another tantrum thread - 3 in 3 days and he's only 18 months! Help!

[averagemum]

My lo has his molars pushing, so has been waking up at night and is tired and it's very cold outside but still... I'm reeling from the force of his first tantrums and would just like some reassurance please!

This morning I somehow didn't respond quickly enough for his demand for a cup of milk plus the watering-can (I think he wanted to water the plants at the same time) and he ended up screaming and wailing in the corridor for about 20 minutes, refusing to be picked up / comforted. I started putting the washing away, trying to show him I was nearby but also trying to ignore. But it occurred to me that he probably just doesn't know how to calm down himself yet, so I went and asked him if he wanted to do a drawing and he calmed down instantly. But then he kicked off in the park again a bit later on - getting back into the buggy is an absolute nightmare at the moment.

So how do people deal with tantrums in such a little one? Especially buggy related ones? (He doesn't want to walk, or be held...) His understanding is great, but only has about 10 words so far... maybe frustration is part of it?

Any advice appreciated. Thank you.

If he's sleeping badly he maybe grumpy from being tired? Is he getting one good nap still after lunch?

I find with a good nap and bonjela teething gel it helps tremendously, and the teetha sachets are good with the chamomile in too. If I tick all those boxes, their behaviour isn't anywhere near as bad.

I always try and explain too (not sure they truly understand) why they have to go in buggy/ car seat and carry on holding firmly and strapping in. They calm down again with a bit of distraction generally. But I just push on through, if they have to go in buggy/ car seat I just do it. Thankfully it is a stage and it does pass.

Other things I do are to leave them to it to calm down, I say something like "you stay there and have a nice lie down and come and see me when you have calmed down" (if at home). Most of the time they stop when I'm not paying any attention and then when they come through, I give them a hug and say "that was a bit silly wasn't it" or something similar and try and resolve things and explain why they shouldn't have done that or whatever.

If out and about, I've been known to abandon trip and just get home and on returning home ban tv/ favourite toy for being naughty whilst out for a set period of time.

I have other ideas but I suspect some other mumsnetter will be along shortly so I'll leave my suggestions there for now.

It is a stage, it does get better just be consistent x

Thank you for replying teaandcakeplease! He does have a good 1.5-2 hour nap after lunch, but can wake very early - 5.30 am on a bad day, 6.30 am on a BRILLIANT day... (he goes to bed at 7pm).

I have been giving the gel at night but will try in the day too to see if it helps.

I think I was just shocked more than anything! Ds has always been fairly laid back. But some great advice, thank you. When you ignore / leave yours to calm down - do they eventually? Part of me feels terrible just leaving him to get on with it, but I know if I try to cuddle, distract it can make things worse - and I suppose teach him that it's an OK way to behave! Today when it was all over I just told him I loved him and was glad he wasn't grumpy anymore... It's exhausting stage though isn't it?!

I actually peek through door hinge whilst happening, so they think I've gone but I'm still watching.

Sometimes they can follow you into your room and lay on floor again shouting!

Ignoring does work most of the time though.

You'll have loads more ideas soon, as once everyone's LO's are in bed, it'll get busy on mumsnet as you probably know.

3 in 3 days.... erm - I hate to break it to you but it might get worse - we've had phases of multiple tantrums per day. Some children just really go for it! My DS has had stroppy phases on and off from 11 months and still occasionally does now at nearly 5 - so take my advice with a pinch of salt maybe but here it is anyway -

I've found the best thing is to stay calm and normal myself (not always easy or possible of course), stay good-humoured, comforting and available, but never "give in" to a tantrum by giving him what he is screaming for. Distraction can work well if you get in early eg "Oh well, I was going to make biscuits but you don't have to help if you're too busy having a strop" etc can often head it off at the pass. Also saying "well, you really are very cross about this aren't you" or similar can help calm them down. But when you feel incredibly frustrated and angry it is hard to calm down instantaneously, so leaving them to it and reassuring them that you will be there for a hug later is often a good idea.

Out and about, I would remove him from playdates/playground/cafes etc and calmly explain we couldn't stay as he was being too noisy. When quite little I would just bundle him into the buggy if necessary.