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DS1 testing limits since DS2 arrival - advice please

7 replies

sheeplikessleep · 18/03/2010 14:01

DS2 is 11 days old. Since his arrival, DS1 has understandably and very evidently been a little 'put out'.

He is constantly ignoring what we ask / say and we seem to have less and less influence over what he does. For example, in town this morning, he keeps trying to run off, ignoring us when we tell him to come back and to stay close to us. He refuses to sit up for his dinner, have his nappy changed, teeth brushed etc etc. I know all of this is his request for more attention, but he is still getting a lot and I'm worried how I'll cope next week when DH returns to work. I'm trying to make sure I'm spending time with him, reading with him etc, but obviously, it is less attention than he is used to.

We're counting 1-2-3, taking toys away from him (after a warning) and I'm just not sure what else to do. Can anyone give any advice? How long might it take DS1 to get used to his new baby brother (who incidently, he absolutely adores and is very affectionate towards him). I guess I'm finding it hard to balance the need to cut him a little bit of slack, but to be consistent enough that things are normal for him. Any words of wisdom appreciated - thanks.

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sheeplikessleep · 18/03/2010 14:03

Also, I am heavily praising him when he is good and going easy on the 'coo coo' noises we make with DS2.

I just want him to be his happy, content little self again and reassure him really.

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heth1980 · 18/03/2010 15:32

Can't really offer any magic words of wisdom but just wanted to say that I share your pain! I have DD (just turned 2) and DD2 (5 weeks) and it hasn't been an easy adjustment for DD1.

What I found really helps is to try to involve DD1 in everything I do with the baby......i.e during nappy changes she passes me the wipes, puts the dirty nappy in the bin etc...when I'm feeding she helps me burp the baby by rubbing her back etc etc....then I heap on loads of praise and tell her what a fantastic big sister she is.

I did have big problems with attention seeking whilst baby was on the boob, so now DD1 sits next to me and I put my arm around her whilst we read a book or she does some drawing etc so that she doesn't feel left out. I also make sure that I hand baby straight to DH when he comes in so I can have extra cuddles etc with DD1.

Mouseface · 18/03/2010 16:47

It will get better in time once DS1 realises that this tiny bundle mummy's holding will not make mummy disapear in a puff of smoke!

You're spot on re the put out thing. Yes, you're giving DS1 less attention but like heth1980 says, involving DS1 in the day to day care of DS2 will help. Hopefully, he'll feel like he's involved with important stuff.

When my DD was born, I got her a present from DS to her with a card saying thank you for being my big sister and how much he was looking forward to having fun together when he was bigger......

You sound like you're doing great BTW, given your very new arrival!!!

sheeplikessleep · 18/03/2010 17:07

thanks heth1980 and mouseface for posting.

i'll try to get ds1 more involved in nappy changes etc. i'm still a bit paranoid whether ds1 might be a little rough (which he isn't, he's proving to be incredibly gentle), but i'm trying not to show it!

hopefully ds1 will feel more settled soon. thanks again for posting.

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Ceebee74 · 18/03/2010 17:12

How old is your DS1?

I had awful problems when DS2 was born (Ds1 was 2.4 at the time) - I daren't look at some of the posts I put on here at that time as it will just remind me how hellish it was - we had constant tantrums, aggression towards DS2, naughtiness etc and nothing we did seemed to resolve it - but I was fortunate that I left DS1 in nursery 4 days a week (as if I was still working) which gave us all a break so I admire you for doing it without that.

Anyway, the good news is that it did get better DS2 is 16 months old now and they adore each other and DS1 does (occasionally) involve DS2 in his games - although DS2 has a tendency to wreck them All I did was literally take one day at a time and things gradually improved and now I can actually leave them in the same room together for a short while without DS2 being poked/bitten/pushed....

sheeplikessleep · 18/03/2010 19:00

He's 2.4 too, eek!

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Ceebee74 · 18/03/2010 19:55

Oops - it already sounds as if your DS1 isn't as bad as mine was At least he hasn't bitten him yet!!

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