Everyone elses girl but mine!

[mememum]

I wonder if anyone else has had this problem and if you have did it resolve itself or take alot of work and patience?
DD1 has always been a daddys girl from day 1! in fact she is so affectionate with everyone else. But lately the problem has got really bad. She is only 2.1y but It feels like she hates me. I know that she's only young and doesn't understand what she's doing. She has gone to Grandma's today and was out of the door as soon as Grandma pulled up. Every morning she asks for Daddy and screams for 10 minutes whilst I explain he's at work. I try to play with her she says no! I try to cuddle her she says no! Kisses - NO! Beginning to really get to me as I just feel useless. Almost in tears writing this. I do have a 4month old baby but this really started before she was born. We do have one to one time but she just plays with her toys and gets angry if I try to help or participate. Any suggestions as I can't let this get any worse.

hi there mememum hope that you are okay....I threaded earlier and just checking back on this thread......hope that you are doing okay and hope that the advice you have received is helping.....hopefully it is

How are you doing mememum?

Hi Mememum. Hope all is well. Remember we are here rooting for you!

WE HAVE BREAKTHROUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yesterday she actually stayed with me whilst I cooked tea and DH played with DD2 in living room. She didn't stay for whole time but long enough to express interest in what I was doing. Anyway thats not the best bit! Went to collect in washing last night and she stayed outside with me and poured cold water all over herself from paddling pool which caused her to laugh hysterically and that made me laugh! She then came up to me with her towel inside and asked for cuddle up all whilst Daddy was around! I'm amazed and so pleased. Still going to take it slowly but it was a good start!

fantastic! here's hoping she will soon be your best friend

Relieved and happy for you mememum

Ok now not so good! I'm sitting here with a split lip because she's just punched me! For some reason she is in a real stroppy mood this morning and is lashing out at everything. Although she is always more difficult after spending the day with MIL - she always gets her own way and when you do it once with her its nightmare.

Mememum, at 2.1yo, she is old enough to know that that behaviour is unacceptable anywhere. She is also old enough to know that MIL may have different rules to you. I tell my ds (2.3yo) that "we don't do that in this house" or "I know you do that at Nana's house, but you know we don't do it here"

Agreed, you can't let her get away with this behaviour, or you will be on a downward slope.

Sorry it has regressed, but I think it was not unrealistic to expect it to go up and down (but hopefully generally upwards). I find with DS if I manage to keep my frustration under control things work better (I don't show that I am cross/upset), but he knows that if he does cross the line it is his choice and he'll be in timeout (no shouting or anything) and he can only come out when he apologises.

Take heart, my dear, I don't think it means the end of all your hard work, but is just a part of a cycle. Hopefully things will get generally better.

Split lip better! Talking point of dinner with friends last night at least!
She was getting quite good at understanding Grandma and Nanny do things differently but I had lapsed in reminding her so that is my fault.
Long way to go but at least some encouraging breakthrough this week so lets hope for more.

I haven't read the whole thread. I'm a single mum so I don't have this problem at all! But I remember reading about it in a book called The Seven Stages of Motherhood by Ann Pleshette Murphy, I was just skimming through it to find the reference but I can't find it now, so I don't know what age she talks about.

Any books are always helpful Lizita so I will dig that out of the library. Thank you

Split lip - not good! They can be such a trial at this age can't they!

Apart from that - has she shown any more signs of enjoying being with you ?(in addition the example you gave last Friday)

It's not a prescriptive book just to warn you, it's more her story of being a mother backed up by researching other mums too I think, and how you change as a mother particularly (as well as the kids) - focuses more on the mother & how she's feeling than the kids, at each stage of the kids growing up.
But I always like reading books like that, it makes you realise you're not alone in feeling the way you do etc! What Mothers Do by Naomi Stadlen is really good too, really affirming, but that's about babyhood really.

Unfortunately not HMC. Daddy was home all weekend so she naturally went for him. He tried to encourage her to me but with no avail. Today is a day just the three of us, me and 2 DD. She has been quite happy by herself and joining us when she needs to for example, lunch time. Still playing it cool as such and doing things to entice her.

I've been searching & searching in that book for what I was remembering, but can't find it at all, so maybe I'm remembering wrong. There was one bit about her son at primary school age going ga-ga over his teacher. I'm positive I'm remembering it was her daughter being a daddy's girl but never mind!!

There was an episode on telly of a toddler taming type prog, can't remember its name, the one where they all go and stay in one big house, and one of the families had a similar problem. I THINK if i remember rightly the dad had to step back even when he was there and allow the mum to spend time with her daughter. But from what you say you already spend lots of time with her...sorry, not much help

I'd just like to say a big thank you to everyone who contributed to this thread whether you offered advice or just support! Things are so much better. DD1 is alot more loving with me and is realising how much she upsets me if she says nasty things. I'm not saying it's now perfect but alot better.