g. ?You don?t like brushing your teeth because you find the toothpaste tastes horrible, so we agreed that I?ll buy a different make and see if that helps?. ?You don?t like me coming into your room in the morning because your tired & don?t feel like talking, so instead, you?re going to set an alarm clock and I?m going to leave you to get up without nagging you?.
Review: suggest you both sit down together after a week or so of the new routine. Wait till then to talk about it if it isn't working out. Make sure you acknowledge when she gets it right (e.g. "you let me have a whole telephone conversation without interrupting, thanks Chris that was really helpful"), and use some kind of reward chart to keep a track of her successes.
The other funny/worrying thing about children like these is that they mirror you exactly. DS1 did a bit but not exactly whereas DS2 will literally say 'Daddy I'm going to ask you again to let me have that seat and if you don't then you won't be able to have any breakfast...I'm starting to count...1, 2....' Sometimes this breaks the tension in a confrontation because you can't help but laugh.
Yes our DS is also much better behaved at his grandparents, nursery and at his friends houses but I think that may be down to the fact that when he goes to those places he's the centre of the action.