It is the same every day

[FabIsDoingPrettyWell]

Following on from this thread since the teacher started telling me things it has been every day. He pushed and pinched someone today so is to be kept in tomorrow again.

He is adamant he has done nothing.

He is fine in class and fine when in the receptions own play ground but not at lunch time when year r play with years 1 and 2.

I was so upset I went back in to class and spoke to the teaching assistant and she said it is like he has regressed with his behaviour. His work is fine.

Sorry you're finding it so tough, FAB.
fwiw, he sounds entirely within the normal spectrum to me. Just one of those series of behaviours you have to keep trying to mold for the better. I am sure that he is far from the only boy who will act like this (or rather, this badly) in KS1 this year.

When I only had DD+DS1 I used to look at certain little boys and smuggly think it was me that somehow made DS1 less impulsive and more mature. Then I had DS2....

He has changed so much these last few weeks. It just isn't like him at all. My other two are no trouble at school and never have been. At home all 3 are buggers!

Fab it may seem like forever but it really is probably just a phase he is going through, something is stressing him out, leaving him unsettled, and there is a reason he is feeling like this, even if he can't articulate this.

Is there anything at home that could be unsettling him? My DS went through a similarly hard time at school for a bit when we where homeless and living in temporary accomodation and I was highyl stressed and our life was unstable. As soon as we moved and got our own house and I was less stressed his behaviour went back to normal again.

Fpur year olds struggle with their friends too, has he had a falling out wiht any friends recently? A little boy at the school I work at was so worked up over his friend playing with someone else that he was sick for two days, vomiting as soon as he got to school.

So what's changed, FAB, in these last few weeks, apart from his behaviour? Anything? Even something seemingly really small could have a big impact on a 4 yr old.

I can't think of anything that has changed other than occasionally me being a half decent parent and not letting them get away with things or giving in. I really don't think it can be that.

He just seems so stroppy.

Testosterone rush that Steve Biddulph says that 4yo boys get? I didn't notice with DS1, but it was very obvious with DS2.

Growth spurt does sound likely. Is he eating more than normal? Are his nails growing fast? These often manifest themselves before the trousers get too short.

The other thing to consider is if there is any goading or name calling going on and he is retaliating in the only way he knows how. There was a boy in my DSs class in Reception who had this, and was getting into lots of trouble as the only thing the lunchtime supervisors saw was the physical retaliation and the other children observing didn't think to speak out about what caused it.

If this is happening, the teachers need to be aware and deal with it, and maybe you can talk through some coping strategies with your DS.

............the boy in my DSs class was being goaded by boys in Y3 and 4.

I posted a few weeks ago about his increase in appetite. We didn't have this behaviour at school when ds1 started but they are all different.

I will be called in no doubt so will make notes of all these ideas, thanks.

I feel like crying and I haven't even seen ds2 yet. DH has said we might have to go in to school and see the teacher but what is the point? We haven't got an ideas for how to stop him misbehaving.

I need to find out if he is being verbally teased but how do I do that without putting words in his mouth?

He can seem confused at times and sometimes will admit things he hasn't done depending on my tone of voice. It works well when I know he isn't telling the truth but not so good when I don't.

I spoke to the teacher today. Said could she be sure that no one is goading him and that keeping him in the following day is carrying it over too long.

Today he will be allowed out, someone will watch him, he will get one warning and then will be taken in if he doesn't behave.

I actually don't want to go and pick him up as I am dreading what he might have done.

Fab - so sorry this obviously is upsetting for you. My DS never tells me anything that involves him - only stuff that involves other kids. I am very friendly, however, with another mum who has a girl in the same class who tells her mum evrything so I get any information I need from her.

Maybe this isn't the ideal way to go about it, but if you have a similar friend, this could be an option.

Is your other DS at the same school? Can he keep an eye/ear out? Maybe say to him that DS2 could use a bit of big brother ( not Big Brother...) guidance/assistance?

There is a mum who appears to have offered to ask her son but I don't really want her to do it as it is a pressure in a way for him and he is only 5.

Today him and another boy were pushing each other in the dinner queue but he was fine in the playground and wasn't taken in. I asked the teacher if it was a better day and if he could have a chocolate and she said yes but it wasn't good enough just one day, he had to be good tomorrow. Fair enough but let's just focus on today.

Tonight he has made his brother cry.

It sounds to me like there is something going on, but I'm no expert. Its good that they are keeping a close eye/actively watching him in the playground, if you can make sure they are listening too.

What is he normally like? I'm sorry I haven't read any of your previous posts.

....sorry Fab just read your other thread that you linked at the beginning of this thread

Given the fact he had scratches and its so out of character, I would insist that there be listening supervision going on by a teacher when he is in the playground with Y1/2. Keeping him in seems just to be the easy option in terms of their management of it, I am thinking now this seems quite unfair on your little boy.

It is their responsibility to get to the bottom of it and not just take it at face value.

Oh FAB - you sound so stressed out you poor thing.

I have no clue as to how to help but just wanted to let you know I am sure it is a phase. I agree with the testosterone idea as well. HAve you read Biddulph's book? My DS went through a similar surge.

If it sint a 'male surge' I do hope youget to the bottom of it and soon as well.

Just a possibility - could he not have had any problems today as the teacher was wathing him..and therefore the person who was/could possibly be picking on him saw that and therefore didnt? Does that make sense? DOnt know - it was just an idea that popped into my head as I was typing.

It is a good idea and I will bear it in mind. He has so many friends and I don't know of any one in his class who doesn't like him, apart from he pushes, etc them.

It could be someone in another class altogether......

DH and I have had a chat and decided not to ask the teacher every day how he has been and let them come to me if he does anything particularly bad.

TBH I am not entirely sure what I am expected to do when this is happening at school. I can't control him when I am not there, heavens, I can't sometimes at home when I am.

Sounds very sensible. Maybe you should ask the teacher your last sentence, its a fair point.

Hoping it improves for you all soon.

Thank you.