3.4 year old turning into a demon

[PardonMyClench]

I have just gone back to work after second baby and since my return 2 weeks ago DS 3.4 seems to be increasingly badly behaved. Ruder than usual, not saying please and thank-you ; back-chatting aggressively ; kicking and punching. Not sure if this is down to my return to work or his start at play group 2 days a week or this is just coincidence and this ' phase' would have happened anyway.
Today we took him to London Zoo for a day out and he was horrible - shouting at other children ; being rude to us and kicking random objects. I am not sure how to handle this.
Has anyone else experienced this? Or could advise?

I think he probably misses your attention and is showing off?

My DS now 4.7 used to go through phases of seeming to have changed from a little angel to a little horror - it used to make us panic.

There is the old theory that children misbehave to get attention they feel they don't otherwise get, something your child may feel because the set ups changed - new baby, mummy there, mummy back to work, going to nursery.

Or it could be that he's seeing how far he can push you now things have changed.

My advise would be that the aggressive behaviour needs to be dealt with very calmly, i found this worked best - reacting as shouting or aggression with the same is not productive (have seen that for myself). One warning then warning with repercussion threat then repercussion carried out- naughty step, time out, whatever works (even on an outing (it's embarrasing but it works) I know it's hard to carry this out every time, especially with another DC but i found it worked and we haven't had any 'possession type' incidents for a long time.

Good luck

Thanks - I am worried that maybe I shoudln't have gone back to work . The aggression of the behaviour worries me.

Oh, 3 yr olds are tough.

I am finding my 3 yr old harder now than he was in the terrible twos.

SOunds like there have been a lot of changes for him lately, so it isn't surprising he is a bit out of sorts.

Kids are very adaptable so he will adjust, but in the meantime I think it is trial and error to find what strategies work with him. WIth ds, I have found sticker charts work - I HATE them, but tried other things first to no avail. When he loses it, maybe try to get him somewhere quiet to chill out?

It is so tricky and tiring finding what will work as they are all so different. I see my pals deal with their wee ones in ways that work beasutifully for them, but which just don't work with ds.

Try to keep calm-ish most of the time, but don't give yourself a hard time if you lose it occassionally - everyone does.

Good luck - it ain't easy.

My 3.7 yr old has days where he is beautiful, and days where he is horrendous. Answers back, ignores me, pushes and hits. I sometimes find myself quite disgusted by his behaviour - which is a horrible thing to admit. Then, on the good days he can be quite angelic and certainly demonstrates he knows how to behave, and to use the manners we have taught him. Interestingly, nursery seem to think he is very polite - I have alos been back a couple of months post second baby.

My feeling is that its a "testing the boundaries" thing. It also happens much more when I am inpatient and short with him. Quite a few of my friends have had similar sorts of behaviour - isn't there a big testosterone surge in boys around now? Then it settles by aged 4-5 I think.

I'm trying to be consistent with punishment and pay him more attention - I certainly think he gets a bit left out with all the p ressure of work/baby/house stuff. Although,its also possible that I am simply a terrible parent and have somehow buggered up raising him!!

I was wondering about the testosterone thing. Not sure how true or not that is . It's so hard not to think that it's all your fault - it may be but it's so difficult to know.

Testosterone surge is a red herring. Girls go through this too.

AS for fault, no it is not your fault! Growing up is hard and wee kids have to learn how to deal with emotions. They have inappropriate ways of exprressing stuff. It;s normal.

I think it's probably just a stage. Bit of cliche, but IMHE seems to be the case. Often I wonder if DS has had a growth spurt or reached some developmental milestone when he has had a few weeks being out-of-sorts. All of a sudden the behaviour improves and he seems much happier in himself. I'm sure your DS will turn that corner soon.

In the meantime, try to focus on the positive, and calmly follow-up any bad behaviour with a simple consequence (such as removing a favourite toy for 24hrs). Sometimes reward charts for specific targets can be helpful too.

Try to spot if any poor behaviour is linked to specific times of day or events (e.g. late afternoon, when DS is tired/hungry) and aim to do things that he likes at those moments. For example, I usually let mine watch a bit of telly whilst I cook dinner as otherwise they'd end up squabbling. I know that once they've eaten, they buck up a bit and play nicely.

I know it can be hard at times when kids are challenging, and it's probably harder for you now that you have returned to work as you have more on your plate. But give you & your DS a bit of time to adjust to the changes and I am sure it will work out fine.

OMG i thought there was this opinion that when my DS (2.7) turns 3 all this random kicking out etc would stop

have i been seriously mislead that 3 is the magic number?!?!?!

No, your kid is just ahead of himself

Oh DS started this soon after Christmas (3.5 years). I initially put it down to me going back to work after a couple of weeks at home, but I'm now starting to think it's a behavioural phase. It's very interesting to read this thread - it surely can't just be a coincidence?

I'm inclined to agree nicky - I have to remind myself sometimes that he has only been around a few years, so its not that surprising that he struggles with the "rules" of society. I am in my thirties and still sometimes struggle to deal with my emotions!

I certainly feel he has a radar for my frame of mind, too - if I am in a great mood, with endless patience, then he is usually brilliant. If I am stressed or strung out, this seems to transfer to him too. clench, do you think you are more stressed at the moment?

There is definitely a link between my DS's behaviour and my own state of mind. However I genuinely haven't worked out which comes first - his behaviour or my bad mood.

My 2.8 year old DS is so mis-behaved, i am scared to go out with him (i also have a 1 year old DD)
If there is an awkward way of doing something, he finds it, he is violent and attacks my daughter (usually when i am watching, or she is on my lap), he is so stubborn and will never say sorry. It seems to be getting worse not better, and i have tried the naughty step/ corner etc, he doesn't take a bit of notice! He seems to be alot worse when he is tired/ not eaten properly...
The thing that bothers me most is the hitting/biting/headbutting/kicking of my DD... because he just flips, he can be so loving towards her, then 2 minutes later he is horrible!
If anyone has any tips, then they'd be greatly appreciated!
When he was pushing over my friends little girls the other day, she said i'm always making excuses for him... and she managed to make him say sorry by strapping him her buggy for ages.. and then in her car - but it was forced, he didn't mean it, but he was just so wound up by then and said it to get away from her!
I have read up on ADHD and ODD.. and it really worries me - but i hope that hes just going through a phase, testing the boundaries etc.
He recently started pre-school (2 mornings a week), and although he says he doesn't want to go, he actually comes back full of it and showing me his artwork etc, so i think its a good thing for him to exert his energies and a change of scene for him. Hoping being disciplined by other people will help, as he has been with me 24/7 up to now.
any tips would be great!

think ive got to stop watching this thread as i am expecting DD in june and worried about DS

will say that DS does at least say sorry and knows when he's done something wrong and is very loving just finds it intolerable to sit for more than 5mins

he also has such a short attention span that tantrums are generally short lived. but its the aggressiveness that concerns me most.

is it a boy thing? so many people ive spoke to say yes, but like i say, they also promise me that he'll grow out of it by 3!

Ditto j0807bump. Are you on the June thread? I've not been on for ages . I'm really hoping that the new baby will help DS grow up a bit. He's a good boy the vast majority of the time, but when he's bad he's really bad! Thankfully it only happens at home (so no one else believes me!)

i am not on the thread. only been on mnet for a couple days and since i'm having sec at end may even though d.date 4/6 dont know if i am eligable!

agree DS is great fun most time and when i've met others they can't believe i think he's agressive

he DOES have his moments but i like to think we see it more because we are so desperate for them NOT to grow into bullies

You'd definitely be welcome. There are a couple on there due at the end of May and one at the beginning of July IIRC (we're a nice bunch apparently).

thanks for the invite i'll take a look if i can stay awake for another half hour