DS always wants his daddy

[ApuskiDusky]

Hi, I'm currently pregnant with ds2, and suffered badly with sickness for the first part of pregnancy, so that I really struggled to do a lot with taking care of ds1 who is 2.7 - DH took up the slack, taking the lead on mornings, bed times and night waking. We both work 4 days a week, different days off, though I was signed off work with the sickness.

I'm now better - still knackered, but able to cope - but I'm struggling to rebuild the relationship I had with ds. He finds it hard to be comforted by me, tells me to 'go away' if I get up to him at night, asks for his daddy etc.

It's better during happy times - he's happy to play with me, likes to sit with me reading books etc, but if he is upset he doesn't want anything to do with me, and he responds disproportionately badly to me if I tell him not to do something or want him to do something he doesn't want to do, like a nappy change.

I'm handling the 'rejection' aspect of it OK; I know why it's happening, so am not getting too upset by it, but I could do with some ideas on how to best handle this.

Any thoughts?

DS2 (18m mths) rejects me daily in favour of his Daddy yet will be consoled solely by me at other times. Our way of handling of it, so far, is letting him get on with it. As long as one of us is there to deal with his immediate need at any time it doesn't matter which it is.

And this has to make things so much easier on you?

Hmm, you've made me think about why this bothers me...

A few things going on I think - both DH and I are keen to distribute the workload more evenly, allowing for my tiredness, and I feel bad if he has to be the one that gets up in the night all the time for example.

And I guess I'm a bit worried about how things mught pan out once the baby is here - I don't want us to drift into a me and baby / DH and DS split, which would be more likely if ds continues to always want his daddy.

It might just be a phase, that would have happened anyway; maybe I am worrying because I feel guilty about not having been able to look after him when I was ill.

Exactly the same thing happened to me. DS1 was 16 months when I became pregnant with DS2. I was knackered/felt sick/couldn't play with him as much. Up until then DS1 showed no preference for me or DH. He (naturally, I suppose) sought out DH more to spend play time with. This developed into a full on major preference for DH.

Then DS2 arrived and his preference intensified!!! I was spending a lot of time BF DS2, plus I was tired, going to bed early. DS1 was horrified by the new arrival and didn't want to spend time with me at all. In the end (and to bypass the horrible tantrums that occurred whenever I asked him to do something) DH took DS1 to bed, got him up, made his dinner, took him to playgroup, brushed his teeth, you name it! I was still around for DS1, but in the background, he always liked me to read to him and to 'help' me cook.

DS2 is one next month. DS2 is just starting to come out of his DH obsession. This past fortnight he's wanted me to do his teeth, take him for walks, and best of all he's given me loads of hugs and affection. The other night he called for ME when he woke up. Unheard of!

So after all that rambling, I just wanted to say that sometimes they show a preference, and it can be painful, but they get over it eventually. The DH/DS1 split did happen to me, but really it was out of my control. It will pass. DS1 said he loved me lots today, I'm one v. happy lady

Sorry, should read DS1 is just starting to come out of his DH obsession.

Thanks, maybe all I can do is ride it out... Glad to hear it has sorted itself out now.

I went through a really upsetting time with dd last year where she wanted nothing to do with me, think for slightly different reasons, dh works long hours and doesn't see her during the week so is like some sort of permanent children's entertainer at weekends and never tells her off or anything. Anyway she even bit me one time because I went to give her a cuddle instead of daddy. But anyway, point is despite it being really bad, things have now balanced out and she wants me just as much if not more than him. So it is probably just a phase and kids can be very fickle!