curiosity re discipline...

[AliGrylls]

At what age do people think it is acceptable to start disciplining a child? Also, what methods of disciplining do you use?

I am curious to know because DH says that you shouldn't discipline a child before the age of 2 but I am convinced that children understand more than they let on and also I think children can be purposefully naughty before this age.

Depends what you mean by disciplining I guess. I think for under 2's, a firm "no" and removing the offending article, or the child from the situation is generally enough, along with distraction.

My dd2 is now 2.6 and I do use the time out/naughty step very rarely. Generally a warning of "if you do that again you'll be on the step" is enough to stop the behaviour for both her and my 5 year old dd. If it came to it though the 5 yr old would stay on the step for longer than the 2.6 yr old. For both I believe that the discipline must be instant, not delayed ie not "if you keep doing that then there'll be no chocolate later" as they've forgotten what the problem was by then.

Children aren't self-aware before the age of about two, so they can't really be deliberately naughty before that, but they can definitely understand the things you don't want them to do and the things that are ok. I think discipline is the wrong word. My gut instinct is to shy away from the 'disciplining' concept, which brings images of smacking etc, but I have a very strong belief that children can be trained in the way they should go from a very young age. My 10mo knows perfectly well what NO means, though it usually takes a few repetitions with frowns before she stops what she's doing - or if it's too tempting I take either her or the article away!

When I say disciplining I am talking about telling them off / naughty step etc. I agree with runoutofideas that whatever you do needs to be instant because a child under the age of 2 won't have a long memory.

I think my DS - now 9 1/2 months understands "no" but he is very willful and determined, and I can see he does have a bit of a stroppy streak, which is inherent in our family. I can see that unless DH and are strict with him from the beginning he will turn into a handful.

I think what I really want to do is to try to stamp out potential problems before they become one.

Would I be unreasonable for doing this?

Or am I being too ambitious?

To be honest I think you need to pick your battles. Choose things which are unacceptable and stick to it - let some of the little things go. He'll grow up then hopefully understanding where the boundaries are. I do think you would be unreasonable for putting a 9 1/2 month child on a naughty step. It is too much and they won't understand why they are there.

I think maybe as he gets older you will need to teach him ways to manage his "stroppy streak" as if it is just part of his character it seems a bit harsh to try to obliterate it completely! Wilful and determined can be good qualities too....

I think you can make a start - being consistent about what you allow and what you don't, saying "No", taking things off them that you don't want them to mess with, etc.

But you're being a bit ambitious if you expect/hope to see any effect from any of this - they have such short attention spans, and such instant connections between "wanting" and "doing" at this age, that you can be as consistent as you like but they will just keep on doing it because the thought of doing it has popped into their head and the 99 previous times you have stopped them just don't pop into their head!

Your 9mo can understand "No" at the moment that he hears it, but it is gone the next second. He's not being willful when he does the same thing again, it's just that he wants to do it.

So, don't expect anything to make much of an impact under about 2, but repetition up till then will gradually "fade up" in their consciousness from about 2 onwards.

I was never intending to start the naughty step - I have just read my post back and realised that is what it sounds like. I am a bit ashamed this is how it came across.

Thank you muminscotland - your post is really helpful.