Almost 11yo who has passing obsessions/fads

[HOMEMADECHUTNEY]

My ds1, almost 11, has been worrying me a lot lately. We have been called to his school regarding issues with him being bullied/excluded. I must say that the school has excellent in making an effort to integrate him better into his group (they say he doesn't share enough common interests, tho I know he loves soccer, fishing, bloody Top Gear etc).

He is a really bright boy, but struggles to maintain friendships. One worry I have in particular, is that he tends to become obsessively interested in something, to the point where he is driving us mad by talking about it all the time (examples fishing, airfix, scalextric) then moves on to another interest and totally drops the previous one.

He told me this morning that he hates having these "fad" interests but doesn't seem to be able to switch off his brain from becoming overly obsessive about whatever is the hobby
du jour.

Any similar stories/advice? He is such a lovely little boy, and we are really concerned for his happiness.

Yes, my ds1 gets passing obsessions with, eg, reading the same book again and again and then acting it out... It gets embarrassing when it gets to the point that he would rather do that than, eg, be polite to guests or when visiting other people... He is only 6, though, and is aware that we think he gets a bit too obsessional about things sometimes, and that however great the obsession, it should not get in the way of simple politeness. He clearly does find it exceptionally difficult to switch off when in this mode, though. He isn't like this all the time, but does go through phases of things like this being particularly important to him, up to the point where people start to get fed up and cross with him, when he finally manages to get out of it. It is almost as though his thoughts get a bit stuck and he genuinely has to work incredibly hard to stop it - he doesn't want to be rude. He does get totally involved in his obsession, though, and gets great pleasure from it, so I'm not sure that it could be classed as a compulsion, which is not necessarily particularly pleasurable.

I suspect this is something that will continue to be an issue for ds1 for the rest of his life, but at least he is self aware. As he is younger than your ds, I'm afraid I have no advice, as his behaviour is not really unacceptable at such a young age, and has become less rigid in the last year or so. Have the school suggested anything that could help? I'm sure if it got severe enough/is severe enough to affect his mood, school and social life, you could seek some form of counselling/CBT to help? Or does he have any other behaviours that make you fear he may have, eg, mild aspergers? Sorry not to be particularly helpful, but I thought I'd at least let you know there are other little boys like that out here!

My son has recently been diagnosed as autistic as a result we have discovered my husband suffers with aspergers syndrome.

The things you describe may be aspergers syndrome. People with it are often of average or above intelligence and can find making friends difficult because they are unable to read other people. They also tend to have obsessions.

I do not wish to alarm you and DH went through his childhood with no knowledge of this and has a happy and full life now, but had he understood why he felt the way he did it may have made life easier.

The best thing is to see his doctor and they can refer you on to someone.

I have a superb book I will get the details and post them here later.

x

The book is Aspergers syndrome. A guide for parents and professionals by Tony Attwood. Pubished by Jessica Kingsley. It's very easy to read and has common sense and practical advise.

Reading it helped me understand my husband so much better.

xxx

I have to say, that sounds exactly like me and I'm 38! Even now I get obsessive about things and have done for as long as I can remember. I have an attic full of boxes and boxes of my obsessions that DH is not allowed to even think about throwing away because I like to know they're there.

"He told me this morning that he hates having these "fad" interests but doesn't seem to be able to switch off his brain from becoming overly obsessive about whatever is the hobby du jour."

That really rings a bell with me. I eat and sleep whatever it is I'm interested in at the moment. And yet the next day that can vanish in a puff of smoke and something else replaces it. On FB I joined groups relating to past obsessions (although not really past as they're still there on the back burner waiting to jump back to the front) I've had so many school friends remark that they remember me being obsessed by whatever years ago.

I wasn't really bullied at school apart from odd incidents but I was better at and always had a bestest best friend than a group of friends. But the friend changed quite often as well and in between friends I was, and still am a bit of a loner and not great in social situations. But, I've never thought of any of this as really a problem. I wish I was different but I'm not.

Thx for all that. I was aware when i was posting that it did make him sound mildly aspergers, but i don't really think that's his issue. He's very sociable, and til now have never worried at all about him really. He's being taught in a small group in school, and one or two of the boys there have been prone to bullying him in the past. This has all arisen in the past few wks, and i suppose i just want him to learn some skills and social tools which will help him to fit in better.

he seems to be inclined to boast to the others about his good grades etc, an issue which has been taken in hand by the school, and they tell him he's trying very hard to curb this, they now feel the other boys need to start appreciating his efforts!

Anyway i think I do need to talk to a professional and get some advice. Thank you all.

Rockbird thankyou! just read your post and for some reason it made me smile! ds1 is a great little guy really, just a few quirks we need to work on! Will still be seeking out the professionals.

I had a series of fads/ obsessions as a child, e.g. bird watching, star gazing, budgerigar keeping (?) etc. Usually driven reading.

I am not remotely ASD, but have a PhD. Not sure if that fact is reassuring.

Very reassuring, and think i may have overreacted a bit to "fads" issue! Thank-you boardgames!

I'm also an obsessive/faddy interest person - I've learned to consider it a strength rather than a weakness, though goodness only knows there's always a queue of people ready to tell you it's due to a "weak" personality, "no stickability", "can't you ever see anything through?".

Actually, my detailed general knowledge over a lot of areas of interest is now pretty extensive, I can hold a detailed conversation with lots of different people who all hold different interests as I'm very likely have had some experience in something they enjoy. I've had a huge range of life experiences. I've also FINALLY in my 30s found a couple of interests that I've maintained far beyond any fad - and funnily enough one is writing. Having lots of interests is a HUGE strength when starting complicated research!!

Two books I can really recommend for insight into this personality type: The Renaissance Soul by Margaret Lobenstine and What Do I Do When I Want To Do Everything? by Barbara Sher.

One thought - do you have the funds so that you could perhaps allow him to choose one 'club' or similar outside of school - a different one each term if he likes. He gets the chance to really make the most of his personality plus opportunities to make friends OUT of school.

Once he's got some friends outside of school, that might just give him enough confidence to improve things inside school too?

Thanks for that rubberduck. Am now beginning to view it as hugely positive character trait!

Am really glad I wish I'd been encouraged to see it as a positive when I was young - I think it would have made a huge difference to me.

I've also remembered this FABULOUS talk on TED by Adam Savage (from Mythbusters fame) who talks about his obsessive tendencies. I love hearing him speak - his energy is amazing: Adam Savage

Thx very much rubberduck. can actually see now how this could become a positive if nurtured in the right direction. Will have a look at all you suggested.

Have actually often thought that he would make a great researcher, given his tendancy to leave no stone unturned!

Absolutely think positively re: research. I have the ability to be absolutely enthralled and ensconced in my latest fad even now. I never did choose to do a PhD but I have two first class honours degrees and am so far obtaining a first in an MSc - and I'm also a pretty sociable person, with decent people skills. I learned to control the crazy over the years, and only bring out my obsessions when in the company of like-minded individuals! He is only a kid yet..