Advice please about how to help 2.5 yr old dd cope with her brother being in hospital

[maxmissie]

Have started another thread in Children's Health about my ds, who's 7 months old and in hospital with meninigitis and an as yet unidentified lump on his brain - here

I also have a 2.5 year old dd who has generally seemed OK so far with the whole upheaval. She's had a few strops and has been a bit silly a few times but nothing I wouldn't have expected. She's been to the hospital a few times and has been OK although reluctant to go near ds, who to be fair was asleep most of the time.

We have tried to stick to her normal routine as much as possible so that one of us is always there at bedtime and in the morning but she has spent alot of time with her grandparents and we have been coming and going swapping shifts at the hospital.

However today when she got to the hospital at lunchtime she was inconsolable and would only calm down if she didn't have to go anywhere near ds. He is much better but still has bandages and plasters on which I think scares her.

We have tried to keep things simple when explaining to her what's happening but deep down I think she is probably very confused about it all.

I could just do with some advice as to how to help her cope with it and what I should say to her to reassure her.

Thanks

i havent really got any advice but i understand your concerns as i have just had my dd2 in hospital for a week and i think it really affected my dd1 who is 2.
the only thing i can tell you is that we treated hospital like a treat for dd1 so she got a balloon form the shop and had lunch in the canteen. we also bought her a doctors set that she used to bring to the hospital.

I had to go into hospital with ds3 when he was 4 weeks old, ds1 was 3yrs and ds2 18 months, it was only for just over a week but it did upset ds1, it was a combination of me not being there and the hospital being scarey. We got a couple of books which seemed to help - usborne first experiences of being in hospital and a Topsy and Tim go to hospital one.
We were only there for a short time so I don't know if it maked a big difference but worth a try.
A lot of it is probably not having you both around and you both, very understandly, being worried about ds. Its a tricky age anyway imo so just lots of reassurance that you are there, sorry to hear you're going through this and hope others have useful advice x

Don't hospitals prepare children for hospital by 'playing' at doctors/nurses/patients with teddy bears/dolls etc.? You could try something similat with her to help her understand. The hospital might even have a play specialist (who usually does stuff like that) who you could ask for advice.

Thanks for the replies, we got a book from the library today which is about hospitals so that might help abit. We've tried to make the trips to the hospital as fun as possible, taking a picnic lunch etc and the other times she's been she's played in the playroom and set up her own 'house' in the bathroom. She's already got a drs kit which she's tried out on me at home several times!

I think she is mostly scared by seeing her brother different from how he usually is, even though is more like his old self he still has stuff attached to him.

I think today she was also not well, as took her to the drs this afternoon who said she probably has a virus. Was a bit of a job to get her to take calpol and ibuprofen but that's another story...

Will just keep reassuring her as much as possible and keep her routine as normal as possible.

Thanks again.