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Original poster

Tell me this is normal!

10 replies

ellensmelons · 21/03/2010 21:39

2 children - dd 2.5, ds 1.5

dd keeps ds at arm's length as he's like a bull at a gate - she often uses feet or hands to keep him away. He reacts by crying / screaming v loudly cos he wants to play. Then she cries. Then he goes to hit her.

Seem to be in an endless cycle of trying to teach him to be gentle and her not to push him away!!

Can see how hard it is for both of them - they're so different from each other but I can tell they both really want to play and interact.

Sigh. Anyone got any strategies??

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MavisEnderby · 21/03/2010 21:46

It will work out eventually.

Mine are 6 and 4 now and get on mainly.

the youngest has sn and their only real problems are when dd goes amnd turns off ds Wii when he is mid game...

I think making sure that the younger one give the elder their space is important.dd was by far the worse for provoking ds,even with her sn.

It will get better

Jamieandhismagictorch · 21/03/2010 21:50

Yep, sounds normal. Mine are 2.7 apart, but we had all this.

My own view is that the older one is entitled to play on her own without interference, so if you can't be there to supervise their play, I would erect some kind of barricade between the two of them - a stair gate, for instance. You can then distract the baby. I also used to use a travel cot as a makeshift playpen if I had to leave the room.

When you are not doing this, try and get them used to playing together and taking turns. I bought mine a toy which was explicitly for them to share - a wooden zigzag ramp that you put cars down. They had to take turns and wait.

Unfortunately it's just a slow process - waiting for the younger one to get less annoying, and the older one to have some self-control. Just try not to over-react or take sides. It just gets gradually better. We had extreme violence in my house and i never thought they would play together nicely. But they do

MumGoneCrazy · 21/03/2010 22:58

DD1 is 4.8 and DD2 is 3.6 and can only stand each other for 5mins before i hear

"mum tell her to stop looking at me"

"mum she's kicking me"

"mum she said i smell"

"mum she's standing in front of tv so i cant see it"

"mum she wont give me back my doll/teddy/toy"

Sorry just a few examples of what i hear every day...i close my eyes, pretend im on a private island all alone with a bottle of vodka and let them get on with it until it gets violent then i make them sit at least 5 foot apart

MumGoneCrazy · 21/03/2010 23:09

Sorry that wasn't really advice was it?

I agree with what jamie said

Original poster
ellensmelons · 22/03/2010 21:24

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I think I expect too much - when I found out i was preggers when dd was 3 months old, everyone said 'ooh, they'll be so close and get on really well'.

Not so.

Yes- I do need to give dd her own space and separate them. I do supervise their play and then I think I watch too closely!

Tch. Parenting. You feel guilty if you don't, over protective if you do.

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Original poster
ellensmelons · 22/03/2010 21:26

Love the vodka comment MGC!! Made me lol. x

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tryingtoleave · 23/03/2010 02:00

I have ds 3.7 and dd15 months and I've found that any play involving toys is disasterous, as they just fight over the same toy. Also ds will not play on his own if I'm with dd. He wants me to take her away and play with him - poor thing. Things that do work together are physical or imaginary play that don't have toys. Eg, building a cubby house under the dining room table, jumping around on beds, hide and seek. They like it if I unfold the the sofa bed and they crawl around under the mattress or I pretend it's a boat, we row for a bit, and then a storm comes and I toss them around on the mattress. Oh, and then the storm monster comes and tickles them.

I don't know if that will help you - it just seems to suit my dcs' (completely crazy) personalities.

tryingtoleave · 23/03/2010 02:01

I have ds 3.7 and dd15 months and I've found that any play involving toys is disasterous, as they just fight over the same toy. Also ds will not play on his own if I'm with dd. He wants me to take her away and play with him - poor thing. Things that do work together are physical or imaginary play that don't have toys. Eg, building a cubby house under the dining room table, jumping around on beds, hide and seek. They like it if I unfold the the sofa bed and they crawl around under the mattress or I pretend it's a boat, we row for a bit, and then a storm comes and I toss them around on the mattress. Oh, and then the storm monster comes and tickles them.

I don't know if that will help you - it just seems to suit my dcs' (completely crazy) personalities.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 23/03/2010 07:15

totally agree trying - my two liked dens and wrestling - getting all the cushions off the sofa and jumping around

Original poster
ellensmelons · 23/03/2010 20:02

Oh yes- another 'should i or shouldn't i' situation. They DO wrestle. Well, dd lies on, stands on, ds until he cries. The thing is, he laughs and laughs at first, so it's great! She thinks it's hilarious of course. I've told her that when he starts crying, she should get off. Mixed success....

But should i tell them not to 'play' like this at all?

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