struggling new mum of 8 week old baby

[clbj]

my beautiful baby (my first) conned me into thinking she was a piece of cake by being fabulously easy for the first 5 weeks. Since then, she has been very grumpy and grumbly for much of her waking time, and her sleeping pattern has gone from good and consistent (3 naps a day, waking for one feed at night) to completely random, usually waking every 40 mins to an hour through the night, and always seems to be fighting going to sleep. I am trying so hard to stay calm and consistent through this (gentle bath and bedtime rituals etc), but am feeling so tired and disheartened. I don't expect her to be sleeping through, or anything like that, but I feel that everything I am doing displeases her, and that she is going backwards just as she 'should' be settling. can anyone tell me when it will get easier?

i can't tell you when, but I can promise it WILL get easier at some point. There are loads of reasons why she may be unsettled, I'm thinking colic to start with. All babies are so so different, don't believe the hype that she should be sleeping through by now. Speak to your HV before you get too down, and trust me, you're doing great, having a baby is hard hard work.

It will get easier, bit by bit, week by week, my friends daughter did this to her, and now she is a beautiful six month old who sleeps beautifully and is a joy when awake. (even though she's been to New Zealand and back). Just repeat to yourself that this will pass and try to enjoy the bits you can. I find all of mine have had a peak of grizzles from between 6-12 weeks and then they gradually settle back down. Keep up the rituals at bedtime, lights low in the night and no overstimulation and lights on in the morning with interaction and it will all come good again soon. Awkward little creatures aren't they. (which I can say as I've come out the other side three times now and the misery and dragging tiredness are only a memory, just remember it will all change soon.)

And I second gemmummy, you're doing great, and it is the hardest job you will ever do.

It's nothing to do with the baby feeling you're displeasing her -- please don't take her changing sleep patterns and increased curiosity about the world personally . Babies' sleep patterns change, often dramatically, every few weeks, just as you're getting used to them and thinking things are going fine or horribly or somewhere in between. She's becoming more and more aware of her environment and getting curious and eager to engage with it. Your job is to do exactly what you've been doing, and hang in for as long as it takes. It's incredibly tiring, and the lack of sleep at night can really do a number on you. But don't worry that there's anything personal in it. You are your baby's superhero right now and for a long time forward.

Sometimes co-sleeping can reduce the need to wake up fully for night-time attention for the baby. It's not for everyone, but the big advantage is that you can get through the night in groggy fashion in your own bed without having to wake fully and navigate to the cot and then back again.

There's no rulebook that babies are aware of either, so she's not going backwards, just marching to her own tune. You never know when she'll find another routine and start going for longer stretches in the night.

You were a little spoiled for the first few weeks, but don't be disheartened by her changing pattern.

I think that around 8 weeks is a tough time for many parents. The novelty of having a newborn has worn off, and the sleepy phase is finished and yet they are often still not massively interactive (as they will be in by around 3 months!).

It is also possible that your DD is having a growth spurt, which will mean more waking, grumpiness and feeding. If you are feeding on demand (ff or bf), you could try allowing/expecting her to feed more. If you are being a bit more structured about the feeding, you might want to increase frequency of BF or amount of FF. I found that repeatedly feeding on one side, and only changing to the other when I couldn't squeeze a single drop out helped get through early evening 'cluster feeds' at this age.

It won't be long before your DD starts being more responsive to you - babbling and smiling a lot. So hang in there, and it will get better.

Do keep posting and let us know how you are getting on!

dd2 changed alot around 6-8 weeks too in terms of sleep, and also crying more than she had (she was also super-mellow for the first few weeks). Naps went from lovely 2 hours plus affairs to 45 minutes or so. Night-time sleep back-tracked too. I got quite stressed about it when with hindsight I should just have gone with the flow a bit more...
think it was a combination of a growth spurt and her just being a bit bigger and more aware of her surroundings-not being able to switch off and just sleep as easily as she had when she was a newborn.

Try to hang in there, I am sure you are doing all the right things, there will always be good days and bad days. Nights are tough. I started feeding lying down at this point, with no lights on-she would go back to sleep much more easily this way, which helped. Tiredness is horrible,it is very easy to let things get on top of you, just take things very easy if you can and if you can't sleep during the day then at least take time to rest when the baby is sleeping.

good luck and keep posting x

thank you for the kind messages - they have been very reassuring on what feels like a really long day.