My daughter is sad as she says she is always 'picked last' for things at school. What can I tell her to make her feel better?

[Goodtimealex]

I remember getting picked last, particularly for sports teams as I sucked at sports and was a real liability to any team. Oh it hurts though being picked last. She is pretty tough but I can see it's affecting her self esteem. Any ideas?

how old is she and who is doing the picking?

last for everything or just sports?

Her classmates are picking; sports, partners for science, groups for school trips...whatever. Says she is always picked last (I'm sure there is some degree of exaggeration but she keeps mentioning it). She is so lovely! It's heartbreaking. She does have some good friends so she is not a loner. She is 9.

speak to teacher

and remember she's not you so you might be putting own experiences on her

Why is the teacher letting them pick their groups in lessons????!

Talk to the school as the teachers shouldn't be allowing this to happen imo

I agree - allowing children to pick teams is tantamount to condoning bullying.

She will learn to be even tougher.

She will learn who her friends are/aren't and how to tell who runs with the crowd.

She will not need to run with the crowd - independence of thought is very useful

She will learn to have a good deflective sense of humour

She will work out why the 'apparent' underdogs in any situation are useful people to get to know (because she is one and knows their secret powers)

She will realise earlier than the others that it's what you do when you are too old for school that really matters.

Shall I go on?

Of course allowing children to pick teams is not bullying - what utter tosh

However allowing the same children to be the team picker every time is unfair in primary school

I think it's silly the school allows this, I am bringing it up. I was picked last and I turned quite well thank you very much, it did toughen me up! Many of the ones who were always picked first are the ones in trouble now I find! Thanks for the advice!

You need to read my post more carefully, activate, or perhaps I should be more clear. Allowing children to choose teams isn't bullying, but allowing them to choose teams is a prime opportunity for bullying to take place.

You may think it's tosh, but kids like to use their power as much as adults do, and I've seen countless incidents of kids deliberately leaving people until last to show them where they come in the pecking order. Picking teams is a popularity contest.

Allowing children to pick teams is a lazy, horrible practice that should be outlawed. It's like running a cruel social experiment for no reason except the teacher might think she has better things to do than take the trouble to do this aspect of organisation herself. It facilitates bullying and ostracisation.

This is heartbreaking and I remember feeling like that when I was a little girl.

I'm guessing it's a self esteem issue. Activites to build her self confidence and finding something she is good at - dancing, drawing, singing etc not just sports