Now, dd has always been less than happy about saying goodbye to visitors she has had a nice time with, and refuses to look at them, talk to them or interact in anyway once she realises they're going. We eventually got her through this by the age of about 3, with her realising that she would see them again etc.
She mostly grew out of her toddlerish tantrums etc, and from 3 onwards, has mostly been pretty well-behaved, not many tantrums, polite and generally happy.
She's now 5 (Jan), started school last August and since then has become cheekier, grumpier and occasionally a complete horror. Apparently she's fine at school, but at home we've had shouting back, growling, stamping, door slamming, throwing things etc Starting school has unfortunately coincided with my falling pg, due in 3 weeks now, so I cannot tell which thing is winding her up. When you talk about the new baby with her, she seems genuinely delighted and all set to be the world's best big sister. She's helped out getting everything ready, plays in the cot and has had her room decorated specially too. My more kind-hearted friends explain her behaviour with the new-baby anxiety card, but I just feel she is being a little monster.
The thing I really need help with is that she has got really bad about leaving places and saying goodbye again.
She seems to have reverted to 2 year old behaviour, and when it's shoes on time, runs away and hides, has to be dragged out and often her shoes forcibly put on whilst lying on the floor screaming. She kicked DH in this state a few weeks ago trying to leave his Gran's house, and has done the same at her Oma (grandma's) house, where we often visit. She never used to be cheeky to other adults, but at a (luckily good) friend's house not long ago after a lovely playtime, screamed "No!" in her face when I suggested she should say "thank you for having me" etc to my friend.
Last Friday was the worst ever, as she was invited to a new schoolfriend's house to play, and we sat her down beforehand and calmly discussed the leaving behaviour with her, and pointed out to her how upsetting it was for everyone, how to be polite and have nice manners so that you can go back and play again etc, and she promised she understood and would be good. Cue me going to pick her up and it all starting- she kept on drawing when I asked her to put her shoes on, then she threw the pens down and ran up the stairs. I caught her pinafore and asked her to come back down, and when she wouldn't was forced to (slowly and carefully) drag her down for shoes on. She put them on then lay on their hall floor crying and screaming whilst I apologised and tried to explain to the other Mum, who I have hardly met, that if she's had a good time she doesn't want to leave. Face was beet red by now Then I half carried dd out the door to the car and was too angry to speak to her. When I'd calmed down I did the "I'm very disappointed" lecture, which produced the quivery lip and tears, but so what? She doesn't seem able to behave no matter how much you've talked it through and explained it in advance.
So, what to do? No more playdates? A reward chart? Because the bad behaviour occurs after the playing, I can't take her home and deprive her of it, she's already had her fun.
My current plan is to allow for the fact that the baby may be winding her up, only take her to play with friends I know won't be upset by her abysmal attitude, at least until the baby arrives, let the dust settle and then start taking issue with the behaviour more pro-actively.
Answers on a postcard please, this has been brewing for months and is getting miserable for all of us. Thanks in advance!