6 yr old son sudden change in behaviour

[Magsinpoland]

My son has always been livelier than most. He's the one you see swinging from trees, skiing the black runs with his dad and running endlessly like Forrest Gump. Despite his "ants in the pants" he's also doing well at school, he's got a real thirst for learning and photographic memory (lucky sod). His last school report was fantastic, and his teacher said he is liked by everyone.

However, two week's ago his behaviour changed completely. He's always been hard work to parent, too busy to hear the "its time to get dressed" or "dinner time" or "don't run across the road" - to concentrate on these basic tasks is just plain too boring for him. However, now he's varying from not hearing a single message from me out of 15 I might be telling him to aggressively answering NO all the time. He's saying bad things, and being very angry and controlling towards me and his sister (2 years younger). Tonight he screamed at me and told me he didn't love me. This was a complete shock, not the caring loving boy he usually is.

I'm worried that all he hears from me all the time is please do this, please do that, because its a bit like that. They're usually just basic things, its not like I'm asking him to do something really awful And the more I ask and the more he doesn't hear, the more I become angry mum.

There's a few things on my mind that might be causing this. One is that he is one out of 4 boys in a class of very strong personalities. Two of his friends in his class are pretty like him, but one in particular I would say is completely out of control. And the teacher admitted to me she doesn't know what to do about it. When DS is with this other boy, she said she can't get any message through to either of them. In the last couple of weeks they've been getting time out, and other punishments every day.

He's also being very physical at home, like he needs to run a marathon every day or something to get it out of his system.

My husband travels a lot so doesn't see much of the kids during the week. Tonight he was leaving on a trip and DS begged him not to go or to take him with him.

Sorry, this is so long! Is he just going through the next stage of boyhood?

I try to be firm but understanding, but now I'm struggling to control/discipline him. If this is just the next stage, I really need some tips on how to be a cool but effective mum to a strong-willed, clever and physical boy!

Have you tried asking him?

I'd talk to his teacher again, explain what's going on and see what she thinks.

Maybe plan a special treat for the family over Easter, with things that he specifically likes and see that he gets plenty of your time, so he has lots of opportunity to tell you if someting is wrong.

Is he bored? Is he finding school work too easy? Maybe do a project with him....training for a funrun or designing and building a den or treehouse...something that takes lots of your ds's effort.

A bit vague I know, but until you know what you're dealing with, it's hard to know what to do.

Hi, not much to help but will be watching thread as I am having similar with my 5 year old ds. Like you say basic things, get dressed, dinners ready, time to do Reading, just either ignores me or I get 'that's boring', or 'I'm always at school', or 'you're cross with me again!'. Well yes I am bloomin cross after asking you for the 20th time to get your shoes on and it's half 8 in the morning and we should have left 5 mins ago! I think it's a phase and I am trying hard to be patient but it's VERY testing. Xx

Hi Mags & Charlie - having a few similar probs with my ds who is 5 1/2. I am getting a lot of 'NO' 's to basic requests and then when I persist he's come out with 'I hate you' a few times when not getting his own way. Not sure why either, although my personal theory is to do with his recent interest in playing on the DS / watching Ben10 etc. hmmmn. Or maybe it is a normal phase of testing boundaries?

He did make me laugh this morning when he asked me: 'what school did YOU go to? Is THAT where they taught you to be unkind?'

Will also be watching the thread in the hope of a few good tips.

I'm having a similar week with my DS 7. He has always been a kind considerate boy, does (usually) what is asked. However, i noticed from about 5 things started to change. He goes through occasions when he's hard work - answering back, more boisterous than usual, plays rougher etc. It does pass though. Its almost as if one minute he's little, the next minute he's a teenager! I put it down to testosterone spurts.

A few things spring to mind. Is it possible he might be going down with something or not feeling well - could he have some sort of virus? Some kids get extremely hectic when getting ill, almost as if they can 'run away' from the feeling of being ill.

Are you giving him a clean slate when he gets home from school? If you are telling him off or putting in punishments at home because he's been naughty at school this can (in my view) create huge amount of resentment and tension at home.

Also, there may be nothing you could do about this and you may not agree anyway - but Steve Biddulph in 'Raising Boys' breaks down boyhood into 3 stages; up to 6/7, the boy belongs to and needs mum most; from 6/7 he needs dad and wants to be around him, model himself on him, etc. from 13/14 he needs other positive male role models from outside the family.

So it could be that your DS is feeling more than he ever has before the lack of his dad? does his dad have to work away? It's such a shame to miss so much of their childhood and for them to miss out on day to day involvement with their dad

oh and the other thing I meant to say was, it could be that he would respond to a different way of talking to him? As they get older sometimes I think it's easy to still talk to them as we did when they were much younger. It might be possible to do things just a little differently but still make a good difference?

What are the flashpoints, the things you might be asking him to do a million times?