DS, nearly 2, being scratched by other toddler

[Gangle]

We have a nanny share with another family for DS, nearly 2 and their DS, same age. Works well apart from the fact that nearly every other week DS ends up being either scratched, bitten or pinched by the other child. He had a really bad scratch on his nose the other week which took 10 days to heal then yesterday came back with 3 deep red scratch marks/gashes to his face, like a wild animal had been clawing him. Our nanny is pretty vigilant and I think is doing all she can to stop it happening but I can't bear to see DS's beautiful face torn up every other week. I also know that DS can be pretty boisterous with the other boy but he never leaves any marks. Is there anything else I can do? Feel like I may have to terminate the share if it keeps happening.

What does the nanny say is going on?

Fwiw I'd speak to her and then maybe other boys mum depending on what you find out.

Could be as simple as other boy just needs his nails cutting more often. I know my ds can make a right mess of himself if I don't trim his nails regularly.

You could be my co-nanny share mum. well, almost - our child who is 2 has started scratching and has scratched her nanny buddy twice in the past couple of weeks. She's been sick, and very off-colour, but it doesn't make anyone feel any better about it! I feel guilty, the other mum is understandably tetchy, and the nanny, who is brilliant, I think feels like her professional skills are being challenged!

If it is happening A LOT then you need to talk to everyone about it - we all had a chat about it when it had happened once just to clear the air and to make sure that it is addressed identically by everyone (the nanny and us when it happens, for consistency's sake). Then you can have a strategy. One of the frustrating things from our perspective is that 1. we really are doing everything you are supposed to do and 2. it's very out of character for DD, whom you would never guess is a scratcher. She is not boisterous or particularly physical! So we are at a loss a bit about what to do, other than to try to be as consistent and tough as possible. I've also called the other mum so we have talked it through. I'd be so sad if she wanted to terminate because of it, everything else just works beautifully.

Our nanny also pointed out quite sensibly that this is one of the major challenges of a share. If this were siblings, with one scratching the other, you would be cross but probably not feel the same way about it!

If I were in your shoes, I'd want to know that the other mum felt bad about it and was doing things to try to overcome it.

As MrsFlux says it might just be long nails, as well!

thanks both. Problem is that it is not out of character for the other child - he is usually fairly quiet and easy going but on several occasions has turned on DS and been quite vicious. I would feel better if I knew the other mum was sorry about it and doing all she can to prevent it. Have texted her so will see what she says. I will also talk to the nanny again but at the same time this has to be the last time. Can't have his face repeatedly savaged. Making me really resent having the older child in the house, especially as due to have DS2 on Friday and already feeling a bit emotional and territorial.

I am a mum to a DS 2 10mths who is a hitter, shover and biter, and i am mortified at his behaviour and am regularly in tears when he lashes out to other poor unsuspecting toddlers,

so am going to play devils advocate here, it is just a phase (a horrible one) that toddlers go thro and I am sure his mother is only too aware of his behaviour. My feeling is that it's up to the nanny to watch them both 'like a hawk' to prevent situations flaring up and it's her job to talk to his mother if anything happens

they are only 2 at the end of the day lots of luck

Urggh, posting again as this has happened again to poor DS - 2 huge red scratch marks on his beautiful cheek plus he was bitten last week. We are going to think about terminating the share - was on the cards anyway (we have both had second children and the share is unlikely to work with 4). Am I overreacting??

I don't think so. I do think that it is a thing that many children go through, but this is going on a long time now. I think that the other child may not be happy there or getting enough attention at home or there is some other issue. The nanny needs to be right there all of the time watching, which she must not be. It would be very difficult if there were more children.

Btw, my ds was with a childminder who has a ds who is about 6 months younger. This child whinged quite a lot and my ds started putting his hands around his throat. The mother/childminder said "I think he is just trying to help him stop crying". I was horrifed when I saw but explained that that made x feel sad. It didn't go on for long. Then she took in another child who was biting, so she actually stopped that child coming over after two visits. I think that she felt that that child's home environment would mean that things would not improve.