Obsessive bell ringing when arriving at playgroup?? Help!!!!

[WornOutMum78]

Hi all, I'm new to mumsnet but am desperately looking for any ideas of how to handle a flashpoint for tantrums. My son has just turned 3 and attends a local playgroup for a couple of hours each morning. The minute we walk onto the grounds of the school its held in he starts saying "mummy I want to press the ding-bell".The closer we get to the front door the more frantic he becomes. This is all well and good if we are arriving alone but quite often there are other kids who get to the bell first to ring or the well meaning receptionist sees us coming and buzzes us on in. Then he just throws a complete wobbly screaming, shouting and throwing himself on the floor.He is then in a strop for at least half an hour after I leave him. It's just getting plain ridiculous now. I dread taking him every morning and it's becoming an issue.

What have I tried?

• pandering to him and going back outside and letting him ring the bell and getting another mother to open the door.

• telling him he has to take turns ringing the bell and it's not his turn today.

• putting him on the "naughty spot" inside the school.

• shouting at him.

Nothing works. He just sees red when he doesn't get to push that bell!!!

Any other ideas or help would be greatly appreciated.

Melanie

Couldn't let you go unanswered......

Try the buzzer/bell isn't working and time your entry so that it's just you two. Speak to your well meaning receptionist, if she is half as savvy as you think, she'l buzz you in and it'll be fine.

You can say that the bell needs fixing but he can still try? Take the pressure off. He feels like it's his job to open the door. He feels that's important. You have to respect that. I know it does your head in......... been there. Speak to the staff. Even if you arange to go in 5 mins after everyine else, just so he can ring the bell and be settled, without 30 mins of hell for them, that's better. Right????

Good luck xx

Can't he just press it? Even if the door is open?

Thankyou for your speedy replies. Will try the bell isn't working thing in the morning to see how that goes!!

Afraid he can't just press the bell when the door is already opened. We have to kind of reset the situation to the beginning with the door closed and him being the one to get someone to open it by ringing the bell. Maybe if I say the bells broken it will remove the problem.

Fingers crossed its that simple. It's always the little things in the daily routine that cause the biggest problems!!!

Thanks

Melanie

Well, how did you get on? Did telling him the bell was broken work or are you not on MN because you're still at the door with him ringing the bell!!!!!

Well eventually getting on to reply about the bell ringing thing. It was absolutely hell up until the 2 week easter break. After that we were going into his playgroup and I just said "we don't need to press the bell anymore, it's someone's elses job now". And it worked. I couldn't believe it. I tried everything before this. However, he's started a million other little obsessive rituals around the house in the meantime but they're copable things.
We are currently looking into having him assessed for asperger's or other autistic disorders. We've spoken to the health visitor and she feels there may be cause for concern. We now get tantrums over opening front doors. Things need to be set in certain ways, etc.He reverts to a hi pitched squeaky voice in other peoples company and you would think he couldn't talk as its all baby talk. He's so ritualistic about everything and if something is done out of order the whole situation needs reset or there are hysterics for up to an hour. It's nuts.
So either we are failing horribly as parents or there is something not quite right. I don't know what to do in the meantime. Try to break all his rituals causing him mega distress or just continue with them. If he is mildly autistic then he genuinely feels he must do things a certain way. However, if it just turns out he has controlling issues by continuing with the rituals will just reinforce them.
Goodness, parenting is hard!!

Melanie

sounds like my 3 year old and there's nothing wrong with her that being 4 won't solve (gosh I hope!). I'm not saying you are wrong to suspect autism, after all you know him and his behaviours best, but just giving a bit of perspective that other toddlers do similar. today dd pressed the button to cross the road (kind of similar to your door bell situation - it has to be her or she goes ballistic) then ds pressed it after her - cue ten minutes screaming and sobbing. blooming heck! every day is the same, especially in the morning when things have to be done a certain way or else. it is exhausting and annoying. she's just a control freak like her mum

My 3 year old was totally like this and is still a bit now at 4.5 - he will only go downstairs like a train & I have to help, for example. Lots of his rituals have been around transitions - coming into and out of the house, especially - I assumed it was related to a general three-year old thing around preferring to be at home and feeling unadventurous generally. I tried to break some rituals (very painful) and gave in on others and lots of them passed. Some of it for my son was a need for more control in daily life - if given option of eg getting own breakfast, when to have bath etc, that eased it a bit.

Hi everyone,

thanks for all your comments.

We have been working really hard to break my sons ritualistic behaviour as it was getting out of control.However I've been talking to a lot of other parents and it's now becoming apparent that his behaviour isn't so totally off the radar!! I'm now wondering if we are over reacting so I've told the health visitor to hold off on any assessments. He is my first child so I don't really know what is normal and what's not but it sounds like some of his obsessive things are in keeping with what other kids his age are doing.

He seems to be levelling out a bit and not quite as aggressive. When things go wrong for him he still verbally lashes out at me and say "I don't want you any more mummy" but he used to hit me as well.

I was thinking some of the behaviours may have been for attention and to control aspects of his life as I have a 5 month old boy as well.

Any autism assessment is on hold for now. Thankyou for sharing your stories. It's made me feel much better and given me some reassurance.

I'm just an overreacting first time mummy!!!

Melanie
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