2 years 3 month DS really unhappy

[tryingtobemarrypoppins2]

since DS2 has been born in the last month, he is finding things really hard. He loves DS2 but his behaviour in large toddler groups and nursery is worying me. He crys thinking I'm going to leave, then is on edge the whole time. To make things worse I am sick of him being told off by one or two very snooty mums of very precious children who cry if DS plays alongside them making it appear he has done soemthing wrong when I have seen that he has done nothing I just feel really bad for him at the moment.

He is no angel and is having tantrums, nursery is VERY busy and the 1 day a week he goes always starts in tears and then ends with a comment about him needing lots of reminders not to get cross and he needs to use him words etc.... I am thinking of moving him to a smaller calmer nursery but it is a nightmare organising the logisits and things with DS2 and working part time etc.

I am really worried about him! Advice needed please!!

No advice really but just wanted to say that my DD is similar following birth of DS. I think its pretty normal (but horrible to watch

Thanks Tillyscoutsmum. DS2 isn't in any routine and wont be put down so its really hard at the moment

Going to a very busy nursery one day a week doesn't sound ideal. He would probably be happier somewhere smaller and if he went more often - say three mornings, he might be more settled. A hassle to organise but it might be worth making the effort if he is then happier and you might find another nursery where the other mums are friendly instead of snooty. When your child is unhappy the last thing you need is someone being snooty.

It is really hard but it will start to get better quickly. DS is 13 weeks now and things have calmed considerably the last couple of weeks. The nursery staff sound a bit crap though tbh .... they should understand he may be a bit unsettled etc. Can you have a chat with them ?

Is there anyone that can take DS2 out for a push in the buggy for an hour or two so you can have some quality time with DS1 ? Or is there a favourite grandparent/friend who could take DS1 out for a treat somewhere ?

I know it sounds silly, but can he go to nursery for any more time ? I think sometimes, if they only go for 1 day a week, the gap between going is too long and its not much of a routine iyswim ?? Could he go for an extra morning ?

Lastly, DS was/is also really bad at being put down in the day. He has got better with time and a swing really helped (one of those Fisher Price rainforest things). He will go in that for 20 mins or so which at least gives me chance to sit down and do a jigsaw/read a story with DD.

I have a 26 month gap between my DSs and this sounds familiar. As others have said, try really hard to spend time with him. I ended up leaving DS2 screaming in the other room so we could do jigsaws together, and had my mother push him crying round town, so I could play on the park...
We also had some almighty tantrums - probably made worse by tired mis-management on my part.
Anyway DS2 is now 13 weeks and DS1 now has his confidence back and loves being a big boy who goes to nursery (2 days); and seems quite accepting of his brother now.
I wouldn't change nursery as it's just more upset and change for him; and ignore the other mmums, when struggling with 2 at a toddler group, find the nice mums who will help you!!

Thank-you so much, some really good advice. Just got back from toddler group and it was like being at the United Nations! I am exhusted. DS1 just found it so hard to play with anyone today, loads of No, Mine etc etc, pushing, loads of moments and all whilst trying to breastfeed, although he loved singing time and joined in so nicely and rowed his boat really well with his friend so I keep seeing signs of my angel appearing every now and again.

He is sleeping loads, 7-7 then 12-3:45 most days, missing lunch and eating hardly any tea so I am sure this is not going to help his behaviour????

A nice mum at toddlers said to praise him as much as possible and I really take this on board its just so embarrising at the moment as all the other children seem to be well behaved

Could he be teething as well? my ds is 23 months and so far only child but similar behaviour and also the sleeping loads and not eating! Also really clingy recently and not wanting me out of his sight!

binjibaghi funny you should say that. He is eating NOTHING and his nappies as terrible. I am looking for any excuses as I hate this behaviour

This sounds so so familiar - DS1 is 27 months, DS2 is 8 weeks, and DS1 has turned really - well, if he wasn't my own darling boy I'd call him really nasty! It's heartbreaking when I know what an amazing person he is really. He's become whiney, tantrumy, aggressive - I'm praying it won't last long. He hedbutted his brother today

sushistar - that makes me feel so much better knowing I'm not alone.....its horrible though isn't it. I feel like staying home as toddler group is hard work as is getting out the house!

My DD1 is a lot smaller than your DS1 but it all sounds very very familiar. DD1 is 22 months and DD2 is five months. DD1 is very clingy and tantrumy in a way she never was before However, on the positive side things are a lot easier than they were at the start. DD1 is now much more accpeting of her little sister and includes her in stuff ("Look baby, teddy!). Things are made difficult by DD2 being very hard to settle and not napping in her cot (i.e. out of the road) so I have a kari-me sling that I pop her in to sleep and play with DD1.

It is really really hard. You do need to make time for your eldest and praise postiive behaviour etc etc but someitmes you are just too tired (i have just had a bad day). I found it is easier if you plan activities so you konw if your head you will do something with them. We did some cooking the other day that was fab.

don't konw if any of this helps.

Oh yes - I noticed today that DD1s back molars have started coming through (that is why I started to write in the first place and got carried away). She was also doing the sleepign ont eating thing, so it could be teeth

Mmm, my ds1 is chewing on his fingers lots and told us the other dfay that his teeth hurt - so I'm hoping that the teeth have a lot to do with it. It seems a bit convenient to blame it on teething just when his brothjer has appeared on the scene though! Poor wee mite, I just hope it doesn't last too long and he can be back to his happy self soon. He wouldn't jon in at all with the activities at play group this morning - just sat on the mat next to me and cried at every little thing.