Very unhappy 9yo DD, Can it really be hormonal?

[drivinmecrazy]

My DD1 is a beautiful, intelligent, gentle child who suddenly seems to be really struggling with life.
She tells me that she is useless at everything she does, if something bad happens it always happens to her. She has such a negative view of herself and sometimes just seems so unhappy.
She has plenty of friends at school and home, a loving family who care very deeply for her and seemingly everything going for her.
It is breaking my heart that life seems so bleak to her at times.
Last week she says she had to leave the classroom to go into the toilet because she just wanted to cry but couldn't explain why. She says sometimes she just feels like bursting into tears, and has twice in recent weeks left her ballet class mid lesson in tears when the teacher has made some constructive comment on her performance.
She is dancing in a class of 12-14 year olds because of her abilities but sees herself as 'rubbish'.
Her teacher says all is fine at school, and has just said 'she's hormonal'.
Is she, or is it something deeper?
I thought i knew all about parenting but it's all new territory to me. In contrast my 4yo DD seems so simple and straight forward. I think I want my little girl back

it sounds like its a possibility that her change in personality could be a hormonal thing, i remember as an early bloomer myself i became quite deppressed around the same age and felt very isolated at the time i felt as though noone understood me espec my mam at the time,as i was still very young in my mind at the time i didnt cope very well for quite some time, i wish id had a parent care as much as you obviously do for your dd have you tried having a heart to heart with her about her feelings sometimes just being there to listen in a non judgemental way and let her vent her frustrations can really help, may even bring you closer together if she feels she can trust you and that you understand her, on the other hand i wouldnt discount the possibility that something else may be bothering her, young girls can often be too embarrassed to tell their mam about personal problems she needs to know that you are on her side and are there to talk to and that whatever is bothering her you are not there to judge only to listen and help if you can. hope this helps lol xx

it does help, thank you. Think I am too old to remember being 9
This morning I have spoken to DDs best friends Mum, and she is going to discretely talk to her DD to find out if anything else might be going on.
Just so hard when you see your little baby growing up. Things used to be so simple.
I do wonder if she feels in a bit of a limbo, she's neither a little girl nor a teenager at the moment. think maybe she might be as confused as I am

Its sooooo hard to watch your babies grow up ihave 2 ds's they are now 9 & 12 and to be true am quite broody as am missing having little ones around, they are getting so independant now and have their own lives apart from me now its a hard pill to swallow this i know!!

Drivinme..... Your DD sounds exactly the same as mine at that age, she's 11 now and still has bouts of down days. I really do feel your pain. Your little girl is changing and it's so hard to accept. It may be something deeper and could be fuelled by hormones but I suspect it's that she's growing up too. Like Jayjayp says, be there, be her friend as well as her mum. She needs you as much as ever, if not more when she feels low. Listen and don't react negatively to things you don't like hearing (boys or that she hates someone IYSWIM?) ask what happened to make her feel that way.

My DD tells me lots and I have always tried to be in her shoes, again! I hated growing up. I hated my body, my life, everything somedays. It will pass but you need to just let her be sometimes too. Be brave.

Is she under a lot of pressure? I have a similar thing with my daughter (also 9), low self esteem & sadness, so weird because she is a delight and DH and I are really encouraging and positive with her. She is very hard on herself and takes everything very seriously.

A friend recommended a therapist and DD has been twice. The woman works wonders on children like this. I was amazed by her. I can pass on her info if you like. My daughter seems happier since going, I think we will have her go a few more times.

I would have liked someone to say you can still have a hug even when you are old enough to go to university.

THe point being that she might feel she needs a hug because she feels down, but as she gets to 'feel' older, might simultaneously 'feel' she's too big to have a hug (even though she's only nine).

Sometimes you need permission to act a bit younger even if you know you are getting older.

You might want your little girl back, but she might still want to BE that little girl.

I completely understand you catinthehat2 and I think it is very important to remember that they might want to be little at time. It is overwhelming growing up.
Last week DD- who is a very hormonal 11yrs- spent Sunday morning playing with a box of old plastic play food. She had a ball and seemed happier afterwards.

So funny u said that spudmasher, this therapist I mentioned bangs on about how to have a happy kid the kid must be able to be a kid! Let them do fun stuff like that (just playing with plastic food) and break the rules every now and then and have everyone let their hair down and just have fun. She also said when we talk to them too much about our worries and troubles or scary world issues a lot (or in front of them) it makes them feel like they have the weight of the world on their shoulders.

Our DS now 10 has just gone through a very unsettled period. His behaviour became very difficult to manage, and we realised that he'd been having a terrible time at school with some of the kids in his class. We ended up having to move him to another school. Since then he has really settled down.

I was very interested in Spudmasher's DD playing with the play food. When our DS was at his most miserable, he asked for a Build-a-bear from his Grandma for his birthday. He really enjoyed making it, then played with it constantly for about a week. He seeed to get alot of comfort from just being able to cuddle his teddy!

They do seem to be under alot of pressure to achieve these days with SATS,being on a team, being popular etc.

I hope your DD feels happier soon. It's so upsetting to see your DC unhappy.