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Has anyone got a 15 month gap or less between their children?

20 replies

Louise1970 · 20/07/2005 20:34

I am constantly at battle with people at the moment. People just do not understand that when you do not have such a big age gap between your children you are very limited in what and where you can go. I am also breast feeding.
This week my antenatel group want to meet at the park. Its quite hilly, the play ground is made of concrete and that softer play concrete. My ds1 20 monthss is still at the age that he gets too excited about things and just runs and runs falling over as he goes. Doesnt want to go on the swings, just wants to play with the swing, so that it hits him back in the face. The slide he goes up the wrong way and never makes it even half way then falls off. I need to be constantly behind him. If my dd2 5 months needs my attention i can not leave ds1 alone for a minute.
My antenatal group just says its me. Most of them have 4 years between there kids. The others have 2 1/2 years. At least there kids respond to there names when called. Mine just keeps runing off in the opposite direction. Hope that made sense. I am now going out to visit the park to see if it is suitable, as the kids are tucked in bed. Am i being too fussy. My child does fall over but i do not see the point in putting him through unecessay cuts & bruises if i could be more tentative or visit a another activity elsewhere. What did you all do.

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jenkel · 20/07/2005 20:46

I do know what you mean, I have an 18 month old age gap and had the same problem. Fortunatly the group of Mums I go out with all looked out for other children too. I have the smallest age group followed by 20 months, 2 years and bigger. We have always looked after other children, so one mum would look after the tiny babies, who dont move too much while another one is tearing all over the place looking after the older ones. I would be quite dissapointed that other mums arent prepared to help you out.

nooka · 20/07/2005 20:58

I agree with jenkel.
My postnatal group were fantastic, came and picked me up (I don't drive) and really supported me. I was the first one to have child no2 (16mth gap) and that may have made a difference (they hadn't got blase yet!) Is the group for second time mums and all have 5mths old or for older children? I wasn't sure if they weren't good at 20 month olds or at babies?

jessicaandbumpsmummy · 20/07/2005 20:59

awww man.... really didnt want to hear this!!! Jess will be 15 months when number 2 arrives in october..... im scared now!!!

maddyd · 20/07/2005 21:05

15 moths between mine. Its 9 pm and im off to bed. I need say no more. Nightmare

jamboure · 20/07/2005 21:19

I have twins at 18 months and their big brother is 24 months older

KatieinSpain · 20/07/2005 22:14

Sounds like you have a couple of options: just don't go to the park. That sounds dreadful when written down, but TBH, I have stopped going places where the combination of two small DSs (3 and 20 months now) is too much when I am on my own or can't count on support.

Sometimes, I used to use a buggy to keep DS1 safe - with distractions like nice snacks or a surprise toy - when I needed to sort DS2. I still try and time outings when DS2 is settled i.e. feed him just before going out and/or go later.

The third is to borrow a friend or relative for the excursion.

I doubt I have come up with anything new but it does get better. DS1 has hit the age of some reason. If you do go to the park, I hope you have a good time.

Louise1970 · 20/07/2005 22:26

Just got back from the park. The council have done a really good job, with re-opeing the park it looks fantastic. But is still too old for a 20 month..

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KatieinSpain · 20/07/2005 22:28

Did it go OK? Were the other Mums more helpful on the actual day?

Louise1970 · 20/07/2005 22:29

So will not be going to the park next week. Thanks all. Glad there are some people on my side.

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Louise1970 · 20/07/2005 22:30

Sorry confusion, not been to the park with the anteantal group. I just went to check it out. I think we are tying messages at the same time..

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KatieinSpain · 20/07/2005 23:02

Louise, it is such a shame you can't go. Can you plan something else for that day?

Louise1970 · 21/07/2005 07:05

Not quite sure what to do now. It's half term and everywhere will be hectic. I like going to Leo's Adventure Soft Play, but it will be packed. So not really sure. I rang one of my antenatal people last night and told here about the park and that i had been there. She appologised and said that. When she listerns to me saying how hard things can be, she goes home from our meetings and then remembers what terrible times she had. Her kids are 6 1/2 and 4 1/2. But the other members just don't get it. So i think i am off the hook. She did say something that cheered me up though. She said she didn;t want to leave me out, thats why she wanted me to come.

I hope i remember what things have been like so that i am more sympathetic to other mothers in years to come. But somehow i don't hink i could forget the screaming, head banging, tantrums, stroppyness, biting & crying.

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emkana · 21/07/2005 08:34

Louise, have you thought of buying a ring sling? That way you could carry your ds2 while at the same time making sure that ds1 is okay. At 5 months your ds2 is probably old enough to be carried on your hip with it - it's quite comfortable. Have a look at this one for example

Carla · 21/07/2005 09:14

Louise, I think you fantastic even contemplating it. Mine are 14 months apart and sometimes just getting out of the house seemed insurmountable. dd2 was born in October and I clearly remember it beginning to get dark before we left the house!

It is nice to get out and meet people, but you've an awful lot on your plate at the moment and if you're in any doubt I'd go off and do something else instead. Mine used to love nothing more than a trip on the bus to the shops (chip off the old block!) and you could maybe get yourself some earrings or whatever does it for you while you're there, just to compensate for what you feel you might have missed out on (by the sounds of it, a lot of hassle).

Arts and crafts take on a new meaning later on, too. One would be glueing the wall and while I was dealing with that the other was spooning it into her mouth!

Whatever you do, just have a great day! XX

foxinsocks · 21/07/2005 09:27

louise, mine are 14-15 months apart and I found that that age (little one around 5 months, big one around 19 months) was difficult - really until the older one could start doing things for herself (so when she was around 2 to 2 and a half).

But believe me, as they get older it gets so much easier and the best thing, is that they want to do the same sort of thing. So when you want to go to a soft play, you're not having to try and juggle the needs of a 6 yr old and a 1 yr old, you're basically looking after 2 kids who are practically the same age. Believe me, it does get better!

Louise1970 · 21/07/2005 16:23

Thanks emkana carla & foxinsocks. I have a baby bjorn papouse, but she is too heavy for my back now. I am going to stick to my guns and not go, if people do not understand what it is like then maybe they are not such friends. Just critical ones. I will carry on going out, daily as i do, but only to things that make my time easy. If i have to go alone, i will. I am not so shy these days. But it does get lonely. Cant wait til summer holidays are over, as i am limited to where i can go as you get a lot of older kids around, which knock my 20 month old, flying as they whizz past him. We are getting our garden in order now, its not very big and in this hot weather, we have no shade, so can only limit the time out there. I wish i could invite all you mumsnet people. I seem to talk to you more times these days, than anyone else. Thanks again..

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nooka · 21/07/2005 19:38

Good luck Louise! I think that you have to try and do just little things at tis age. Foxinsocks is right - it does get much better (even quite fun!) as they get older. My two are 4 and 6 now, and really do everything together. The other thing is that you do forget amazingly fast, so don't be too harsh on your group!

RnB · 21/07/2005 19:45

Message withdrawn

emkana · 21/07/2005 19:52

Yes, he will be too heavy now in a baby bjorn - but it will be totally different in a ring sling, or you could try the ergo baby carrier which is fantastic for front or back carrying - you could even carry your 20 month old in it easily! ergo baby carrier

I really think that with the right carrier your life would be a lot easier!

BabiesEverywhere · 15/01/2007 17:56

Ditto about the sling idea and ring slings are great for up and down babies.

You could also try mei tai's or wraps very comfortable with two shoulder carries, then you really can run after your older boy whilst wearing your baby.

Try www.babywearer.com forloads of advice on buying and using all different type of slings

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