Father/Son bonding

[silenoz111]

My 5 month old son always cries when I hold him, but as soon as my partner takes him off me he stops almost instantly.

I am a very proud dad and love interacting with Alexander. My job has been quite easy going (I work for Comet) so the times Im off work Ill look after him while my partner goes to work. I have noticed that when its just him and me he is much calmer with me. He does cry as any baby would but its much less when we are on our own.

My partner and I are finding this very frustrating as she cannot leave him in the same room as me because of the crying. I try everything she does when he cries which work for her but not for me. We argue so much about this and it doesnt seem to be getting any better.

Like I said, Alexander is mostly fine with me if its just him and me, we know babies can be clingy to the mother for obvious reasons but its so heartbreaking as a dad because I feel so helpless

We have exactly the same problem, and I hate to tell you this but my daughter is almost 16 months now - the problem got worse when separation anxiety kicked in.

Her Dad spends huge amounts of time with her; we're both part time, so we both have two full days a week at home with her plus he does the daycare run. It doesn't get any better or worse after a holiday or long weekend when I'm there constantly, so I don't think it's about the working schedule, it's just her.

She's fine if I'm not there, she and her Dad adore each other, but if I am there and I want to do anything without having her in my arms, she cries. It's fruatrating for me and for her Dad.

So I don't have any advice, but you're not doing anything wrong! Some babies just have a really strong parental preference one way or the other. We used to think it was something we were doing wrong, and argue. It's been going on ages now, and the only thing that's changed is, we trust each other to be good parents, and accept that this is just the way our daughter is for now.

Hang in there, you're doing a great job.

Not only do some babies have a strong parental preference- but it often shifts as they grow. Both ours have gone through phases where only Mummy would do and phases where only Daddy would do. We've tried to ignore it. It does pass.

my son was like this for first few years but we did force him upon my partner i would go out for an hr and he would look after ds, after a while ds soon settled and enjoyed his time
as he got older he went through another phase would not go near my dp at all my dp would be in tears i had to again force my ds to be with dp after about 10 mins of me being gone my dp would set up a game and play on his own laughing ,
ds would be intrigued and see what dp was doing then he would join in and have great time we did this and built the time up bit more each time to the point i could walk out and he wouldn't notice.
if im home his a real mummy's boy although is happy to play with dp if tired or upset he'll only want me

it is not uncommon and is a phase my ds is 5 nearly and last few years we have had a few phases main thing dont be anxious or think he doesnt want to be with you when you have him babies are good at picking up anxiety just blow bubbles on his belly be silly and enjoy

if he cries ask your dp to stay in another room so you can try and deal with it as long as all is ok then again blowing bubbles on belly usually works silly songs calm funny voice

i found i would automatically take ds off dp not on purpose but maybe ds picked up on this and cried for me until i would come but felt this was not fair on dp as he needed to deal with it too and even if ds was crying he wont come to any harm and will calm down if he didnt i would get dp to pop him in his chair then i would come through so i was actually removing him form dp i was just taking over situation

feed your ds when you can and try and get as much alone time have bath with him lay blow bubbles ahve fun and dont take it personally my ds loves his daddy more than anything but will still want me over him

Thanks for the advice, we are trying some new tactics such as have him on my lap while my partner sits next to me but then once he has calmed down she will leave the room. Today I have been with him while my partner was at work, he has cried everytime I put him down and stopped when I picked him up (well, most the time).

I am doing more too like bath him every other night and put him to bed every other night too so he knows im not just there to look after him during the day. All this seems to be making him much calmer around me. I have had loads of smiles and cuddles off him today its finally working I think.

I think Ive got him tomorrow too, so more bonding time.

My partner was working long hours and then got made redundant. While my DS still stayed at nursery full time while i was working and my DP was at home, my DP started to do more and more with him: drop-off/pick-up at nursery, meal, bath, bedtime routine, going for walks etc
and since then there has been a major change my DS really enjoy being with his dad much more than when his dad was working FT.
so id say, carry on doing all you are doing. Getting more involved is very good. Do you feed him from time to time?