does your 5 year old still kick off in public like mine did today.....

[allthreerolledintoone]

today after school my 5 year ds went to play in the play ground with his friends. One of his friends then came back in tears saying my child hit him. I called ds and asked him several times if this was true but he said 'no' whereas his friend insisted he did. I said for ds to say sorry which he did but in a snipping way.I asked him again if he was lying and he finally admitted it and still wouldnt say sorry nicely. I gave him a tap on the bum as i was so angry at that point that he was lying and told him we were going home. I told him he was naughty for hitting his friend and that mummy was angry at him for lying so if he couldnt behave then he wasn't allowed to play.

I then grabbed his hand and started to walk off with the buggy when ds started crying and shouting pulling at my coat and the pram. He even stood in front of the pram lifting up the front wheels so i couldnt move and threatening to fight me if i carried on.I shouted at him to move and tried to continue on but he was pulling on the pram.I really didn't know what to do as i had the buggy too and no matter what i said to ds i couldnt reason with him. People were staring and i felt like i had no control. I threatened to get the teacher, to ring his dad etc but he was still having a paddy. I know he might of been tired which can add to it but i feel so angry at him. He acted like what i would expect from a 3 year old and felt powerless and embarresed. Do 5 years olds still behave like this? I feel like he doesnt listen to me and doesn't respect me. Some other mums just have to warn them the once and kids do as they are told.

I expalined to him several times also that if he hurts someone he needs to say sorry and accept responsibility for his actions even if it was an accident.I know boys get carried away when they play fight so it probably wasn't deliberate but im annoyed that he lied about it and that he can't say sorry.

My 5 year old still has public paddys sometimes - it does surprise me as I thought he would have more self awareness by now but seemingly not! I think they are also asserting themselves a lot at this age and testing all the boundaries. My ds is pretty good at apologising but will kick off if I ask him to do something he doesn't want to do.

Sounds like you did everything you could just to diffuse the situation and to get him to see his behaviour was unacceptable. I tend to discuss these kind of situations again when ds calms down and explain how his behaviour has upset me.

I dont get why you smacked him when you'd just been telling him off for smacking another child. Makes no sense....

Mine can sometimes be like this too so I feel for you

but it does sound a bit like you weren't very consistnet

you told him he was naughty for hitting his friend and then you 'gave him a tap on the bum '

then you said you'd get the teacher. ring his dad - did you do either?

but you were consistent in saying he had to go home which you followed through on

maybe reward charts might work, if you behave nicely at the park you can have a pound on saturday to buy something, that sort of thing?

spend loads of time with him just him if it's possible

Sorry my post wasnt very helpful.

I don't understand why you hit him.

ok wel yes, my 5 yr old does kick off in public, pretty horrifically. that said, there is usually something underlying that has caused it.

things that stood out to me from your post were:

1.) you smacked him for smacking.

2.) forcing apologies is kind of futile. you can't make a child speak, so it turns into a power struggle with each of you getting angrier at each other.
More to the point, maybe he wasn't sorry! maybe the other kid deserved a smack! (ok, so still not on to actually do it, but he might have been provoked)
PLUS, he DID eventually say sorry but that still wasn't good enough for you

3.) you had no control. you allowed him to pick up the pushchair, and instead of stopping him you threatened him with getting other people- which you then didn't follow through with.

I think it's hard when they're tired, you're tired, it's in public and you feel you have to do something to make them behave immediately though. I have to admit to having a fairly short fuse atm so by now means a perfect mum, but what I am trying to do when ds1 kicks off is the following

• give him a chance to talk. instead of going off at him I try and take a deep breath and let him talk. I make a big deal about using words, so that I can understand him (rather than shouting)

• just stop. don't get into a power struggle with trying to make them walk (or anything they're refusing to do). They WILL do it eventually, but sometimes you just need to let them calm down. So I'll sometimes say to ds1 "ok, I see you aren't calm yet. I'll just stand here until you tell me you're calm enough to carry on"

• if he threatens me with fighting/hitting/spitting etc I just say "that is not a nice thing to do, I don't want to listen to you saying unkind things, so I will just stand over here until you are calm", then i move a little way away.

I think one thing to remember is that they are no more in control of the tantrum than you are. Often I think they want to stop but can't. If your ds is anything like mine he just needs to completely blow his top and then he is fine.

great post thisisyesterday

op hope you are ok , we've all been there and lost it in the heat of the moment

I realised i shouldnt of tapped him on the bum and it was a tap not a smack iywim i was angry that he lied more then anything plus im losing my voice so i felt a bit under pressure to react. Hence why im posting on here as its very rare that ds reacts like this but when he does i don't know how to react especially when ive got ds in tow. I did'nt let him pick up the buggy he was picking up from the front wheels as he kept jumping in front of the pram to stop me so i could hardly move him as the buggy would of tipped up with ds in tow. If i didnt have ds2 i would of picked him up or taken him home.But he was making it very difficult so as a last resort i threatened to get the teacher or ring his dad.I did ring dh when we got home so followed that through and i did explain to ds that whether he hit his friend on purpose or accident he shouldn't lie he could said x person started it or deserved it i gave him a chance to explain.Ds seems to find it hard to appologise but he needs to learn to accept that saying sorry isn't defeat and is about respect.

Thanks for the replies i will take on board what you said its just very hard to think sometimes when in public and people waiting for you to deal with the situation. God this parenting malarking is so hard i thought my 2 year old threw bad tantrums but at least i can big him in the pushchair lol!

Lol
hope today is a better day !