Is it insecurity? How do I help her? DD aged 3...

[OhForASilentNight]

DD has had lots of very big changes in her life just lately - new house, new sister (now 6 wks), not going to childminder next to my old work anymore as I'm on maternity leave (although she still goes to the preschool that she was going to two days a week).

The last two weeks or so she has been having complete wobblies over the slightest thing - this afternoon she became near hysterical because I opened a carton of apple juice for her not realising that she wanted to do it herself. I immediately offered her my (still unopened and identical) juice so that she could open that one instead but she just sobbed for five minutes and i couldn't get a coherent word out of her. At the same time I had a chat with her key worker at preschool yesterday and they tell me she has really come out of her shell in the last two weeks or so and is really engaging and playing with the other kids (instead of alongside) for the first time.

I'm confused at her very different behaviour at school and home, and also don't know how to treat her... erm, tantrums? meltdowns? I don't want to give her attention and encourage that sort of behaviour but if she is struggling with all the changes I want her to feel safe and help her deal with it all...

Any suggestions? Oh yes, i'm also suffering from reflux induced sleep deprivation so may well be missing the wood for the trees!!

Feel your pain re the reflux!! DS 10 months old, in same boat!!!

Re DD1, I do think that change will have had an impact on her behaviour. Children like routine, they like to see that the childminder is the same and that on Wednesday, that's where she'll be going etc. Also, this tiny little person has moved into her space and stolen her mummy - and that's pants!! Even if it's not to that extreme, in her world, it is.

If she is doing really well at pre-school then it's just the change at home that has unsettled her and I think it will pass. She wants attention IMHO. Maybe you can talk to her about being at home with mummy and her new baby sister, what your day will involve, include her in changing baby's nappy etc, bath time. Let her be your little helper and see if that helps - assuming you don't already. The meltdown's will pass if she just wants to be included more?

Congrats on new DD too

This is the age of independence yet it swings from children wanting you to do it to them wanting to do it! It can be difficult to master, especially when dealing with other things too. Asking them first normally covers you. That way they choose. Tantrums & misbehaver... My step son is 3 and my youngest is six and they used to fight terribly after a few weeks of getting to know each other. So my partner & I put our heads together & came up with the naughty box. Basically instead of time outs that can me stressful on us let alone them, we take whatever toy they are playing with at the time of tantrum or whatever & it goes in the box. Later, when they have behaved (not when they have whinged too much) they get it back. Worked for ours! Maybe worth a try?
Also don't forget she will be testing you due to you being home with new baby. Involve her but don't overplay it as once the baby is older you will have alot to contend with.

Thanks Mouse and Coffee... am trying to involve her in as much as possible and spending time doing her choices of puzzles, etc when the baby is sleeping. Also had stern word with DH who seems to think that now that I'm home all day that ALL childcare related stuff, housework, meals, etc are my "job" and that i also have plenty of time to sit about and put my feet up! Ho hum.

Sympathies. dd was a wee bit similar. Partly it is just a 3 thing, I think, and part of it is getting used to new stuff, and sleep-deprived parents. dd is getting better - ds is 6 mo but a bad sleeper, so I've been tired and grumpy for a while, and my grumpiness is certainly a trigger for her. On the plus side she adores ds, and vice versa.