16m old bashing everyone - am I doing this right?

[redllamayellowllama]

DS is a friendly and sociable little boy - 'hello' and 'bye' to everyone we see, hugging the legs of other parents at Toddler Gym etc etc.

We just went to our first playgroup, which was lovely, but his way of sussing out other children is to run over, give them a bash and see what they do. He also lashes out if another child won't give him a go on a toy (although is happy to share anything he has) I am: Giving the other child lots of attention, showing him how to stroke people nicely, saying 'no' firmly and removing him from the situation if the severity of bashing warrants it. I'm trying to to pull him up constantly, as sometimes it is just strokes and I don't want him to feel like I'm constantly 'on' him.

He's always done this with friend's children too, but once the initial bash is out of the way, he just gets on with playing and is very affectionate. And they're friend's children, so I'm probably less neurotic about it.

I know that he'll eventually grow out of it and I need to persevere, but just looking for some reassurance. At one point today, he gave a mum a bit of a bash with a plastic pan and she really laid into him and then glared at me (I didn't tell him off any more than she had, but went over, picked him up and made him sit with me for a while). I think this is the bit that bothers me the most actually - other parent's reactions to his behaviour.

How am I doing?

I think you're doing fine -- although I personally would try to hover a lot to prevent the bashing happening at all.
DS2 used to do this, running up and pushing someone over was his way of saying "Boy I like you, let's play!"
Yes it's tough to take disapproval from other parents, some people seem to love being self-righteous about it (usually parents of girls, alas, I find).

Thanks mloo - I'm hovering as much as I can without inhibiting him (if you know what I mean).

And yes, funnily enough it is always the parents of girls who disapprove the most. Do girls never, ever bash? Is this strictly a boy-dominated sport?!

WELL... If I may indulge in a bit of gender stereo-typing anecdotal & based on my inadequate life experiences, naturally girls rarely bash. They certainly don't do the "Run up out of nowhere and push you over because I love you thing".

However... girls do a LOT of mind games with each other come Yr1/Yr2+. So it swings in roundabouts!

DD went through a pushing everyone over phase. Most girls I know have been through similar (hitting or pushing)

DS has never gone through any such phase, so there goes your gender stereotyping out the window!

If "inhibiting" him means he doesn't bash so often, then perhaps hover a bit more? Lots of toddlers have this phase but most parents get fed up quite quickly of the same child bashing theirs again and again (even if it is just once per session).